[lizbeth4]

I just re read my last post. I now realize that my Sisters behavior is consistent with someone who has low self esteem. I don’t think she is really happy. What normal person would try to degrade and humilate another person? It’s also her problem not mine. I know who I am. I’ve helped everyone financially in my family and willingly. But I would never ask any of them for help. Now it’s time for me to help myself. Sometimes I do feel alone because I don’t have any family support. But I have the love of my kids and Grandkids and a few good friends. That’s all I need. My Daughter sent me several pictures of my Granddaughter today. It made my day! I felt like gambling today but I didn’t. Progress.

[lizbeth4]

I think today was a test! I didn’t gamble but I was tested! I was told all the things I’m not by my Sister. How great her credit score is and how all of her credit cards have no balances. Yes, her boyfriend is rich. He bought her brand new truck for her and she pays none of their living expenses. This was after I said that I was going to get a part time day job. I found one online. I was so excited. She told me I probably didn’t have the qualifications. In fact, I didn’t have enough college. But why burst my bubble. I wanted to scream!!!!! I used to think that I was too sensitive. Now, I know that I have mean, rude and unsupportive family members. That’s the way it is. I was proud of myself. I didn’t gamble!!!!!

[lizbeth4]

I think today was a test! I didn’t gamble but I was tested! I was told all the things I’m not by my Sister. How great her credit score is and how all of her credit cards have no balances. Yes, her boyfriend is rich. He bought her brand new truck for her and she pays none of their living expenses. This was after I said that I was going to get a part time day job. I found one online. I was so excited. She told me I probably didn’t have the qualifications. In fact, I didn’t have enough college. But why burst my bubble. I wanted to scream!!!!! I used to think that I was too sensitive. Now, I know that I have mean, rude and unsupportive family members. That’s the way it is. I was proud of myself. I didn’t gamble!!!!!

[lizbeth4]

Good that you went to meeting and escaped the gambling venue! I’ve managed to stay gamble free since my last relapse! I agree, if I gamble now, it’s because I want too. I wish there was a GA group in my town. It would be very helpful. Hope you have a good day. Heading to work.

[lizbeth4]

Went to my Mom’s house this morning. My Mom and Sister had gone to the casino last night. They complained about how they lost their money and couldn’t win. I sat and listened to them. All the time thinking, I didn’t gamble!! Yeah!

[lizbeth4]

I’m glad that you are feeling better! I’ve been fighting gambling urges! I keep thinking of the aftermath and that has detoured me. I’ve begged God many times for a big win and then I wouldn’t gamble again. I was lying. The only way to win, is to not gamble. It was good that you told your friend you couldn’t go. The devil didn’t suck you in this time.

[lizbeth4]

My Sister told me that she talked to my Daughter after she found out who she was living with. Basically told her the same things I had told her. I felt good about that!!! She has support. If she needs help, she knows that we are there for her. It was another good day with my Sister and Mother. Antique browsing, playing board games and having a nice dinner. I’ve had strong gambling urges. I know they are stemming from the lack of money to pay all of my bills next month. I didn’t plan well for my yearly taxes and my relapses have put me further back. The only solution is another part time job for a few months. Putting the feelers out right now. But I’m not going to gamble the money I have. I’ll find a solution.

[lizbeth4]

Vera, my Daughter is 34 years old but very immature. She functions on a 16 year old level. Yes, I think it is from her years of drug use. The 3rd party is my eyes and is picking up my Granddaughter for the day on Friday. I trust her judgement. My Brother is trying to worm his way back into the family via my Daughter and Granddaughter. It won’t work. My hands are tied as I can only ask for welfare checks. But at least it’s something. My Daughter has no job, no money. She gets food assistance from the state. I’ve concluded the reason she doesn’t want to live with me is that she wants to live a lifestyle I wouldn’t approve of. And yes, my Brothet has a extensive criminal past! All very concerning. But I can’t let this cause me to self destruct. I have to keep my goals in sight and stay strong. My Granddaughter is my main focus. I must be in a good place for her.

