[lizbeth4]

Instead of buying cheap stuff and worrying about money, this Christmas all presents were bought beforehand. I was able to afford good food. I donated to several organizations also. The big difference between this Christmas and last Christmas was my attitude. I was relaxed and happy and really enjoyed myself. This all happened because gambling wasn’t in the picture.

[lizbeth4]

This morning I woke with some anxiety and a little depressed. Not sure where it’s coming from. I’m learning not to become complacent and to heed my feelings. I’m confident that 2019 is going to be a great year! I have my goals in sight. I’m ready to accomplish a lot next year. Gambling won’t be a part of it!

[lizbeth4]

I bought 2 blanket sleepers for my Granddaughter this morning and mailed them to my Daughter. I realize that somethings are out of my control. I’ve also decided that I’m not going to let this dominant me. I will be setting myself up for failure. I’m going to keep my daily contact with my Daughter and see my Granddaughter as much as possible. I’m going to keep my presence known. No urges or thoughts of gambling!!!

[lizbeth4]

Christmas was great! Afterwards I had a few triggers but didn’t give in. It was a long day as I traveled again to the city and back. I am quite perturbed with my youngest Daughter. Which started the stress and anxiety which are big triggers for me! She was on her phone constantly and had to go home today as she might have a date. Mind you she is 34 years old. Not a teenager. Also, I found out that where she and my Granddaughter are staying has no air or heat because the unit died and the people don’t have money to fix it. The place is a complete dump. She thinks its acceptable for her Daughter to live in that condition for 8 months. The summers are EXTREMELY HOT and now it is cold at night. Of course I voiced my opinion and she didn’t like it. I’ve given her $200 this month and bought diapers and wipes. She told me she hates the small town I live in and will never live here again. She isn’t working and has nothing but excuses. She can live anyway she wants but to subject her Daughter to it is beyond me. She wasn’t raised like that! I did spend a lot of time with my Granddaughter and will see her in 2 1/2 weeks as it will be my Grandsons birthday. Thanks for listening to my rant!!!

[lizbeth4]

I hope you have a Merry Christmas! Thank you for all of your support. This morning I found out that a acquaintance passed away. Very sad circumstances. No children or family. It made me feel so grateful for my loved ones. I played and played with my Granddaughter today. We went to the park and visited Great Grandmother. I worked this evening and camed home to play some more. Oh my, the joy. The laughter. So much fun! Opening presents tommorow. Fixing Christmas dinner and taking my Daughter and Granddaughter home. Very busy day! This wouldn’t be possible with gambling! So happy I was gamble free!

[lizbeth4]

My Daughter and Granddaughter felt better and were able to travel to my home. They are still sleeping. Dinner yesterday was awesome. I’m feeling upset with my youngest Daughter as she hates where she is living. I don’t think it is the best environment for her and my Granddaughter. She has no car, job, emotional support or help with her Daughter. She is in a rut and can’t get out. I’ve been sending her money and buying diapers . She told me she wasn’t coming home as she hates small towns. She will figure things out.????????? She’s been in the city 8 months now. Very frustrating! Working tonight. Everuone have a Merry, gamble free Christmas.

[lizbeth4]

Things aren’t starting off well today! My youngest Daughter and Granddaughter are sick with a stomach bug . I’ll probably be bringing their Christmas gifts to them. I have been doing some volunteer work. I met a Mother and Daughter whose Husband (Father) is in our rehabilitation center here. He had brain surgery and had a few seizures. They live on a reservation (they are Native American) 2 hours away from here. They know no one here and are sleeping in recliners in his room. I’ve invited them to stay with me for a few days. They are supposed to contact me. Well, I’m praying my Daughter and Granddaughter start feeling better soon. I think it’s going to be a long day!!

[lizbeth4]

I want to wish everyone a Merry Christmas and Happy New Years! I’m ready for Christmas and heading with my Mother to the city tomorrow afternoon to have dinner at my oldest Daughter’s home. Then my youngest Daughter and Granddaughter will be coming back with me to celebrate Christmas. I have a lot to be grateful for! The positives in my life outweighs the negatives, for sure! I know that gambling can’t be a part of my life if I want a fulfilling life!!! I feel deep within me that my gambling days are over. Life is so much sweeter without it!

[lizbeth4]

Yes, it would be awesome to be gamble free for a year! I know life is so much better without gambling! I feel like being gamble free is like a clean canvas and I can start painting the life I want to live! I finally feel like my dreams and goals are going to happen. That is a Great feeling!! No urges or thoughts!, This time I won’t become complacent in my recovery. I’m learning to take my stress and worries (big triggers for me) and channel them into prayers. Everything doesn’t need to be solved right at this minute. And somethings are out of my hands. I have to release them to my higher power. I have many little goals for next year. I’m sure I will succeed as long as I’m gamble free. Going forward. Not looking back!

[lizbeth4]

So today I spent with my Mother because of our birthdays. I bought her some new slippers and made her some earrings. We also had lunch together. I ran into a acquaintance this afternoon. She asked me if I would be interested in dog sitting while she traveled. So, I’m dog sitting in May for 21 days. I have to stay at her house. No problem. $25 per day, $525 total. She is planning other trips also. MY BIG TRIP FUND!!! Finished my grocery shopping. All ready for Christmas!

[lizbeth4]

My birthday will be spent doing household chores. That’s ok. It’s just another day. I had a haircut yesterday and decided on a new style. It’s short. I like it! It was time for a change. I’ve wrapped all the presents. I need to straighten up the house and do some grocery shopping. I was able to sent my youngest Daughter another $50. She’s not working yet. Honestly, I don’t understand why she doesn’t find employment near where she’s living. She can take a bus. I don’t get it!!! My life is going well. I’m figuring out my finances and ways to save and cut back on things. I’m trying to live each day to the fullest and not worry or stress on the what if’s. I’m doing the best I can!

[lizbeth4]

I can’t make anymore money blunders! Every time I have a slip it puts me back at step one with my money. No more chasing the win! The next 2 months, every dime is accounted for. I’m keeping my fingers crossed that I dont have any more emergencies. Then I will be able to start saving money. I don’t have any credit cards as I cut them up when I entered my debt repayment plan. Also, no more loans. Everything is cash. I can do this. These relapses have caused me a lot of self induced anxiety, worry and depression. I can’t do it anymore!

[lizbeth4]

Hit with 2 unexpected bills! Major trigger for me is not having enough money!!! Something isn’t getting paid and I’m paying property taxes the next 2 months. I did manage to run some errands and clean my car. I’m going to vegg till its time for work.

[lizbeth4]

Not sure what’s going on but hang in there!

[lizbeth4]

I’m drained! I can see that I’m not getting much done today. Certain family members suck the life out of me. I have so many hang ups! I realize that if I don’t keep working on myself, I will never be the person I want to be. I do possess many good qualities also. I have to remember that. When I get down, depressed, the gambling monster creeps in. I must keep my goals and dreams in sight. They are my guiding becons!

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