[lizbeth4]

Life is good! It’s a sunny day without rain. I did some errands this morning and stopped by for a quick visit with my Mom. Conclusion: she’s looked for the bad and negative so long that it has turned her into a angry and bitter person. She likes it when someone is down and out. Sad and pathetic. The realization of all of this has finally given me the power to let the pain go. Our relationship will be on a basic level. I love her because she is my Mom. No deep relationship between us. That’s how it is. I’m free. Any guilt or second guessing myself is gone. Finished!!! This is a big one for me!!!!! No gambling thoughts or urges. Just a sense of peace, contentment and feeling like my life can move forward.

[lizbeth4]

We can’t go back and change anything! But we can move forward and make our lives better!!! I think that forgiving ourselves is one of the hardest things to do. But it’s a form of self care and love. Be kind to yourself. Keep going in your recovery. You are doing great!

[lizbeth4]

Another week gamble FREE! Congrats! Banning has helped me not gamble in the town Iive in. I need to ban from my last gambling venue but it is a distance from me. No excuse. Slotjunkie, I can’t ever enter a casino again either. One day at a time! Have a awesome lunch with your Sister.

[lizbeth4]

Today is another cold and windy day. It looks like it’s going to rain. I’ve had some thoughts of gambling. I’ve kept myself busy going through my Granddaughter’s outgrown clothing. I posted some winter stuff for free online and was able to help someone who’s child needed them. I have a portable heater I don’t use which I listed for sale and someone is coming by in a few hours look at it. it will be another $40 in my pocket. Tried to have a phone conversation with my Mom but there’s no connection between us anymore. Sad but true. I was just checking to see if she was okay. My power window motor is going out. It makes a awful noise when I lock the doors. Estimated cost to replace is $350 to $500. It will have to wait. Hopefully I can lock the doors manually with the key or I will have to leave the car unlocked. It will work!!! Work tonight is easy, only the small bank. How did I ever get anything done when I was spending my days in the casino, gambling? I guess I didn’t. I know my relationships suffered. I’ve mended the ones that are important to me. The others were not meant to be. I know one thing, during the heavy gambling days my health really suffered. I’ve taken that back too!!! Life can be good!

[lizbeth4]

You have gotten this far and you are doing great! Some days are harder than others. You can get through today! Keep going! Find something to occupy yourself. Stay strong!

[lizbeth4]

Woke to rain. There was a light dusting of snow on the mountains surrounding me. I’m having my hot herbal tea. I’m starting my days again with meditation and positive affirmations. I’ve realized that I’ve allowed certain family members to treat me poorly. I’ve tolerated it for years. Was it because they were family? I wouldn’t have tolerated it from anyone else. It’s caused me to have low self esteem and think that I’m unworthy and that I don’t deserve good things to happen to me. It’s really screwed me up! But I’m taking my power back. I will no longer tolerated disrespect. I’m worthy of all good things entering my life. I’m free to pursue my dreams and live my life the way I want to. I’m free to walk away from negative situations and people. It’s okay to distance myself from these things. I think these are positive steps for my life and my recovery. The more i value myself, the less likely I am to gamble.

[lizbeth4]

I’ve been on both sides. I borrowed once from a friend, not for gambling but for car repairs. Then she wanted the money back sooner that we had agreed on. I was able to give her some of it then and the rest when we had agreed upon. It ruined our friendship and we talked again???????? I’ve lent money also and sometimes have not been repayed. I just don’t lend anymore. And I have said no also. It’s the people pleaser in me, my low self esteem that made me feel guilty and wanting to help. I think that’s part of the CG traits. I don’t loan or borrow from individuals anymore.

[lizbeth4]

I took my Daughter and Granddaughter back to the city and came back and cleaned both banks. I enjoyed having them here. My Granddaughter’s 18 month check up went well. She had to get 1 shot. We visited with my Mom and of course I received the snide remarks and honestly, I’m done fighting with her. My Daughter just shook her head. It’s pathetic. Now I won’t talk to or see her for 1 week. My choice for my sanity. Going to pick up my Granddaughter Saturday after work and bring her back to Mommy on Monday afternoon. My Daughter had some plans for the weekend and I get to spend time with my princess. No gambling thoughts!

