[lizbeth4]

OMG Maverick, I was shocked to see your name! I had been thinking of you. I hope all is well with you!
Oh, I kept having the worst nightmare, over and over again last night! I was gambling in every casino that I’ve ever been in my life!!! I gambled away everything, including my car and house!!! This is gross but when I woke up, I was vomitimg!!!! It was so real. It scared the heck out of me! It was so vivid and real. I’m exhausted now. Going to lay down for awhile.

[lizbeth4]

I was able to nap when my Granddaughter did yesterday and I had a decent nights sleep! I rose early and watered my garden and peach tree! We have cherry tomatoes and lettuce so far!!! I mopped and cleaned the house. Waiting for my Granddaughter to wake up so I can vacumn.
Thinking about going later today to get the car cleaned!
Last night as I was reading the Carr book, I was reflecting on my gambling days. Honestly, I’ve never felt more content then I do Now! I feel like I can achieve anything I want. My dreams will become reality. Maybe tweaked a little though.
My weight loss is at a standstill. I know what I need to do but I haven’t fully put myself into it. I find this ridiculous as I’ve been able to take control in other areas of my life. No more excuses or I’ll do it tomorrow. It starts today. I will reach my goal by September. There’s no stopping me!

[lizbeth4]

You’ve supported so many people here including myself. Now is the time for you to focus on yourself!!!! I just hate what gambling does to us!!! It’s nothing but pure EVIL!!! Are you able to go to any meetings??? I’m thinking of you and sending hugs))))). It will get better!

[lizbeth4]

Today was busy! I spent 2 1/2 hours pruning back 7 rose bushes on the west side of my house. The Elk like to eat them and make a big mess! We have 2 Elk hanging out at the pond across from my home. Awesome animals!
We went to visit my Mom today. We spent 2 hours with her and she seemed happy to have us.
Today I had good news! I was approved for line of credit at a reasonable rate. It will serve as a emergency fund. I had no hesitation in accepting as I am managing my finances wisely these days. This gives me a little breathing room. I have 2 1/2 car payments left and I will start putting that money into my savings. Things are looking up!
My Granddaughter is a joy RG! Full of energy and delightful. Some days are tiring but it’s worth it!
I was able to read 2 more chapters of the Carr book today. It makes a lot of sense. I’m making notes also RG. There are a few chapters that I need to re-read.
Gambling thoughts-none! I don’t even buy the occasional lotto or scratch ticket anymore. When I think my gambling days, the sad faces haunt me. There’s a lot of sadness in casinos. I used to wonder what other gamblers stories were. It just made me sad!!! I don’t want to feel that way again.

[lizbeth4]

Your trip sounded awesome! I’m happy that you had a good time. Life is full of highs and lows. You will get through your financial stuff! Congratulations on your 10 years!! That’s quite a accomplishment. Continue having a blast with your Grandbabies. They grow so fast! Take care. It was good to see your post.

[lizbeth4]

We have a awesome senior center here! I encouraged my Mother to go there when my Step dad died 12 years ago. She won’t have anything to do with it! Go figure.
My Mom is a very complexes person. She is either angry or bitter 90% of the time. This is not due to her age. She’s always been this way. It was a difficult childhood for my siblings and myself. You weren’t allowed to have your own opinion about anything. Hence, we all moved out as soon as we graduated high school. I’m pretty sure she is bipolar. She has never seeked out counseling as that is a sign of weekness to her. If my Granddaughter wasn’t here, I still wouldn t see her daily.
It’s sad but I feel obligated to make sure that she is alright. I run errands for her, ect…. but I spend limited time with her as the anger, bitterness she emits is too much!!!!
On a more positive note, I think the Elk were here last night feeding on my roses. Burgers!!
It looks like or will be a beautiful Sunday.

[lizbeth4]

We have a awesome senior center here! I encouraged my Mother to go there when my Step dad died 12 years ago. She won’t have anything to do with it! Go figure.
My Mom is a very complexes person. She is either angry or bitter 90% of the time. This is not due to her age. She’s always been this way. It was a difficult childhood for my siblings and myself. You weren’t allowed to have your own opinion about anything. Hence, we all moved out as soon as we graduated high school. I’m pretty sure she is bipolar. She has never seeked out counseling as that is a sign of weekness to her. If my Granddaughter wasn’t here, I still wouldn t see her daily.
It’s sad but I feel obligated to make sure that she is alright. I run errands for her, ect…. but I spend limited time with her as the anger, bitterness she emits is too much!!!!
On a more positive note, I think the Elk were here last night feeding on my roses. Burgers!!
It looks like or will be a beautiful Sunday.

