[lizbeth4]

The bank damage was $800. It could have been worse. It just angered me that someone took my hard earned money! But when I was feeding the machines at the casino, I never blinked twice!!! I’m still changing my auto pays, ect… It’s getting sorted out. I’m going to update my phone also. No online banking again till everything has been done!

[lizbeth4]

OMG! This last week has been challenging! I opened a email and my phone was hacked. The scammers got into my bank account. What a mess! I’ve frozen and changed accounts, passwords, ect… still dealing with issues. Money was stolen but the bank doesn’t consider it fraud but a scam, so I’m out the money. It could have been worse! I’ve put safeguards on my phone but my phone is so outdated I need to purchase a new one!
I haven’t gambled !
My Granddaughter started preschool and loves it!!
This too shall pass!

[lizbeth4]

My neighbor friend died Saturday night. I will remember him for his kindness.
I’m mentally drained. I am very aware that my relapses have occurred when I’m drained or stressed.
I’m picking up my Daughter in the city, Thursday morning. We are taking my Granddaughter to the Zoo before coming home.
Have plans of getting our hair trimmed today and picking up some groceries. As it rained all weekend, there will be no park time until everything dries out.

[lizbeth4]

I was in a dark place yesterday. I could feel myself going into a deep depression. I finally rationalized that death is inevitable for all of us and that it is out of our control I am close to the girlfriend of my neighbor who is dying. I nsed to be strong for her.
It rained all day Very gloomy! My Granddaughter and I stayed in our pajamas and just played and ate junk today. I needed a fun day to take my mind off of things.
Pretty soon my Granddaughter will be going to preschool. I can start my walking regime again and start my garden and finish a few home improvement projects I’ve started.
Things are feeling normal again without gambling in my life

[lizbeth4]

I’m grateful for how far I’ve come with my gambling addiction. It’s been a lot of hard work but it does feel good to see the positive outcomes.
Today has been another sad day. My neighbor has massive brain damage and now swelling of the brain. He is being moved to hospice. I’m sick of all the recent dying around me. It’s very depressing!
It certainly makes one think about their own mortality. It makes me more appreciative of everyone in my life.
Went to the park today as we are expecting rain and snow this weekend. My Granddaughter was out of sorts. Maybe she’s picking up on my sad feelings. I need to work through this!

[lizbeth4]

I’m still gamble free! I don’t take 1 second of it for granted. This journey has been hard but as I’ve said before, it’s taught me soo many lessons. I’ve repaid another debt. I’m on course to being debt free by the end of 2020!! My mind is clear and free from the worry from the debts related to gambling. It’s freeing! My relationships are stronger as I am here, present.
My next door neighbor suffered a stroke yesterday and was air lifted to the city. His prognosis isn’t good.
I know that life as you know it can change in a second. Embrace each day and live it to the fullest!

[lizbeth4]

I’m still gamble free!!! Don’t ever give up on yourself!! I struggle sometimes but I’m able to work through my feelings and I keep thinking of the consquences. I don’t want to go back to the beginning of my journey again!
Things are going well. I’ve been talking to many parents while we are at the park and I’ve been recommended 2 preschools. My Daughter will be here the end of the month, so we can visit both of them. My Granddaughter is so ready for it. I’m going to focus on myself while she is at school. I’m going to start walkimg again. I’m going to start getting my mani and pedis again. Maybe a facial once in awhile!
Looking forward to some me time. Self care!

[lizbeth4]

Today, gambling thoughts emerged as always with family issues. My Mother and Sister had a falling out 10 months ago. Neither one has talked to the other since. I’ve stayed neutral but my Mother has tried to bad mouth my Sister to me and has tried to tell me things my Sister has supposedly said about me. I’ve squashed it!
Today my Sister called to tell me that she loves me but she will be talking to our Mother again. My Mother sent the most horrible letter to her. OMG!
We suffered so much mental abuse as children and my Mom continues to this day to be a hurtful and manipulative person.
I have minimal contact with her. Very sad as I live 4 blocks from her. I feel obligated to check in on her, ect…which usually causes me much anxiety.
The gambling urges disapated. I worked through them. I can’t let others actions impact me in negative ways.

[lizbeth4]

My friends celebration was nice. I’m so glad that I attended. Today was rough as my Granddaughter was out of sorts all day. Even our park time didn’t go well. Hopefully tomorrow will be better.
Being GF has been amazing! I’ve been able to make plans and long term goals that I know will happen! I appreciate my friendships more. Gambling isn’t my priority anymore!
Life is good!

[lizbeth4]

Being GF has been the most freeing experience ever! Being able to buy things, pay bills on time and to be able to plan and have goals that you know you can accomplish. Not to be tied to gambling!!
Keep up the progress.

[lizbeth4]

Feeling a bit sad as my friend’s celebration of life gathering is this afternoon. Remembering all of the good times and how silly we would get when we were together. We had a lot of laughs. I will focus on that today!!
I haven’t had any gambling thoughts or urges today! So, that’s a good thing!!! Remember, the urges do come and go and sometimes at the weirdest times. Just work through them. They will pass! I do believe that you get stronger with every urge that you get through! Stay strong.
Tomorrow is my 9 year anniversary of my heart attack and stent placement. I am thankful for everyday!!!

[lizbeth4]

I do put myself last. I’m going to schedule a long overdue mani and pedi! I have to remember self care. I will ask my neighbor to watch my Granddaughter. I haven’t gambled! My Daughter has gone back to the city and work. We won’t see her again for 4 weeks.
I think a few things are triggering my gambling urges. Among them the 7 year anniversary of my Husband’s death is approaching.
I’m working through sad feelings, ect…

[lizbeth4]

I’m in a weird place in my head. Having gambling urges. This last week has been difficult. My friend’s celebration of life gathering is at the end of this month. I ran into a mutual aquintance at the store, she put on this act that the 2 were great friends. Not the case at all. So fake! I really don’t know why I let it bother me soo much.
My Daughter is here and that’s kind of strange as my Granddaughter doesn’t let me out of sight for very long. I know it’s usually just she and I. I encouraged them to go to the park everyday without me. Tomorrow she goes back to work.
I feel so old today. I’m very tired and worn out. I have some things on my to do list but it’s not going to happen.
Tomorrow is a new day!

[lizbeth4]

My friend’s obituary was in today’s newspaper. Although it made me sad, seeing her smiling face (pic) brought a smile to my face.
We went to the park today. I put the little one in ther stroller and walked, 4 miles round trip. I’ve put on some weight and now I’m working on that!!! Make progress not excuses!
I’m not dependent on gambling anymore but it’s easy to find replacements if you are not careful.
I want to be the best me that I can be!
My youngest Daughter will be here in 9 days for her 3 day break. I intend to get some yard work done while she is here but I will make some me time also. Life is good!

[lizbeth4]

My Grandson’s birthday party was awesome! I can’t believe that her is 14 years old either. He is a great kid, sweet and sensitive. My Granddaughter was pooped out by the time we came home.
It’s hard facing sadness, ect…but more healthy. I used to mask my feelings and keep things bottled up inside of myself. Not using gambling as a crutch is freeing.

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