[lizbeth4]

I’m not having any gambling urges or thoughts! Though money is tight, I’m not looking for the big win. I’m working to get debt free. No home equity or personal loans! No more debt but the home mortgage and living expenses is my goal! I worked in my yard for 2 hours today. 2 years ago, I could no longer afford the monthly yard maintenance company I had. I might have to hire someone to trim 2 trees. I have the larger bank to clean tonight. Things are going well for me. I get paid for 4 hours on Saturday. A little money to keep me going for 1 week till my pension is deposited.

[lizbeth4]

I’m actually feeling very peaceful and content today! I went to the library and picked up some movies and some music cds. It’s lightly raining here. I have the doors and windows opened. The woman who had my job is meeting me at the bank to return the keys. My boss figured out that she didn’t want to be my backup person. If I need a day off, I have to tell them in advance as someone has to travel from the city to do it. I’m feeling better mentally, have more confidence and feel like I’m going to make it financially. A big burden off of my shoulders. A little closer to being debt free. My goal!!

[lizbeth4]

I’m actually feeling very peaceful and content today! I went to the library and picked up some movies and some music cds. It’s lightly raining here. I have the doors and windows opened. The woman who had my job is meeting me at the bank to return the keys. My boss figured out that she didn’t want to be my backup person. If I need a day off, I have to tell them in advance as someone has to travel from the city to do it. I’m feeling better mentally, have more confidence and feel like I’m going to make it financially. A big burden off of my shoulders. A little closer to being debt free. My goal!!

[lizbeth4]

I haven’t picked up my prescription yet. I had a sleepless night. Worring about my youngest Daughter and Granddaughter. My Mother and I are not talking since her angry outburst and kicking me out of her house. It’s sad when someone has a explosive temper and can’t control it. I dealt with that as far back as I can remember as a child. Don’t set her off! It makes for a miserable person who only focuses on the negatives and is always trying to start problems. The weather here is changing. It’s supposed to rain today. I stopped after my Dr’s appointment yesterday and had lunch at our new Chinese food restaurant. It was very good and they had lunch specials. Very reasonable. I’m going to head to the library. 1 bank to clean this evening. It’s very small and only takes 1 hour. Have a good gamble free day everyone!

[lizbeth4]

My yearly physical went well. Now for my mammogram and blood work soon as she just submitted the referrals I had my fly shot. My DR asked if I was experiencing any anxiety, depression orc trouble sleeping. These are questions she normally asks her patients. She beat me to it. She has prescribed a mild antidepressant. I’m relieved. Hopefully it will even me out! Working 2 hours cleaning 1 bank tonight. I have my work shirts and supplies. Ready to go!

[lizbeth4]

Wow! I cleaned both banks tonight! I’m tired! Cleaning isn’t easy but I’ll get used to it. I’m getting my work out. LOL! I’m working on my own starting tomorrow night. I unlocked the doors and disarmed and set the alarms tonight. I feel confident! My youngest Daughter blew the head gasket in her older car today. She has no way to work now. She starts early in the mornings and the public transit doesnt run that early.
She really loves her job. I feel so bad that I can’t help her with the repairs. She understands and is being positive but it hurts me that I can’t help her. She was already struggling financially and is not happy with the friends she and my Granddaughter are living with. They aren’t very supportive. I’ve told her that she always has a home to come to but small town living isn’t for her. She says she will figure it out. It still makes me sad!

[lizbeth4]

I’m really upset at myself! I’ve allowed another person’s actions disturb my peace. When will I learn that I have no control over anyone else’s behavior??? I only have control over how i react! I take everything to heart and allow myself to get hurt over and over. I accept bad behavior from others instead of putting my foot down! I walk away but go back again for more abuse. I have to end the cycle no matter how painful.

[lizbeth4]

I’m struggling with anxiety and depression today. My encounter with the toxic family member drained me completely. I was thrown out of her house again as I wouldn t agree with what she was saying. Her explosive anger is too much. I’m not functioning as I want today. I’m hoping to get a few things accomplished today. I work tonight. My last training day. I received another call this morning concerning another job offer but I’m happy with the one I have. Thank goodness that I have no money as I would probably be gambling.

[lizbeth4]

Toxic family member! Drained! That’s all I can say.

[lizbeth4]

That is awesome news! Keeping busy helps me too. Keep going!

[lizbeth4]

Thanks Monica. Seems we were posting at the same time. I will have the doors locked at all times until I leave the banks. The outside work, wiping off the ATMs, teller window, will be done in the day hours on Saturday. I can do the 1 bank during the day as they close at 4pm daily. I will always have my cell phone. I will be aware of my surroundings.

[lizbeth4]

P.S. I talked to my friend of 29 years yesterday. We always laugh and act silly! I’m going to visit her next month. Also, I’ve decided that when I see my GP for my physical on Tuesday, I’m asking for a anti depressant. My anxiety and depression seems to be getting worse and lasting longer. I need to get a grip on it.

[lizbeth4]

Yesterday I worked with the woman whose place I’m taking. She was,all over the place. Very high strung to say the least. She made it clear contrary to what the district manager said that she doesn’t want to cover me if I want a day off. She already has a new job. Ok. So, I have one bank to clean on Saturday and I can have that done by 3pm, go to the city and come back on a Monday. As long as the banks are cleaned by opening time on Tuesday. So I can see my Grandkids , kids and friends. Monday I’m working with the district manager. I’m going to ask him to let me open up and disarm and arm the alarms as I will be on my own moving forward. Today I’m caulking the trim on the back of the house and cleaning the leaves up in the back yard. No gambling thoughts. Just happy thoughts as I can pay all of my bills now that I have extra income.

[lizbeth4]

Thanks Kathryn. Yes, I am a yes person. I’m doing better at saying no but still feel guilty. I’m a people pleaser. Something that has plagued me since childhood. I’m looking forward to this job.

[lizbeth4]

I’m sorry that you are going through this difficult time. You are your first priority. Take care of yourself first! I’m going to my GP for my yearly physical this coming Tuesday. I’m talking to her about antidepressants. I think I would benefit from them. It doesn’t take much for me to get into a depression. Talk to your DR! Get some help. This addiction and everything that goes with it is so overwhelming at times and takes a lot from us. Concentrate on YOU!

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