[lizbeth4]

Oh, a busy day! My Granddaughter had a Dr’s appointment to address a eye infection. Then to the pharmacy for medicine. The week spent in close quarters with my Mom opened my eyes. She definitely has dementia. No one can talk to her about it as she is such a angry person in general. She is back in her own surroundings now. A much better place for her.
nNo gambling thoughts or urges! Even with the stress I’ve been dealing with. My coping skills are definitely getting better. Happy weekend everyone!

[lizbeth4]

Thank you guys for your support! I came home today. The fire didn’t reach my town. Thank goodness for our FIREFIGHTERS! I truly feel blessed. It burned over 185,000 acres but didn’t burn any structures. It’s 73% contained now and no threat to any towns!
nI’m preparing for my Granddaughter to go to the city and live with her Mommy. That was always the goal. Now that her Father is participating in her life, it will be easier for my Daughter. She is looking into daycares and once one is secured my Granddaughter will leave.
nAlthough I will be sad, it will be time for me to fulfill some of my dreams. I’m so happy that gambling isn’t a part of my life. I can plan trips, ect…. It’s all falling into place!

[lizbeth4]

Well, there’s been a lot going on. My Mom, Granddaughter and I evacuated and went to the city 4 days ago! There is a wildfire 20 miles from our town. It’s 150,000 acres and only 7% contained. I made the decision to leave because of heavy smoke and the main way into and out of town being closed. It took 2 hours longer than usual. We are taking turns alternating between both of my Daughters homes.
nI’ll return when it has been contained more. I’m just praying that it will not take my home. This is real scary.

[lizbeth4]

I dropped my Granddaughter off for a few days with her Mom. I finally was able to eat today. I’m feeling much better although through a freak accident, I broke my little toe and bruised up my foot quit a bit! It’s been iced and elevated today.
Kathryn, when I passed the casino coming back through town today, the parking lot was full. I think that everyone is back at it again! But not me!!
My Sister wants to go on a road trip. Waiting to see how much vacation time my Daughter has coming to her. It would be fun!
Something to look forward to!

[lizbeth4]

I banned myself from my local casino again! Feel good about it! Dealing with colds. Both my Granddaughter and I. It’s been a hard year. What’s going on in this world right now, the Coronavirus. 3 people I know have passed away. Life is  fragile!

[lizbeth4]

You were the first person that I met here (chat) You made me feel welcomed! Through the years, we remained friends on FB. Your Grandson and my Granddaughter are close in age. I enjoyed seeing his pics and I knew how much you loved him. I was in disbelief when I found out that you passed away! The last few days I’ve been reflecting about your death.  RIP! You are now your Grandson’s guardian angel.

[lizbeth4]

The casino here is opened. I haven’t re-banned myself and I’m having strong gambling thoughts! I will have to see if the office is opened tomorrow and take care of it!!
I know what my triggers are. I’m feeling overwhelmed and I expect a lot of myself. I’m second guessing myself over a few things and I feel like I’m giving a big part of myself to someone who doesn’t appreciate me. That’s my issue to change.
I’m at a point where I am recognizing what I need to change to be happy. No one else can do it for me.

[lizbeth4]

Hi, It takes time to get out of debt and you have to be vigilant. Talk to the bank and all creditors that you can’t pay. They want their money and most likely will work with you on reduced payments. Don’t incur anymore debt!
If you can, get a second part time job. Increase your income. I did this for awhile and put that money towards my debt.
Don’t give up! It took me years but by the end of 2020, my lians and credit card debt incurred from gambling will be paid off!
There are no easy fixes. Keep strong and keep posting!

[lizbeth4]

Everything is going well. My Granddaughter spent my Daughter’s days off with her. We came to the decision that she will go back to the part time Preschool program starting on Monday. She’s already playing with other kids at her Mom’s house.
I’m not gambling. Working in the garden. All of my veggies are growing. Probably another 5-6 weeks we will be able to pick and eat them!
The urges to gamble have faded. Just keeping busy.

[lizbeth4]

Actually it’s semi lock down for me. I’ve been venturing out more, of course wearing a mask and social distancing and a lot of hand washing.
My garden is thriving and I’m teaching my Granddaughter all about planting, ect. Every morning she picks the ripe strawberries and helps me water the plants.
I started reading again. So, I get that into my day.
Daily walks for exercise and for my Granddaughter to pick up pine cones and rocks. We have quite the collection.
Anything done outdoors keeps my mind off of things.

[lizbeth4]

I had a mani and pedi yesterday morning. Oh, it was fabulous! Everyone, employees and patrons wore masks. There was social distancing and hand washing and disinfecting. One of my few indulgences.

[lizbeth4]

Well, we have transported everything to my youngest Daughter’s apartment. Everything is set up! We did some major shopping today! We purchased a bed frame and have that all together. Her apartment is looking Good! It felt good to be able to help her and she really appreciated it. This is something that would never had happened if I was actively gambling. I’d be broke!!
My Granddaughter is already making new friends. I’m tired and ready to go home tomorrow!

[lizbeth4]

Being a Mom is one of the hardest jobs. I’ve made a lot of mistakes also but I vowed that I wouldn’t repeat how I was raised. I would never put guilt trips upon my children. I hold my Children and Grandchildren very close to my heart.
Congrats Vera on the birth of your Grandchildren. The love you will have for them will be a love like no other!
Feeling a little low today. Tomorrow, my Daughter arrives. I have gathered items for her apartment. I will pack up my car and spendf a couple nights with her. I want to purchase a few items for her new place.
I’m still having gambling thoughts. I know that I can work through this.

[lizbeth4]

My Daughter has found an apartment. I’m so proud of her. She has come a long way. Just to think that a little over 4 years ago, she was a drug addict. Her baby saved her life! She has a career she loves and a child she adores. She has been able to purchase a car and secure an apartment on her own. She is my hero! She makes me a proud Mama!!
I have some sadness in my heart concerning my Mother. I would do anything for my Daughters. Their happiness is my happiness. I’ve always longed for a relationship that will never happen. There are too many restrictions and it doesn’t feel natural. It’s something that I need to let go of!
I’ve been thinking of gambling the last 2 days. I think thatf it’s because I’m feeling bored and regimented. It will pass! I’ve ft this before. I know that I will maneuver througj these feelings.

[lizbeth4]

My peaceful place is my backyard. I’m surrounded by trees and different flowers. I try to sit there early in the morning before my Granddaughter awakes.
RG, my Mother’s attitude has taught me to be kind and to tell the ones that I care for how much I love them. They can always depend on me. I was told many times how unlovable I was. I let it get in my head. But now I know how untrue it was! My Mother will have to contact me now. If she doesn’t, I’ll be at peace knowing that I made contact with her and gave her the chance to make things right.
My youngest Daughter is trying to find a apartment in the city. My Granddaughter will continue to live with me as she is working nights driving to California and back to the city. My Granddaughter will spend time with her Mom (days off). I’m sure that my Granddaughter will be living with me for some time and that’s alright.
Hopefully preschool will start again at some time! Who know when it will be safe again.
We went to our department store today. We are venturing out more. We wear our masks and wash our hands when we return home.
We took a walk around the pond across the street from me. A new pathway was put in recently. We saw geese and ducks. My Granddaughter just loves it!
Well, time for bed. It’s been a long day.

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