[lizbeth4]

Thanks for your advise. I can’t say that I’m feeling 100 percent better since my gambling episode. I still feel lost, scared and alone. Terrible feelings to have. I can’t really express myself to anyone but the people on this site and to the GA group I attend. No one else would get it. I have a sore throat. Probably from going into Air condition places and then coming home to a warm house. I’m not staying with my Mother as she has been in one of her moods and I’d rather not deal with it. I’ve had a couple of good cries. Didn’t make me feel better. On a positive note, my veggies and peaches are ripe and delicious. My Sister was impressed as I plant from seed and she uses plants. I hope this sadness leaves me soon.

[lizbeth4]

God is watching over me! It got cloudy and started raining. It’s cooled off considerably. I have doors and windows open. It feels good!

[lizbeth4]

The home warranty company called and they found a outside unit that is compatible with the inside updraft part. They are going to cover it. 3 to 5 business days. I started crying.

[lizbeth4]

I’m just crying! My A.C. is shot. The warranty company will only pay half of the $7100. Oh, the guy says they finance. I’m unfinanceable! I just told him to put everything back together. So, do I sell “as is”? Move back to the city? Try and find a place that will rent to bad credit? I have no one to ask for help and I don’t think I would ask anyone. I’ve got myself in this situation. Instead of blowing my money, I should have had a emergency fund. Ummmmm!

[lizbeth4]

Have fun with your Grandson today!

[lizbeth4]

I banned myself again this morning. It is good for a year! I took back a fan I had bought but never opened. I deposited the money in my checking. I sprayed and pulled weeds. Waiting for the A.C. Tech. I hope it can be fixed and I don’t need a new one as they will prorate the cost and I don’t have money or credit available. So, I’m hoping for the best. Luckily, I had put back the $65 for the service charge. Some things are running through my head. I’m thinking of renting out a room. But am I asking for problems???? That could easily bring in $500 per month but is it worth it??? I’m going to the city from the 16-20 to care for my Grandson. I’m going to look for part time employment when I get back. Instead of sitting in this house, I’m going to a HOA meeting this Saturday and to church on Sunday. Being around people and activities will help. Friday is my GA meeting on Friday. Oh, I’m tired mentally!!

[lizbeth4]

It could of been worse! I’m broken! I’m credited out, broke and in debt. My trigger was that I’m running late on 2 bills and thought I could win enough to be on top again. I could have stopped several times and only been $100 in the hole. But my addicted mind told me elsewise. I’m really letting myself go. I’ve put weight back on that I’d lost and I’m really looking old. No motivation! I know all of the things I need to do and I plan on implementing them so I can stop gambling. It’s hard to face myself. I’m a scared, broken person right now. I’m not in a good place!

[lizbeth4]

Thanks everyone for your posts!!! I didn’t listen to anyone’s advice and I went on a gambling binge-11 hours! Fortunately, I only spent $300 in that time period. But it was money I couldn’t afford to lose. When I got paid today, I paid some bills, did errands, sent money to my Daughter and proceeded to gamble. I didn’t ban myself again from my local casino. The ban had recently lifted. Bad move! So, i will be late on bills and make up lies to cover my gambling. I’m on the edge of causing irreversible damage. It’s almost like I want to destroy myself. I’m just sick over this and burning up because I have no air conditioning. Hopefully that will be fixed tomorrow. I’m picking myself up again. Tomorrow, I re-ban myself! I’m praying that I can get through this. I thought about taking a lot of pills and ending my misery. But then I thought of my Grandkids and I don’t want to do that to them. Lord, help me to be strong and move forward and get through this.

[lizbeth4]

Hi. Yes, I am still here. I know how heartbroken you are feeling. My Daughter and Granddaughter moved to the city and are living with friends. My Daughter didn’t like small town life. She really didn’t try to make a life here. She has no family support where she is and is struggling. My Granddaughter has her own room here and I had to shut the door because it broke my heart to look at her things. I’ve seen her twice in 3 months. This helped trigger my gambling episodes again. Remember we have to take care of ourselves. Take care.

[lizbeth4]

1 more day and the A.C. Tech will be here. I’m hoping that it just needs Freon. My youngest Daughter is struggling financially. She’s had 2 temporary jobs but can’t find steady work. I’m sending her some money today. My budget will be even tighter but I will manage. So I’ve been in a worried mood. I have to have faith that everything will work out. I’m going to pay some bills and do a little grocery shopping today. I have had some gambling thoughts. If it gets too strong, I will contact someone from my GA group for support. I’m getting stronger.

[lizbeth4]

Monica, I loved taking my Grandson to movies. It was nice that you were able to spend time with them. You should sell your clothing . Here we have eBay and local online selling sites. My clothing and shoes always sell. Something will come your way job wise.

[lizbeth4]

Thanks I-did-it for your post. Things are getting better in my life. GA meetings and counseling have made a big difference in my recovery. I am looking forward!

[lizbeth4]

I had a good time with my Sister. We had fun fishing and hanging out together and talking. Thursday, a repairman is going to look at my A.C. unit. Hopefully, it can be fixed. I’ve decided to make some adjustments to my life. Which include some training so I can seek part time employment. I’m tired of just making it. My Sister was very generous and bought me some jewelry supplies, to get me started. Today, I’m going to the library and doing a few chores. I’m staying positive and trying to find solutions for my problems.

[lizbeth4]

I had a good day with my Mom and Sister. I’m dealing with 2 issues-needed repairs to my home. They should be covered by my home warranty. I will have to wait till the 1st when I get paid as I have to pay a service charge. My budget is very tight for the next 4 months as I need to get caught up. Somehow I will figure it all out. When it rains it pours. I’m going to focus on my fishing trip in the morning. This to shall pass!!!

[lizbeth4]

Monica, Congrats on your 1 year gamble free time! I hope to be there! Sorry that you are still having gut issues. Living a boring and mundane life is something I dread also. Awaiting my Sister’s arrival for a 3 day visit. Anxiety is probably adding to your gut issues. I will pray for a job to come soon. You so deserve it!!! Take care.

[Author]

Posts