[lizbeth4]

I went to the library and to my Mom’s house today. I checked the mail to see if the loan company had sent a letter about the 2 deferred payments that were agreed upon on the 14th of this month. Nothing. Phone calls again on Monday to straighten this out. My youngest Daughter and Sister text me with bad news today. I tried to be supportive. I’m overwhelmed, depressed and can find no inspiration in my life. I’m traveling down that dark place again. Something has to give. I am at the end of my rope!! I haven’t felt this way since my Husbands death. I don’t know how much more I can take. It serms everything is going to hell. As much as i try, I keep going backwards and can’t gain any ground. I do feel hopeless!!! I don’t know where to turn or what to do. I feel like all I’m doing is complaining and no one wants to hear it. Suggestions???? Any advice would help.

[lizbeth4]

Hi Monica, 12 hours a day in work and travel is a lot! That would be very tiring. What do you mean that bankruptcy would end your career? I wish a had wise advice about how to handle your debts but I’m overwhelmed and treading water. It’s nice that Pete made dinner and you have company. Take care and enjoy your weekend.

[lizbeth4]

Hi. You have taken the first step coming here. This addiction is devastating. Recovery is hard but you can have your life back. The financial damage can be repaired over time. Don’t give up. Put barriers in place. Keep posting. Stay strong.

[lizbeth4]

Welcome to GT. Try to set up barriers. Seek help, GA meetings, counseling. Keep posting and reading others threads. Recovery isn’t easy but if you continue gambling you will dig yourself deeper in a hole. I’m talking from experience. You have taken the first step coming here. Take care. Don’t give up.

[lizbeth4]

My brain won’t shut down and I didn’t sleep well. I worried about my late payment letter. As I had talked to someone on the 21st, I’m assuming that letters crossed in the mail. I will call on Monday. Meantime, I will try to release it and not dwell on it!! I’m not pulling weeds today as I was bit numerous times by mosquitoes after I had used 3 products. I think all of the rain is attracting them. I might trim back a large shrub tomorrow after church. Gratitude is my word today. I have many things to be grateful for. I don’t want to lose sight of this and let my mind get bogged down with the negatives.

[lizbeth4]

My brain won’t shut down and I didn’t sleep well. I worried about my late payment letter. As I had talked to someone on the 21st, I’m assuming that letters crossed in the mail. I will call on Monday. Meantime, I will try to release it and not dwell on it!! I’m not pulling weeds today as I was bit numerous times by mosquitoes after I had used 3 products. I think all of the rain is attracting them. I might trim back a large shrub tomorrow after church. Gratitude is my word today. I have many things to be grateful for. I don’t want to lose sight of this and let my mind get bogged down with the negatives.

[lizbeth4]

My brain won’t shut down and I didn’t sleep well. I worried about my late payment letter. As I had talked to someone on the 21st, I’m assuming that letters crossed in the mail. I will call on Monday. Meantime, I will try to release it and not dwell on it!! I’m not pulling weeds today as I was bit numerous times by mosquitoes after I had used 3 products. I think all of the rain is attracting them. I might trim back a large shrub tomorrow after church. Gratitude is my word today. I have many things to be grateful for. I don’t want to lose sight of this and let my mind get bogged down with the negatives.

[lizbeth4]

I’m so glad that no one was hurt in the accident! Someone was watching over them. Sad news about your Niece. I’m praying that she will respond to treatment. Keep the faith!!! We never know what lies ahead of us. Thinking of you today. Take care.

[lizbeth4]

Hi Monica, Just checking in to see how you are. Post when you have time.

[lizbeth4]

I spent the morning doing yard work. Later I went to the library. I decided to call the A.C. company and the new part was there after waiting 7 business days! Hopefully on Thursday when they come out everything will be completed!! Fingers crossed. I checked my mail and I had a letter that I was late on a payment, which was deferred for 2 months. This agreement was made 10 days ago. And they charged me $36! So I will have to call them again on Monday. I swear, the companies I deal with are inept!!! Frustrating. My depression has lessened. I’m not back to “normal” bit I’m getting there.

[lizbeth4]

It was good to see your post. I started going to a church I really like. They have a woman’s group that meets weekly for breakfast and many other activities. I just have to participate and right now I’m not capable of doing so. I go to the library 3 times a week. I will come out of my shell when I’m ready. I was up at 4am as I went to bed early. I pulled weeds for 3 hours and I kind of over did it. I’m going to work in the backyard again today but for a shorter duration. I did do some beading yesterday. I feel things returning to normal. Slowly! I will get there. This last gambling episode really impacted me. I know I don’t want to go there again!

[lizbeth4]

Velvet, Thank you for your post! It opened my eyes! I guess I’m not worthy of good things because I’ve messed up so many times. I’ve let this addiction get the best of me. I knew the damage it was causing and I continued to enable it to try and destroy me. I was so weak!!! I am really trying this time with my recovery. I’m going to GA and counseling. Mount Rushmore may be only a dream but I need something to look forward to. Recovery is hard and sometimes a lonely place. I think my emotions are getting the best of me!!! Today while doing yard work, i had humming birds flying around me. They are attracted to the trumpet vines. They made me feel happy!!

[lizbeth4]

Thanks Kathryn! Your kind words and support helped to settle me a bit. I feel like my whole world is imploding. I’m trying to make everything better but it feels like a losing battle. I get more depressed as the days go by. Friday I will be calling the A.C. company again. It will be going on 7 business days since they were here. There has to be a resolution to this. If it’s the worse case scenario, I will have no heat this winter (heat pump). I will have to depend on space heaters. A lot of worries and I’m tired of worrying. I have started a vision board but like everything else in my life, it’s come to a standstill. No motivation! I want to pull the covers over my head and never come out. It looks like it is going to rain but I’m going to try and pull some weeds today.

[lizbeth4]

I haven’t done anything today but watch movies and eat! I tried to do some beading but couldn’t get interested in it. Seems the only thing to keep my interest is doing yard work. Which I will do tomorrow if it’s not raining. I hate my life and what I let this addiction do to me! I feel unworthy of anything good. Sometimes I wonder why I’m even trying. Maybe I should just sell my home, get what I can and move back to the city. Find a small apartment. I’m ready to give up!!!

[lizbeth4]

You need to take all the steps you can to make it harder to gamble. Blocking, giving control of money to another, GA meetings, counseling. The destruction it causes us is horrid and as time goes on it only gets worse!!! Stay strong and keep going. You have our support here.

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