[lizbeth4]

I’ve often been envious of other’s relationships with their parents. My childhood was a mess and the only person who was my rock, my everything, was my Grandmother. I only met my Father twice and he died when I was 16 years old. My Mother was distant and strict and acted like her children were possessions. My Step Father was distant and a alcoholic. I thought my family was normal until I was older and observed how my friend’s families operated.
My childhood upbringing really distorted my thinking of family. It took many years and counseling for me to have healthy relationships. I made every effort to raise my children differently than I had been raised.
I feel like I have made many mistakes that can be traced back to my childhood insecurities. But I’ve always been aware and corrected these short comings as I knew that they were destructive.
As most of you know, my relationship with my Mother as been challenging. Recently, she had tried to cause major problems between my youngest Daughter and myself. Why? Because she was mad at me. I’ve taken a lot from her and bit my tongue many times to keep the peace.
One thing you don’t do is hurt my children or grandchildren. I’m very protective!
I confronted her over 1 week ago. She didn’t take any blame. She said she was misunderstood. The same excuses used over and over!
I’ve decided that I will not contact her again. I finally can walk away without any guilt! The negativity is just too much to deal with. I am sad that it’s come to this.
She’s welcomed to stop by my house if she is civil to see her Great Granddaughter. But I will never have a relationship with her. It’s like chasing the win you experience from gambling.
Thanks for listening to my rant. I had to see it in writing and be able to release it!

[lizbeth4]

My veggie garden is planted! We are going into town today to pick up some pear tomato seedlings from a women whom I’ve bought from before.
My life is so different from when I was gambling all the time! I’m now totally present for my kids and Grandkids. But most of all, I’m here for myself and I’m living my best life!
My life isn’t picture perfect, but I’m better at dealing with the lows.
My financial shambles have changed so MUCH. This month I paid off 2 more loans and another credit card! That leaves 2 more loans and 1 credit card! I’m almost there.
I have a emergency fund and money for 2 small outdoor projects. My fund for my new roof is growing. I’m hoping to be able to do it by December!
Gambling is always going to be a part of me. I can’t ever gamble responsibly. I know that!!!

[lizbeth4]

It’s unseasonably warm here! I have the sand box table set up under my carport. I’ve pulled the car back so my Granddaughter can ride her trike. We spent about 4 hours a day outside.
I’ve found myself slipping into a slight depression again. UGH. I’ve gained some weight. I’m going to find a exercise routine on Amazon and start doing it!
I’m a little restless!!! Maybe planting my veggie garden tomorrow will calm me.

[lizbeth4]

THANKS for the post on my thread! Sometimes I’m surprised at my energy level. We are planting our veggie garden this week! Yea!!! I’m having a blast with my Granddaughter. My Grandson is going into high school! Oh My! How time flies! So, playing in the dirt, ect…with my Granddaughter is fun as I know that soon she will be a teenager and not wanting to hang out that much with her Nana!!
I’m just praying about the family issue. There’s not anything that I can do. Those involved know that I’m supporting them and that I love them.

[lizbeth4]

My yard and surroundings are my peaceful place! In fact, it was the selling point for me. I’m lucky to live where I do. It was a good choice as real estate prices have risen and I would never be able to purchase a home here now!
We were graced to have 2 elk (known as the brothers in town) hanging out across from my house in a grassy area. My Granddaughter and I sat on the porch and watched them for quite some time.
My youngest Daughter will be here today for the weekend. I will be able to finish a couple of outdoor projects while she is here.
There are some major family issues happening right now. I am praying that things get resolved for everyone concerned. I’m worried and anxious but I know the end result are out of my hands. I pray for the best results and I’m here for those involved!
P.S. My Granddaughter’s sunflower seeds are peeking out of the soil. She is watering them every morning.