[lizbeth4]

My Sister is here for 5 days. My Mother, Sister and I had a enjoyable day together. Gamble free! My youngest Daughter text me early this morning with, I love you and sent a picture of my Granddaughter! I’m not upset with her. I just don’t know what she is thinking. The person that I’m talking about is my BROTHER! It’s hard to say. My Daughter thinks just because he told her that he is taking mental medication, he is alright. Very naive. Here are a few examples of his madness: he lock my Sister in a fort and set it on fire, she managed to get out uninjured. He beat the crap out of me, every chance he got. He destroyed things to hurt you. These actions progressed into adulthood. I could tell you hundreds of stories.  He didn’t care who he hurt.  Everytime one of us took him in, he would steal from us and destroy our belongings.  He even stole from my girls when they were children.   He went to great lengths to hurt my family members.  To get back with the family after years of us not talking to him, he told us he had terminal cancer. He didn’t. But he managed to get our attention, time and money. A real evil person. Who does that to their Mother? My family is beyond shocked that my Daughter would move in with him with her baby. She’s witnessed his destruction. She thinks he’s a changed man. He’s conning her. Her Sister and cousins have nothing to do with him. I’m not going to gamble and self destruct over this. Self care.

[lizbeth4]

Yes my Daughter knows all about what this person has done. When she had told me that she was talking to him on social media, I warned her to be careful as he is the biggest con man ever! She says people change. Not him!!! I don’t believe, it. I have a thrid party that she trusts. In fact, she will be seeing my Granddaughter a few times a week. She said she wouild contact me if she thought my Granddaughter was in harms way. She’s been to the place where my Daughter is living. She loves my Granddaughter and I trust her. Social services will have the police do a welfare check but won’t intrrvene unless I have proof of neglect. I’m keeping the line of communication open with her and we are doing our daily normal text. I’m trying not to lose my mind. My Husband and I raised my Grandson for the first 5 years of his life. I’m preparing myself for a repeat from my youngest Daughter. I know gambling isn’t the answer. I’m working on that. Vera, I’m sorry you have to deal with that behavior from your Son. I totally understand forgiving someone we love but not totally trusting them.

[lizbeth4]

No, my Daughter didn’t have a relapse. Yes, we have all lied but she blatantly and repeatedly lied to me. Of course I forgive her but I don’t trust her anymore. She has come a long way but is putting her sobriety at risk. She isn’t living with a friend nor does she have a job. She is living with a (estranged from my family) family member. This person is evil. I don’t say that lightly. He has manipulated our family for years and used my family.I haven’t seen him in 13 years. Nor do I ever want to see him. His own grown Son has nothing to do with him. He is not a nice person and could never change! He was given years of chances and repeated vile acts against my family. That’s what my Granddaughter is living with. So, when I was in the city for my Grandsons birthday, my daughter said she was working and my Granddaughter would be at the babysitters!!! LIE!!! I literally cried and was physically shaken when I found out who they were living with. So, I gambled after finding out. It’s a better choice than what I wanted to do. I will be banning after my Sister leaves.

[lizbeth4]

I just text my Daughter that I love her. She text back, I love you. All I can do is to keep sending out the love.

[lizbeth4]

DON’T do it!!! Remember how you will feel afterwards!! Try to find something else to fill the time. I’m off to clean one bank. Afterwards, I’ve decided to pick up some take out, a few movies and come home and vegg. the rest of the day! My mind is on overload and with my recent relapse and Daughter issues, I’m a walking time bomb for gambling!!!!

[lizbeth4]

Sorry that I didn’t see you in chat yesterday evening! It was Jen and I until I was kicked off and couldn’t get back on. I’ve gambled again. Loss wasn’t great but nevertheless puts a strain on my finances. I feel a connection with both you and Jen. I hope that we can meet in chat sometime soon. Feeling a little low today but determined not to gamble!!! Thanks for listening.

[lizbeth4]

Jen, Hang in there! Don’t gamble like I did!!! The loss wasn’t a lot but enough to damage my finances. Today is s nrw day!

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