[lizbeth4]

My day got a little brighter. A music CD and 2 bracelet kits were in the mail that I had ordered.

[lizbeth4]

I really needed support today and there was your post!! Thanks so much! This won’t be the last squabble. I just hate when someone points out your short comings but doesnt acknowledge their own. Frustrating!
Boundaries- I’m getting better with it. I won’t contact her. I will respond to her texts when it is positive.
RG, exactly. I’m responsible for myself and will put my energies into my small family. I just hate conflict especially unneeded conflict.
No mani/pedi for awhile. I made the decision that my Mom will not be watching my Granddaughter anymore. She isn’t physically capable. My Daughter agrees. We talked this morning via video chat, she is going to spend 2 of her home days here so I can have a little break. She’ll be back in 3 weeks.
So my self care right now is waking early, having tea and a hot shower. Watching a movie or reading while my Granddaughter is sleeping. It will due.
.

[lizbeth4]

My Sister sent me a text early this morning that she wasn’t coming today. Another time! Thanks for the sleepless night and upset stomach!
We would have probably fought so it’s for the best.
I guess it’s time, for my own well being, to distance myself once more from her!
Tired of this!

[lizbeth4]

I’ve seen the Shack and read the book! It was good! I don’t have cable or internet. Itss not in my budget. My Sister is coming tomorrow to get her left over items from my storage room. Yeah! I can reorganize.
I was upset all day. My Sister seems to point out others short comings but never realizes her own. She likes to start things before she comes to visit. I don’t get it.
I came to the decision today that my Mom can’t watch my Granddaughter anymore. She’s not physically able.
My Daughter and I will have to talk as she needs to be here at least 2 days when she visits. I haven’t had a day to myself in 2 1/2 months. I need some me time.
I’ve tried to find a occasional babysitter but have had no luck.
I’m tired and cranky.

[lizbeth4]

I bought the Goonies movie and Life (sci fi). I’m a little down today. My Sister sent multiple texts informing me of my faults. I don’tknow why,? My family is so dysfunctional! I became real angry but kept it together and didn’t reply. I don’t communicate with her much. I try to stay neutral and not get involved with any family drama. I am so tired of it!! This is a big trigger for me but my Granddaughter is saving me from gambling.

[lizbeth4]

Feeling better! We (Granddaughter and I) did some grocery shopping and I treated myself to 2 new movies. Of course they were in the discounted bin. We went to the park. A big tantrum was had when it was time to leave. LOL!
I ordered the Carr book that others here have recommended. I’m not gambling but my Granddaughter has been my deterrent. I don’t want to become complacent. I still need to work my recovery.

[lizbeth4]

I would have done the same thing for my child! A lesson learned for him! I’m sure he was appreciative for your help.
I’m happy that the diet is working! I hate conflict also. Most of it is unnecessary. Hope it all gets sorted soon.

[lizbeth4]

Ugh! Woke with a sore throat! But my plans are still on for the park and library today. My Daughter wants to take another job she was offered. A lot more money but further from our state. UGH! I told her to check it out thoroughly before accepting. My Mom called me yesterday afternoon and was nicer. I don’t want to fight with her. She is getting so fragile both mentally and physically. I try to stay my distance from the anger and I don’t get into the middle of the disagreement between my Sister and her. Life is too short! I was thinking last night about all the things that gambling has taken from me! The number 1 thing being precious time that could have been used better. I still have quite a few years ahead of me. I intend to make it different and live the life I was supposed to!!! It’s never too late!

