[lizbeth4]

Today I gave my life over to God! As corny as it may sound, I repented and asked God for forgiveness of my sins. I gave over my worry to him also. It was the most awesome feeling. Like a weight was released and someone was putting their arms around me. I cried like a baby.

[lizbeth4]

I have no problem saying that I’m a CG. I wish there was a GA group in my town. I would be going multiple times per week. Take care driving in the rain. I hope your meeting is good.

[lizbeth4]

Tonight I was hit with another shocker! My youngest is getting her CDL license. She starts school soon. It takes 6-8 weeks. She has signed on with the company who will be training her. The first year will be cross country runs. She asked if my Granddaughter can live with me and she would come home when she can. Wrong or right, I said yes. I don’t feel like gambling. I feel like getting my life together.

[lizbeth4]

Brrrrr! Stay warm!!!!

[lizbeth4]

I’m not having gambling thoughts or urges? Even though not having enough money is a trigger! I’m tired of gambling and the lies and regrets associated with it. I want to be free of it all!!!! I want to live my true authentic life!

[lizbeth4]

I didn’t accept the loan. The interest rate was too high. I just couldn’t see myself getting deeper into debt. On to Plan B! I’m still feeling low but not as depressed. Things will get better. I’m asking my higher power to get me through this difficult time. Faith! I’ve been through worse.

[lizbeth4]

I pulled a muscle in my upper leg! I noticed it this morning but thought it was the way I’d slept. It has become worse as the day progressed. I don’t think there’s much a DR can do. I’m taking Tylenol and tomorrow I’m going to soak in a hot bath.

[lizbeth4]

My head is much clearer as the sleeping pill is out of my system. I’m still depressed but functioning better. I put in for a loan today. I will know in the morning. I checked my credit score and it ranged from fair to good. A lot better than I thought. The loan person said I had a strong payment record as I’ve never been reported late on my mortgage or car. I do have a few charge offs-credit cards. I explained that my cards were on a debt consolidation company plan. She said that made it look better. I refuse to be charged a high interest rate nor will I put my house up as collateral.
If I get turned down or don’t accept the terms of the loan, plan B. I will pay off the bill , my living expenses, ect… 3 loans will have to be deferred to the following monrh. I prioritized everything and that’s what will be paid.
Positives of the day: I talked to my Granddaughter. The 3rd party had my Granddaughter for the night. She sent me pics and a video. Everything looks good!
Tomorrow evening is when my Grandson and I talk. I get caught up on his school, music and chess classes. I’m always looking forward to it!
I’ve had no gambling thoughts or urges. I’m not getting thoughts of a big win to help me financially. Honestly, right now gambling repulses me. I think about the money and time I’ve wasted. I lost a lot of my self respect also. This time I want to do it the right way, even if I have to struggle.

[lizbeth4]

I only take a sleeping pill after no sleep for 3 or more days. They knock me off my butt. I don’t have gambling thoughts or urges.  I’m just depressed as a important bill is due and I can’t pay and there are repercussions. I may have to resort to another loan, if I can get one. I don’t want to but I’m backed into a corner. I took my friend’s dog for a walk and familiarized myself with her home. I will be dog/house sitting from Monday till Friday. Extra money. If I can’t get a loan, this bill is going to cost me a lot in late charges and fees. Trying to have a clear head and not let myself go into a deep depression. Gambling isn’t the answer!

[lizbeth4]

I am really depressed! My mind wasn’t into work. I almost made a mistake but corrected it. The bank would have complained to my boss. No sleeping pill tonight although I feel like I could sleep forever. I must be alert for the doggy tomorrow.

[lizbeth4]

Have a headache!!! My house of cards is falling!!! I’m upset, mad at myself. I’ve done all the juggling, phone calls. I can’t stretch the budget any further. Now the chips will fall where they may. Nothing more to do. In the end it will cost me more money and someone will benefit. That’s the results of gambling relapses!!!!!!!

[lizbeth4]

I slept decently. Kind of bummed! Was trying to defer a few loan payments so I could pay my taxes. None would let me unless I default on the loans. I don’t want to do that. My friend called and I’m gping over tomorrow to help walk the dog and familiarize myself with everything. They are going to Vegas for 4 days next month and I’m pet/housesitting. A little extra money. Hoping I feel better mentally today!

[lizbeth4]

Can’t turn off my brain. I’m taking a sleeping pill. I have to sleep.

[lizbeth4]

Kin, I’m sorry about your relapse. I know all the feelings that you are going through from my past relapses. What can you do differently when you get urges again? Are there any other barriers you can put in place? Keep trying. We will never be happy till we are gamble free.

[lizbeth4]

Thanks Vera and Monica for your support today. I really needed it. Whatever happens moneywise, I know that my life is more than that. The main thing is to not gamble. Stress will lessen as the debt falls off. It took years to get in this spot and it will take time to get out of it. My goals and dreams are still in place. Things can be revised. I’m hanging in there.

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