[lizbeth4]

I do have to watch which herbal medicine I take as I am on 2 heart medicines. I would have to clear it with my cardiologist. I picked up my Daughter and Granddaughter and we had a wonderful day together. My Daughter is considering coming back home. She’s having trouble getting to work and her living arrangements aren’t what she thought they would be. She wants to give it a little more time before she makes a decision. I told her that she always has a home to come to. This time though, we’d have to talk about our expectations and be upfront with each other. There were things we needed to change on both of our parts from the last time she was here.
That the goal is for her to get a job, car and eventually a place of her own. I would help with babysitting and she could save her earnings to accomplish her goals. We will see what happens. My Granddaughter is precious. She says , Hi Nana, hugs!!!! I’m blessed! Gambling isn’t in the picture.

[lizbeth4]

Everyone I know has a dysfunctional family. Really sad. Yes, it makes for very many awkward conversations and situations. It is frustrating because it’s unfixable. It’s okay to rant. Everyone needs to release! I’ve decided not to expect anything from anyone as I’m always dussapoibted. I’m not stressing about the holidays as I will do what works for me. My weekend will be awesome tomorrow when I pick up my Daughter and Granddaughter for a visit. I’m searching for a part time day job also. There’s not a lot here. I want to pay off all these credit cards so I can start my traveling adventures. I’m ready!

[lizbeth4]

Monica, My first GA meeting was 97 percent men. I was immediately put on the spot and asked to read from the handbook and was grilled by the man running it. At break, I was smoking at the time, 1 of the 3 women there suggested I find another group. They had been there a long time and this was a tuff group to handle. I got in my car and tore out of there. And my quest to find a group started. After many, I can honestly say that none have grabbed my attention. The last one I attended in the city was ok. No ties were formed. Very disappointing!

[lizbeth4]

My one wish is that my family members could get along and forgive. My Grandkids will never have a relationship. Much of my good childhood memories was spent with cousins. I probably started gambling to try and cope with stress. Not a excise but your brain can only take so much! My Husbands family was very dysfunctional. In fact, he told me not to reach out to any of them when he was sick or after he died. His oldest Sister found me on social media 1 year after his death to tell me that their Mother had died. She couldn’t get hold of her brother, my husband. I had to tell her that he had passed. I truly miss him. He and I understood each other. We gave each other comfort.

[lizbeth4]

Laura, Do you want to know how dysfunctional my family is? My Sister has never invited any family members to the ranch she has lived on for 8 years. Both her son’s are banned because they had disagreement with her boyfriend. My Sister and oldest Nephew don’t talk to my oldest and my oldest Daughter and her boyfriend are cordial to my youngest Daughter but I would never have Thanksgiving at their place. And me, I talk to everyone. My oldest may go to her boyfriend’s family house as she has in the past. I will figure something out for my girls and grandkids if the want to come to my house. Otherwise, I may just fix something for myself, solo. My family is a lot to handle. My Mom, well she is very angry and likes projecting it on me. Mentally, I’m done and don’t want to hear anymore. She is a mean and bitter person. But she is my Mom, otherwise I would have walked away a long time ago. Monica, I do believe in alternative medicine. I’ve used herbs before but never acupuncture. It’s something to think about. I want my Grandkids to know that I love them unconditionally. That’s my legacy to them.

[lizbeth4]

Yes, I need to figure the medication out. Tonight was ruff hardly no sleep and both bank lobbies were extremely dirty. I managed to have enough energy to go grocery shopping for food for while my Daughter and Granddaughter are here. Kathryn, I know Thanksgiving will work out. I’m going to get the oven checked out. I’m hoping to cook dinner but there are options. We can always go to a buffet that day. As long as we are together. As for my Mother, she keeps trying everything to hurt me and mentally I’m done with her crap. I tune her out. She’s not happy about anything. It’s sad but it’s not going to be at my expense no more. She gripped about my Sister, my Nephew. OMG! Life is too short and frankly, I don’t give a damn. No gambling keeps me grounded.

[lizbeth4]

I’m glad your Cher experience was good. Thanks for your post! Have fun on your camping adventure. Have a good weekend.

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