[lizbeth4]

My Mom watches my Granddaughter so I could go to the farmers market this morning. I purchased some fresh fruits and veggies, lemon goat milk soap, vegetarian tamales and homemade lemon pepper dry spaghetti. Hmmmm!
My Mom started to cop a attitude with me and keep saying that she was on her own. I think she feels left out because I give my attention to my Granddaughter. I only have so much time in a day and I include her a lot. I’m doing all that I can and the best I can. She’s entitled to her feelings.
My Daughter video chatted with us today. She will be here on Friday for 2 days. She told me to book a mani and pedi as she was treating me. I’m so excited.
Well, I’m enjoying my weekend. No gambling thoughts or urges today!

[lizbeth4]

Well, I kept my Granddaughter up late and she slept through the night and is still sleeping. I was able to get some sleep. I woke and pruned off dead roses from 2 rose bushes and finished a load of laundry. It’s nice to have a little time to myself.
I’ve realized that I’m a very quirky, private and solo person. I have my family and a few close friends. I don’t let many people in. I’m okay with this. But sometimes I think I’m weird. I guess everyone is weird in a way.
I’m looking at some travel catalogues I’ve ordered. Dreaming! It will happen. It has just been delayed. Maybe not the way I had originally planned. Even a trip every 6 months would be awesome.
Windy here again. I’m hoping for a smoke free day so we can enjoy the outdoors. Going to the farmers market tomorrow morning. My Mom is coming over to babysit. Looking forward to it!
Not gambling has made my mind free and my thinking clearer.

[lizbeth4]

Thanks. It’s almost 6 months of being gamble free. The longest I’ve gone in awhile. You’re doing great! Keep going!
When my family would get together to watch football, I was the same as you. Loud, rooting for my team! My Husband, Daughters and their significant others would get a big kick out of it. Those were good times. We’d make a day of it and we always had plenty of delicious food!!
I’ve decided to stop fighting my Granddaughter’s sleep times. It’s a stage/phase she is going through. I’m going to try and sleep when she does. Maybe that will work.

[lizbeth4]

The 2 fires are far enough away that I’m not worried but very cautious. The wind is picking up again so that’s a major factor as to how much smoke we will get today. Right now it isn t bad. I knew that moving from the city to a rural forest area that wildfires would be a issue. It’s the same thing every summer.
I haven’t been able to read the Carr book the last 2 days. A lot of it makes sense and I know it will be very useful. Keep reading RG!!! I know we can do this!!! Be gamble free!!
I’m still dieting. I haven’t lost anymore weight but I’m continuing on. Once this smoke clears, I’m getting the stroller out and walking.
I didn’t sleep well. 2 hours here and 2 hours there. The little one still has her days and nights mixed up. Hopefully the sleep regression will end at some point. Hanging in there!!
My Daughter will be here in a week for 1 1/2 days. I’m letting her take over so I can have a little rest.

[lizbeth4]

Unfortunately, wildfires are a norm here during the summer! Lightening strikes and human caused, campfires. It’s been super windy so it’s blowing the smoke towards our town.
I’ve gassed up the car and have our bags packed, ready to go. All of my valuable papers are in a binder. I also have a case of water in my car. Right now, the fires aren’t close enough to panic. I am prepared.

[lizbeth4]

A lot of smoke again from 2 wildfires. Not close enough to worry about but keeping informed in case that changes. It’s another indoors day!!! Urg!!!!

[lizbeth4]

Yes, I do need to remind myself of the consequences of gambling. I feel it keeps it real and myself grounded.
Am I still having urges? Yep! Every so often. The same triggers, stress and shortage of money. I’m working on both. I’m riding out the urges more easily though than in the past.
My life is like most of yours: not where I want it and dealing with life problems but that is life! But it’s a lot more enjoyable and manageable without the gambling.
I had a big disappointment yesterday and I was really angry with my friend. She drove over my lamp post. Her Husband fixed it (shotty) but it should have been replaced. The globe she ordered was too small. She didn’t measure it right. So she gave me money to order a new one. I had to custom order it and it cost more than what she gave me. I sent her a email with a copy of the invoice. Her reply was, I hope it works for you! Wow!!!! So, today I am through being upset at her but I’m a bit hurt. If I was in her place, I would have made sure the post was restored to its original state. Oh well!
Sleep issues again last night but we did go to sleep a few hours earlier. I’m going to wake her soon. Then maybe she will nap at a decent hour.

[lizbeth4]

I was sad to hear about your relapse. Be kind to yourself. Whatever triggered you should be addressed. You’ve been so inspirational to me. Don’t you ever forget how many people on GT that you have helped. You will get through this!! Take care.

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