[lizbeth4]

Hi echo, Welcome to GT. We are all here to support each other. I have many gamblers in my family who don’t think they have a problem. I do! Put all barriers up! Keep posting. Stay strong.

[lizbeth4]

Hi. I’m glad the blocker is helping you. I need to find some more barriers. Casinos are my venue. Thanks for your support. I’m feeling better after my relapse. If it wasn’t for people like you, I wouldn’t keep trying. I fully understand not telling your family. I have and it falls on deaf ears as they don’t take me seriously and don’t support me. Here, I don’t feel judged. I hope you’ve had a good day! Thanks again.

[lizbeth4]

Today was a little better. Thanksgiving has been figured out. My oldest Nephew and his family are coming on Thanksgiving. My oldest Daughter, Grandson are coming the day before. She is cooking a non transitional meal for us. They are having Thanksgiving dinner with her boyfriend’s family. I went with my Mom to purchase a turkey, ect. I’m cooking on Thanksgiving. I will know Friday after the oven repair guy is here whether it will be at my house or Mom’s. I decided to pick up my Granddaughter for a few days as I have Monday off. Waa a little undecided but I don’t get to spend a lot of time with her. We can go on walks and the playground. I keep causing damage to my finances every time I relapse. Whether big or small it keeps me going backwards. I’m tired of it!!! Thinking of more barriers and support. Must find ways to overcome this addiction.

[lizbeth4]

I slept well as I was exhausted with all of my worrying. I can’t GAMBLE ANYMORE! I’m at the end of the road and will be facing terrible consequences if I continue. I need to make a few phone calls today and put off paying a few bills. Vera, I had good intentions with my new job but it does give me more temptations. I wish I could go into residential treatment but I couldn’t afford it and my insurance doesn’t cover it. I truly need some major help dealing with this addiction. Today I’m so mentally tired. I’m going to rake the leaves in the front yard. I’m going to decide whether I’m going to pick up my Granddaughter on Sunday thru Tuesday afternoon. It might do me good.

[lizbeth4]

Need to post. I know it’s multiple times but it helps me. I made some dinner and I was hungry. I had another job opportunity but had to turn it down as it wasn’t for me. I know, at this moment I should be taking anything. Someone who I meet while selling items, offered me the job. Delivering food from 6 different places here. Day hours! I don’t want to be on call. I want set hours. The surrounding small towns are remote and the roads aren’t paved. A lot of wear and tear on my car. So I said no. Feeling like a big loser. I’ll be scraping the rest of the month. My debts are so overwhelming even with the debt consolidation as some creditors won’t join. I can’t mess up. Almost every cent is for bills. I have a little money for myself but not much. My part time job should be alievating some of the pressure but not if I keep gambling. How did it all come to this? Part of me dies with every relapse.

[lizbeth4]

I haven’t ate all day! Just sick of my stupid actions. I’m working my butt of and spinning my wheels! I never learn. I wish I could stop this crap. I’m aging. Gambling is sucking the life out of me!!!

[lizbeth4]

Besides my short pay check, I’ve gambled also today. I didn’t blow a lot but now with the short pay, every penny is precious. I’m just sick! I had to confess as I feel like the biggest jerk! What is wrong with me. At one point of my gambling episode, I’d tripled my money. I couldn’t stop myself till I had put it all back in the machines. Then I come to find out about my pay. Now I have that sinking, depressed feeling, plus I’m sick. I have to go to work soon. I want to crawl under a rock and never come out. I haven’t paid all of my bills so mote excuses and double payments next month! OMG, when am I going to learn?

[lizbeth4]

Having a crappy day! My pay from the job was significantly short. A mistake. Payroll is in another state. 10 days toll it will be fixed? No advance. Puts me in a extremely bad place. Also. Some sort of bug is going around town. Sore throat, fever. I’ve been filling sick all day. Have to go to work soon. URRRRR!

[lizbeth4]

Cleaned the bank vault this morning. I will have the 11th and 12th off because of Veterans Day. I’m thinking of getting my Granddaughter. While I was at the bank, my supply order came in, not what I asked my boss for. URRRR! I had left overs from the salmon dinner I fixed my Mom. Yummy. Going to work in a hour. Tomorrow, cleaning up leaves in the front yard. Keeping busy and staying out of trouble!!!

[lizbeth4]

Keep up with the non smoking. It’s been years for me and I do feel a lot better. We can’t fix anyone and their bad,behavior but we don’t have to like it. I’m happy that Bailey got to drive thanks to you!! He will remember Mom taking the time with him. Hope you are having a good day.

[lizbeth4]

Where do I start? I’ve had gamvling thoughts. My Sister is coming for a surprise visit. She said specifically to see Mom. It really hit me the wrong way. I work 2 of the days that she is here. I’m sure part of that time they will spend in the casino. I may get a invite for dinner. I know I shouldn’t give a damn but they are hurtful and disrespectful. I’ve been a good daughter and sister. I can’t stop the way they act but it’s not going to be like last time. I may just have to stay away.

[lizbeth4]

Yes, I write down my start and finish times at work. I could shave of 15 mins here and there at the larger bank to make up when I go over the alloted time. I’m being very specific about the new job so I may not find such a job. I’m feeling motivated. But paying off my debts at a slower rate is ok. My Daughter is going to get her leg xrayed tomorrow. Her kneecap looks strange, like something is broken. My Granddaughter is just fine.

[lizbeth4]

When I was shopping last Thursday, I ran into my acquaintance. She is a active CG and claims to have a lot of money. I glanced into her cart and it reminded me of how I shop when I’ve gambled. Theyv e downsized recently into a way smaller home in the worse part of town. Her Husband has cancer and his health insurance won’t pay all of the chemo. They are already $50,000 in rears to the DR. She told me she goes everyday to the casino. I wanted to scream. So sad! Then I ran into my favorite cocktail waitresses and her kids. She asked me where I’d been. I told her that I had banned myself from the casino. She said good for you! She said it was basically the same people everyday and the same sad faces. She said it was depressing. It was a eye opener!!!! Made me happy that I’m not gambling.

[lizbeth4]

I was thinking tonight while I was working, I need to get another part time job. Mon-Friday, days, 20 hours per week. I could pay off the 3 high interest loans I have. They are really taking a chunk of my money. So, I’ve put it out there in the universe and to my higher power. This job I have now was just dropped on me basically. It was a terrible night at work. Someone spilled coffee throughout the lobby. Big mess! At the other location, there was glitter and icing from cookies through the lobby. I only get paid for a certain amount of time for each bank. If I go over that, I’m working for nothing. Tonight I went over 1 hour. Oh well, I couldn’t leave it like that. Tired. Going to bed. Tomorrow, I’m working most of the day in my back yard. Nighty night!

[lizbeth4]

Glad that you started a new thread. Many things you have said reflect things in my life, except I am starting my sixties. Family members gamble and many are addicted, and thats how i started gambling. Being put down is a big trigger for me also. I know you can change things. I think that when you put yourself first, you are a better you and a better person for your loved ones. I’ve messed up relationships, ect with my years of gambling. But hey, we can’t go back only forwards. The people who stood by me and still love me with all of my faults are the people I want in my life because I feel the same for them. So, Don’t be too hard on yourself. Remember that you are worth it!

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