[lizbeth4]

Another dreary, cold, overcast rainy day! BLAH! Yesterday, my Sister informed me that she wouldn’t be visiting for awhile. She was tired of feeling hurt and experiencing our Mothers anger. Something happened on Mother’s Day weekend while she was here. I called my Mother later as I hadn’t talked to her,for a few days. She was very short with me and hung up on me.?????? I really don’t have time for all of this. My family is so splintered, fractured. There is no putting the pieces back together.
The rest of the week is supposed to be sunny! Yeah! My Granddaughter and I will be outside, swimming, playing at the park, ect.
Gambling-I get urges sometimes but I’m able to talk myself through them. I don’t want to forget my past with gambling but I want to keep looking towards today and the future without It!
I’ve ordered some European trip catalogues. Just for fun or a goal to reach. It’s good to have dreams. I’m getting closer to fulfilling them.

[lizbeth4]

I have calculated that by December 1st, I will have 4 high interest loans and car paid off! That is $1400 per month! I will still have 1 loan payment and consolidation program payment left to pay. I may save half for a emergency fund and use half to pay off faster my remaining debt! I never thought I would get to this point financially! Now, I will live within my means. The last few years have been tough. But Ive persevered! GAMBLING CAN’T BE IN THE PICTURE! I’m going to be able to fulfill my dream of traveling in the future! I’m so happy!

[lizbeth4]

I am feeling better today! Everything is a lesson. I overreacted a bit. I know not to expect anything from anyone. You just get dissappointed. I stayed up too late also. My Granddaughter didn’t want to sleep. I did sleep well once my head hit the pillow. This afternoon we need to do some grocery shopping. UGH! Going to take a long, hot shower while she’s still sleeping Self care – next month a haircut, eyebrow wax, at home color and a professional pedicure is on my agenda. Have a good day everyone!

[lizbeth4]

Having a rough day! I won’t go into detail but I’ve been let down by someone that I really thought I had a good relationship with. A hard lesson learned. I don’t trust easily and I’m afraid this will discourage me in the future from putting my faith in someone. Just feeling BLAH!

[lizbeth4]

Unfortunately, my state is indated with casinos! Fortunately, my town is known for it’s hiking trails, lakes, wildlife. Many people come from the city, 1 1/2 hours away, to camp. Such is the case this memorial day weekend.
I gambled earlier this year. I think in January. But have been gamble free since.
I’ve contacted all the ranches that offer horse riding. You have to be at least 5 years old. I will have to wait till our ****** fair is here. She can ride the ponies.
Honestly, I’ve never weighed this much before. I have to pushyself to be more active but I feel better afterwards. I love the outdoors. And I’m surrounded by beautiful country.
Have a wonderful weekend too RG!

[lizbeth4]

Today was the first sun in days! We took advantage of it and went to the park. We picked up the mail on the way home and my Sister had sent a plastic horse to my Granddaughter. She was thrilled as she is obsessed with horses. Coincidently, she was wearing her horse tee shirt today!!!
We only had 2 ripe strawberries today and my Granddaughter ate them fast. We have many but they aren’t ripe yet. Wait till the peaches are ready to pick.
RG, I knew that dealing with a 2 year old full time was going to be challenging. It’s been awhile (11 yeats) since my Grandson was that age! I was 11 years younger also. But we do okay. We are going to start swimming next Tuesday! She loves water.
I feel like I’ve made real progress with my gambling addiction. I live in a small 3 stop light town with a huge casino. I’m banned from there but that hasn’t stopped me in the past from driving a hour or more to gamble. Now that it’s not only me, I have a big deterrent from gambling. The urges come and go but don’t stay long. I don’t feel like I’m struggling with them as much.
I’m keeping busy with my house and yard upkeep and doing things with my Granddaughter. Our Farmers market will be opening soon. Time to get the stroller out!!!
I’m starting my diet plan next week. Time for my daily walks again. Always something to work on.

[lizbeth4]

It is another rainy day! I woke feeling a little down today. The weather, my Granddaughter’s turned around sleeping, ect… I started off spilling a large container of tea all over my living room carpet. Ugh!!!!! Deep breaths!
I have to remind myself that somethings are out of my control. I’m a work in progress in many areas of my life. I keep trudging along, making progress. I must remember that!

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