[lizbeth4]

I get what you are saying about the casino workers. I just really hate for anyone to be unemployed now in the US as many are having a hard time just getting their benifits. And many are turning to food banks for help. Its just a sad time!
So, we are waiting for my oldest Daughter and Grandson to arrive for a visit. They have been self isolating also. I’m ready to loosen up a bit on the self isolation. We are going to find a place in the forest for a picnic tomorrow.
RG, I try to be productive as I can find myself starting to go into a depression. The self isolation is hard on the mental health. My Granddaughter keeps me grounded.
My yard is irrupting in beautiful colors. Purple irises, pink roses, orange, red and yellow snap dragons! The wild strawberry plants are blooming and it looks like we are going to have a lot of strawberries this year! Just having my tea in the mornings surrounded by this brightens my day!
I’m entitled to a stimulus check but haven’t received it yet. I’ve decided that some of it will go to one of my local good banks as I have plenty and am blessed in so many ways. It’s time to give back!

[lizbeth4]

So, almost into week 10 of self isolation. Hanging in there! The weather is nice so we’ve been playing outside and taking walks! We had pizza delivered today! Tomorrow, we are picking up groceries, curbside. We’ve planted beautiful flowers and tomatoes. My Granddaughter planted sunflower seeds. We water every morning after breakfast. The rest of the,vegetable garden will be planted by the end of the month!
I’m watching the news only in the morning before my Granddaughter awakes. I find too much is overwhelming. So much conflicting information. What to really believe.
I’m sure our normal will not ever be the same! I was reading the local paper and was shocked that our casino, which has been shut down since the middle of March, only paid their works for 2 weeks severance pay. They have laid off most of the 300 employees. With all of the money they pull in, that was sad! Kind of ironic! It’s hard to get unemployment benefits as the system here is overloaded!!! It will take a long time for the economy to bounce back.
One day at a time!

[lizbeth4]

Self isolation is challenging!! Going on week 9! My Granddaughter doesn’t understand why she isn’t going yo preschool and the park! I’m keeping her as busy as I can. We have outdoors playtime, ect…
I find myself getting down but I try to remain hopeful! The talk of opening up some of the states is very uncertain and scary to me! I know that precautions will be in place but I’m not jumping right in!
I’m grateful that I can purchase food and essentials. Watching on the news of the long, long lines of people getting help from food banks is humbling!! People still waiting for employment benefits, businesses going under, people waiting for the stimulus check to buy food! It’s all overwhelming to take in!!!
Everything is put into perspective for me. If my pension was to disappear tomorrow, I would find a way to survive!!
I hope that everyone here is staying well. Stay strong!

[lizbeth4]

Yes! My Husband, Step Father, Sister and I worked for the USPS. We had a total of 105 years of service between us.! I’m not going to stress over it! Whatever happens, I will deal.
Our government started depositing stimulus checks today. Whenever I receive mine it will be put into savings. My goal is to safe all that I can!
I’m tired today and a bit down! I guess that may be expected as I’ve been self isolating for 8 weeks, 4 weeks being sick with a sick 3 year old! Hopefully I can get some sleep tonight.
RG, for me it’s all about the soil. I direct sow the seeds. I use a mixture of organic soil and potting soil. I lightly water daily. I will plant the middle of May as the frost temperatures will be over. Plants are more expensive to buy. I don’t have a greenhouse or space in my shed to start seedlings. I’ve had great success with tomatoes and different kinds of squash. I try to add a new veggie every year to see how it does. If something doesn’t grow well or produce a lot, I replace it with something new the next year! Just experiment and enjoy!
Well, it’s time for bed! I’ve dealt with a cranky toddler all day. Tomorrow’s a new day!

