[lizbeth4]

I know that the creditors here can be rather aggressive. The 2 creditors told me what they would accept for payments. Right now out of my range. If they take you to court, the courts have you pay the filing costs also. More money. I did decide to prioritise my bills. I have 3 loans which are directly taken out of my checking account monthly which where used for gambling in the past. One will be paid off next month, freeing $155 per month. Most of my credit card debts aren’t massive but put all together overwhelming. Monica, I’ve let myself really go the last few months. Weight gain, not getting haircuts, ect. I look in the mirror and cringe. Something has to give.

[lizbeth4]

Thanks Monica for your posts on my thread. Just to have someone who understands and the support helps me to feel that I’m not alone in the world. I’m sorry that you are dealing with the lack of benefits. I hope you get the job you want as you so deserve it. I’m still numb and distraught. I did misuse my credit cards and I’ve been paying them through a credit agency but since they never accepted the plan but have taken the monthly payments, they now are demanding the balance due! I feel hopeless right now an d stupid for getting in this mess. Your support has helped. I’m trying to deal with this. Thanks again for being there. Have a good day.

[lizbeth4]

Thanks Monica for checking in on me. I’m about the same today. I feel beaten down and full of anxieties and fear. I feel like I’m at the end of the road. I’m always playing catch up . Either I will get back on top or everything will implode! I have support here and GA. No one in my family knows my plight as they have never took the time to understand my addiction. So I do feel rather alone at times. How could I have let things go so far? It’s overcast and dreary outside today. No word from the A.C. company. Monica, I was on my knees praying. Hoping my higher power can give me some peace.

[lizbeth4]

I know I can’t gamble responsibly. My monies are low and I just was paid 1 week ago. I’ve paid my monthly living bills. I did sent a little to my youngest Daughte and had to pay for the service charge for the A.C. I have a full tank of gas which is more than enough to get to the city and back. I just don’t have a lot of extra money to treat my Grandson while there. It is what it is. I have dealt with a lot of hang ups I have but I’ve always felt a sadness within me. I’ve never been able to shake it. I don’t want to keep destroying myself. I’m just so mentally tired.

[lizbeth4]

Thanks for taking time to show your support even though you are going through things yourself. I gave the collection agency the money I had But don’t know if it will stop the law firm. Im pretty sure that my federal pension can not be garnished as I talked to personnel today. IRS and back child support are the only reasons for a garnishment. Sadly. they can put liens on my property. I have nothing big to sell! Now I have to face the consequences of my actions. I’m still with A.C. as the equipment hasn’t arrived. It was a little cooler today, more manageable. Monica, there is something lacking in my life for me to be in this position. I am numb and just full of sadness. I need to believe that I am worth happiness. Something for me to discuss with my counselor. I did have good news today, my youngest Daughter has found a good job and starts next week. I maybe sharing childcare with her friend and have my Granddaughter a few days each week. I can revamp my babysitting employment for Friday and weekends. Still hanging in there.

[lizbeth4]

I’m going to lose it! My A.C. unit isn’t in yet. I’ve had no air since July 31st. I have no recourse as this is the company my home warranty deals with. This just compounds things.

[lizbeth4]

Hi, I relate to your sadness of not having Jenny and Isaac there. I went through a adjustment period when my Daughter moved in and when my Granddaughter was born. And my gambling started again when they moved out. I will pray for Jenny’s health and yours. I hope you have the surgery if that’s what you want. Take care of yourself. I’m seeing my Grandkids in about 1 week.

[lizbeth4]

Thanks Kathryn for your concern. I am in a dark place. I had it made money wise and within 5 years I managed to piss away my money, either gambling or buying things for myself and others. I get a good sized pension and I can’t even pay all of my bills or do the things I want to. It’s so depressing and I think I’ve hit rock bottom!!!! I don’t know how much more that I can handle this heat. If the A.C. company doesn’t call tomorrow, I’ll be calling them. It’s supposed to cool down the test of the week and we are supposed to have rain. Hopefully it won’t delay the A.C. installment. I wish I could just wither away and be blown the air. I’ve dug deep and have come up with a little money. I’m going to call the collection agency tomorrow and see if I can give them something so I can keep them at bay a little while longer. When I come back from the city this month, I’m going to get my CPR card and advertise to babysit. It will help supplement my income. Only 2 kids and in their home. I’ve been hanging out at the library as they have a reading area with couches. I go to Starbucks and get a tea and sit and use the WiFi and keep cool. I don’t hang out with anyone I know as I don’t feel like talking. My life is pretty sad right now. Trying to survive!!

