[lizbeth4]

I made it through the day with God’s grace.

[lizbeth4]

Really struggling!!!

[lizbeth4]

Thanks Jen for bringing this thread up to the top. P, I think of you often. I hope you are doing well! I miss your posts!

[lizbeth4]

Feeling lousy. Fought this bug off for about 1 week but it finally got me! I’ve re read all of the posts regarding my relapse. Thank you for your support and views. In the end, it’s all in my hands and the choices I decide to make. I’ve come up with a few more barriers and that includes banning from the latest casino I was in. I’m ready to face the consequences from my latest relapse which may mean a court judgement. Yes, i-did-it, this maybe my rock bottom! I’m not making any excuses about my gambling anymore. I chose to do it. Also, I maybe depending on this site too much. I’m going to limit my posting. I need to stand on my own 2 feet and figure this all out! This will be challenging but with God’s help, I am confident that I will be able to move forward.

[lizbeth4]

It was good to see a update on how you are doing. Thank you for posting on my thread. Yeap, I had extra money. I took that money and gambled it and then took bill money to win back my losses. Didn’t work. Never does. But I feel a valuable lesson was learned this time. I’m glad that things were sorted with your Grandchildren and that you were able to remain calm during it all. That takes a lot of discipline. I’m going to take your lead and start doing things for myself. With that extra money. It’s been ages since I’ve had a mani and pedi. Things like that make you feel better about yourself. Take care and have a great day!

[lizbeth4]

I made it through work. In my PJ’s now getting ready to watch a movie. No work tomorrow, so I’ll rest and see if I can get over this bug. I was thinking , I’ve been able to stop smoking, been able to lose weight and have been able to stop other bad habits. They all took determination, barriers and hard work. I can do this with my gambling addiction too! I have to have the right mindset and determination! I know I’m strong enough to conquer. Tonight I had a pleasant surprise. My Daughters and Grandchildren are having dinner together and going to see Christmas lights. They haven’t been close. It was good to hear.

[lizbeth4]

I’ll be 61 this month and I don’t think it’s too late to change. As I’m getting ready for work a sad memory came back to me. I was in my 30’s. My Husband and I were on a tram in Las Vegas. A older gentleman got on the tram. The look of despair and sadness in his face was overwhelming. I knew he was a CG. That’s the first time I suspected that I had a problem. But I didntt actively gamble much in those days. I will never forget his face and expression!!! It haunts me. So I’m sitting here thinking of more barriers to put in place as I don’t want to gamble again. There are a lot of positive things I could do with my money. I don’t want to go to my grave still gambling.

[lizbeth4]

My sore throat has the best of me today. I’m trying to rest and conserve my energy till this evening when I go to work. So, I’ve done more damage to my finances than I first thought. I paid my remaining bills in order of priority. The last 2 will be paid in less than 2 weeks when I get paid again. They will be late but paid. I have my Grandkids Christmas presents! Sadly, I don’t have the energy to work on my jewelry gifts right now. I feel sad, angry and mad at myself right now! This addiction has robbed me of so much: relationships, money, credit, self esteem, my dreams of traveling! I’m starting over! That’s all I can do. I have to handle my finances as I have no one to ask. Yes, I can ban from the last casino. Sometimes I feel so alone with this addiction. If it wasn’t for this site and everyone here, I would of just gone off the deep end. Today is a new day!

[lizbeth4]

This addiction does suck! I quit smoking, really modified my way of eating, have lost weight but this gambling addiction keeps kicking my butt. This is hard! You are doing great!!!! Keep going! We need to realize that we are worth a gamble free life and happiness!!!! Right???? Have a great day.

[lizbeth4]

I gambled! It is what it is! I’ve set back my recovery and financial progress. I’m mad at myself!!! This addiction does suck! Yesterday, I cleaned out my closet. I wear only half of my clothing. In fact, most of my things are eithet new or have been worn once. I advertised on our local marketplace. A shop owner text me and is buying the whole lot today! This will help to clean out my closet and give me money for gas ect… till next payday in 2 weeks. I need to learn to love myself. I am worth a gamble free life. This cycle can’t continue for me.  It sucks the life out of me!!

[lizbeth4]

Yeap!!! I gambled Wednesday night after work. I drove over 1 hour to a neighboring town where I haven’t banned. I didn’t get home till 3am this morning. I watched movies and laid on the couch all day till work tonight. The damage wasn’t a lot but enough. I can pay all of my bills but one. Do, next month I start out in the hole again. Why did I gamble? I don’t know. It wasn’t enjoyable at all. I think I keep sabotaging my progress because I’M afraid. Afraid of moving forward. Afraid of change. I’m scared. I can’t continue like this. I will never reach my goals and dreams! I think I’ve lived with this addiction for so long that I don’t know how to be “normal”. It’s so irritating!!!

[lizbeth4]

Welcome to GT! I can relate to a lot of what you have said in your post. I don’t online gamble. It’s the casino for me. I’m sure that you will get some advice about blockers from other people here. I think there is also a discount offered on this site. Put barriers in place. You have a lot on your plate. It is hard to be a caregiver even to the ones we love. Do you have any out for yourself besides gambling? Do you get any time for yourself? It does help to post here. There are also chat groups here. We all are in this together. Don’t gamble. Stay strong.

[lizbeth4]

Each morning we are born again, what we do today matters the most.

[lizbeth4]

If you fell down yesterday, it’s alright. Pick yourself up and start over.

[lizbeth4]

Today was spent running a few errands. Have 1 bank to clean tonight. I’m going to run by the library beforehand. I had thoughts about gambling today. I have money for my bills and I have plenty of food. I have a small amount of money (cushion) till my next payday later this month. I told myself NO! I’m not going to screw up my finances again! I thought of my BIG TRIP and my peace of mind. I just can’t put myself into that hell again. Tomorrow, I’m going to make my Sister’s earrings (Christmas gift). Then I have 3 other pieces to make. The key for myself is to keep busy. I’m not sure of my gambling free time. I’d have to look back on my thread. It doesnt really matter. Today I am gamble free!

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