[lizbeth4]

RG, thanks for your post! I use organic dirt and add my compost to it! It works for me! I have raised beds also. Just keep trying! Sometimes I have plants that don’t mature. Some seeds are old and don’t mature. Last year I didn’t plant a garden as I had my Granddaughter and couldn’t find the time. It’s a daily thing, watering, pulling out unwanted weeds and grass but when you see your plants breaking the soil, all of your hard work will pay off.
As for the economy, I’m worried! Our President is bailing out many companies including cruise lines but refuses to help the company that I retired from. My Husband and I have a combined 59 years of service. Without that pension, my living situation won’t be the same. I ***** on that check! I have thought of my OPTIONS! It’s good to have options but to sell my house and move to a more affordable area (city) would be sad. But sometimes we have to do things that we don’t want to do. Of course, as long as I have my family, it would work!
So I’m just keeping the faith!!

[lizbeth4]

Just finished ordering vegetable seeds for my garden. I’ve ordered 2 types of tomatoes, cucumber, rainbow carrots (as my Granddaughter loves them), squash and salad mix lettuce! I have existing strawberry plants, peach and green apple trees! Gardenimg is like therapy for me and gives me pleasure. It’s something that my Granddaughter and I can share.
I’m wondering if the world as I know it will be the same after the Coronavirus is over? Will I look at things the same way? It’s the beginning of week 8 in my self isolation journey. Days start to blend together and I have to check my phone sometimes to see if I’m right on what day it is. It has been easier than I thought being with a 3 year old during self isolation. We have a routine down and for the most part it’s been quite enjoyable!
My bank account is growing as I am keeping my online shopping to a minimum! I am happy as this is my house improvement fund! I look at money differently now and I value it more!
Many things have changed along with my gambling sobriety. Good changes!!! I’m happier and more content also. I wish I hadn’t wasted so much time getting to this point. Better late than never.

[lizbeth4]

So, I’m hanging in there like everyone else! My Daughter just left for work. Yes, I’m allowing her to come here every 2 weeks to see her Daughter for a couple days. She has a specific driving route now and only goes to 1 stop in 1 state. She is taking precautions. It was a decision that I had to truly think hard about!
We celebrated Easter while she was here and my Granddaughter had 3 Easter egg hunts! In fact, we are having more today!
I’m trying not to just sit idle. My property is weed free and my garden area is ready for planting. I’m looking online for seeds!!
Have a great weekend everyone!

[lizbeth4]

I was able to order grocieres online and pick them up yesterday curbside. We are hunkering down for the next 2 weeks as the Coronavirus is supposed to peak resulting in more deaths. I found someone who makes masks and I was able to buy 1 for my Granddaughter and 1 for myself. UGH. I’m tired of this!!
I have Easter basket stuff and eggs and a coloring kit! We will be able to have a Easter egg hunt this Sunday!!!
Hanging in there like everyone else! This is a eye opener! I’m grateful for a lot of things that I take for granted! I wake up every day with a roof over my head and food and money to purchase our essentials. We are healthy again!!!
I made a nice dinner yesterday and shared with a neighbor via leaving it at her door. She recently lost her boyfriend. She was so appreciative. Sometimes it’s the little things that brighten up someone’s day!
I know that when this pandemic is over that I am volunteering at a charitable organization in town. The outpouring of support from the citizens and organizations in my small town has been inspiring. No one is going hungry and people are pitching in to help each other. We will get through this!
Stay safe and healthy everyone!

[lizbeth4]

I’m almost feeling at 100% after being sick for 1 month. My Granddaughter’s ear is better also. We went for a short walk this morning. We saw one other person in the distance.
I’m glad that online gambling was never my thing as I am bored. I’ve cleaned, done yard work, ect…. I guess I will get my garden beds ready for planting.
I’m hoping that we can resume our normalcy by May, 1st…
I haven’t been able to order my groceries as they are backed up 7 days! A acquaintance of mine, her Daughter has done my shopping for me for a small fee. I don’t want to take my Granddaughter out. So this works!

[lizbeth4]

Yes, I did make a exception as it was my Granddaughter’s birthday. Now we are in self isolation again. We are good for over a week on groceries. Then I will order online and pick up.
RG, Yes, 3 years old already! A very smart little girl. We are playing in the backyard a little everyday! The fresh air is good.
Take care everyone and stay well!

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