[lizbeth4]

I woke early to take my Mother grocery shopping. She is capable of doing this herself. She wanted to argue and start a fight so I just left as she was playing the victim again. I let her into my life a bit more than usual as she knows about my last gambling episode and finances. I feel like she uses against me to make me feel bad about myself. I already feel bad enough. Time to shut her out again. BLAH!!!! It is raining which is nice!

[lizbeth4]

For myself, I would say to have faith and hope!

[lizbeth4]

I joined a travel group last year. (Free) It consists of women only, many travel solo. They offer many different trips. I like it because the group’s are small, 20 people. They are in the planning stages for the 2019 trips. You can pre register, no obligation and can back out if you want to. I’ve pre registered for a September 2019, Mount Rushmore trip! A place that is on my list. In March a deposit is due and 6 weeks before the trip, the remainder is due. By March, I will have $400 extra per month because 3 loans/credit cards will be paid off. Travel is something that I want to do! I feel like this is my opportunity!!!! I need to take the plunge.

[lizbeth4]

Hi, I hope you taxes aren’t too bad. I will be paying on mine for 43 months. I have a lot taken out now so I can break even. My job hunt is not going well here. Not many opportunities. I’m glad that we both have Grandchildren to enjoy. They take my mind off of my worries. Thanks again for your kind words and support. It is greatly appreciated!

[lizbeth4]

I’m trying to stay positive! Did i mention that my stove/oven stopped working in the midst of everything else? I have to cook solely in the microwave. I may get a toaster oven down the road. The oven isn’t covered under the warranty. So much stress! Little money left for food or gas next month! All bills need to be paid, no deferments! A payment on my late property taxes is due and the new bill is coming out soon. I have to pay a percentage of my cardiologist appointment next month . They do not bill. Everything has to be paid or there are major consequences. I will have to deal and live on the little left. Debt is a big stressor for me. My CG mind is telling me to gamble when I get paid and WIN money to get out of the hole. We all know that it doesn’t work that way. I guess I’m looking for a easy way out! But that’s not the way it will be. I have to get through this!!!! My last few gambling episodes really put me further back financially although I was already struggling. The job hunt here isn’t going well. Not many opportunities. Right now I feel like the biggest loser.

[lizbeth4]

Hi Monica, That was awesome that you were able to send money to your Daughter. I just am amazed that you are so resilant after all that you’ve been through. You have given me hope that I can turn thing around. I’ve been looking for a part time job but there’s very little opportunity here. I may have to look in the city. It would be a drive, 1hour-11/2 hours one way. But you are doing more than that. I hope your weekend was good. Take care and have a fabulous week!

[lizbeth4]

Typo: Karo. Sorry, I’m typing on a phone.

[lizbeth4]

Hi Karo I know the feeling of being stuck. Recovery isn’t easy but gambling destroys our souls. I don’t believe there is such a thing as CONTROLLED GAMBLING for a compulsive gambler. I’ve gambled here and there since joining GT eith devastating results. I’m retired and have a lot of debt and no savings. Not a good situation to be in. Currently, I’m looking for a part time job . I understand boredom being a trigger. I can always find things to do. Maybe they are not exciting but it keeps me out of the casino. Maybe you can give GA another try. Sometimes it takes awhile to find your niche in a group. Hang in there and stay strong!

[lizbeth4]

It’s RAINING! A lot of thunder and lightning! No yard work today. It’s a good day for watching movies and reading. I hardly slept. I had a upset stomach all night. I think it’s from the anxiety of being home and facing reality. On a positive note, the temperature has dropped dramatically.

[lizbeth4]

I had figured out that the creditors couldn’t touch my retirement. I’ve had 1 creditor turn my account over to a law firm and they filed papers in my local courts for a judgement but we came to a agreement on a monthly payment plan with my debt consolidation program. (8 accounts) 2 creditors wouldn t join and those are the ones threatening me. I send them what I can but they are threatening legal action. I know they can put liens on my property, ect….These companies buy charged off accounts to make money. I will deal with them. They amounts aren’t large but there is little money left to get ahead. A part time job is the answer!!!

[lizbeth4]

I’m home. I pass 2 casinos on the way home. One I’ve banned from the other I haven’t. I will make a point to ban myself. I visited with my Mom for a couple hours, went to the library and picked a few items up from the market. I had no money to gamble with, which was good!!!! I took my Grandson to school this morning and I promised him that we would go to the movies and arcade the next time I’m there. Hopefully in October. I’m hoping to hear about the A.C. this week and I pray that some resolution can be made which will cost me nothing. It is warm today but bearable. The next 10 days the weather will be cooler and there are chances of rain!!! I’m making a priority list of goals I want to accomplish. I’m keeping it to myself and not sharing with anyone. It’s a personal goal list that Iwant to strife towards. Tomorrow yard work as new weeds have popped up in my yard!!!

[lizbeth4]

I’m going home tomorrow! I’m getting gambling urges! ??????? Working through them.

[lizbeth4]

I saw my youngest Daughter and Granddaughter yesterday evening. My Granddaughter came right to me and gave me a lot of kisses. It’s been 6 weeks since I saw her last. I brought my Daughter’s steel toed work boots to her as she officially starts her job tomorrow. She is struggling financially and I feel guilty that I can’t help her more. A result of my gambling! This addiction has caused fear, shame, guilt to linger in me. Will I ever be free of these feelings? It causes self doubt and low self esteem. Sometimes I feel less than everyone around me and that I’m only existing.

[lizbeth4]

Thanks Vera for your concern and support! It’s just a option if I exhaust all other avenues. There are no bus systems but I would be willing to bike during the spring and summer. As for the fall and winter, we do get snow. I’ve thought about a boarder, renter also. Just running different things through my head. I won’t make any rash decisions.

[lizbeth4]

I replied on your thread! I had a thought today. If I can’t find a job and can’t get out of the financial mess I’m in, I’m contemplating selling my home. I only use half of it. I could downsize. Pros: buy smaller home, pay off all debts, have money in savings. Cons: lose a nice yard and view of the lake, decent neighbors. Something to think about. Options.

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