[lizbeth4]

I’ve been on a debt consolidation program for 2 years. Only 3 credit card companies has accepted the programs but all 10 creditors are sent a payment every month. These 2 companies want to be paid off. So they have charged off the accounts and have turned them over to a collection agency who want payments I can’t afford. So legal action is the next step. Garnishment of wages. I will send any monies I have to bring the balances down. Are there other companies to folliw?? I will just have to deal with it and the consequence. I knew I was playing with fire!!

[lizbeth4]

So, things have gone from bad to worse. I received a letter stating that 2 of my credit card accounts have been placed with a law firm. These are accounts that I’ve been paying on through a credit agency. If I don’t pay what they want monthly I will be taken to court and have my wages garnished. Of course, I can’t afford the payments. So, here we go!

[lizbeth4]

Thank you both for your support which I need so badly right now! I’m in a dark place. I thought of calling for support/help last night as I didn’t care if I lived or died. But I made it through. I functioned on a low level today. Financially, it can’t get any worse. The last 2 gambling episodes were not great loses but ruined my budget. I’m behind on bills and playing catch up and keeping others at bay. Little is left over. I’ve done this to myself and it makes me very, very sad, stressed and down. Not having A.C. for a week has compounded everything. I’m tired and drained. Not feeling like myself at all. Forget going to my DR for any help as she is on medical leave. My yearly physical is going to be late as I have to wait till mid September to see her. Velvet, a part of me is dead. I don’t look at things the same. I’m very cynical now. It’s sad! How could anyone care or love someone so pathetic? That’s how I see myself. I’ve let numerous people down and not been there fully. I know I’m a addict bit honestly, that’s no excuse. Im so tired!!

[lizbeth4]

Church was good. The people were very nice. I’m going back. But I had a rough day afterwards. A lot of remorse about my recent gambling and the predicament I’ve put myself in. The things I’ve done. Things that are horrible to me. I’ve let so many people down. Would they forgive me if they knew? I can’t even forgive myself. There’s a sadness inside of me, one I can’t rid myself of. I’ve lied and deceived others. Part of me is dead. I can’t gamble again! Again last night, I wanted to go to sleep and not wake up. The easy way out and the selfish way out. I’m trying to come to terms with these feeling. I have a lot of work to do. I just need to believe I’m worth it!

[lizbeth4]

Thanks for your post. They always make me have a good outlook on everything. Yesterday I went to the HOA meeting. It was interesting and I found out some new things. I met new people. Today I’m attending a new church and quite excited about it! I’m still trying to figure out my money situation and existing bills. Doesn’t look good but I will be okay. Kathryn, after my visit to the city this month, I’m going to find a part time job. Either babysitting or helping the elderly. I like kids and old people. I don’t want to be a shell of a person anymore. That’s how I’ve been living. I’m really ready to change.

[lizbeth4]

I’m forcing myself to attend our HOA meeting this morning. I haven’t been in the 4 1/2 years that I’ve lived here. Guess what? It’s at the library!! I feel so distant and disconnected from everyone. The heat is bearable but a little stifling for a few hours in the afternoon. My Mother hasn’t been very inviting about me coming to her house???? So I’ve decided to just stay home. The A.C. equipment will be here on Tuesday or Wednesday. I can do this!! My GA Meeting went ok. I have a few phone numbers to call if I need support. No counseling till next week. I’m not myself right now. I’m mentally tired and drained and honestly I just wish all of this pain was over. I’m looking for the hope but having a hard time finding it.

[lizbeth4]

Keep trying. Don’t give up!!

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