[lizbeth4]

Just got back from taking Grandson to school.  He spent the night and it does help having him around.  We laugh alot and that’s good.  Hubby was exhasted from work yesterday and is still sleeping.  The last 10 days, I have seen a dramatic decline.  He is sleeping more, barely eating, and moving real slow.  There has also been a decline in his mental health, he acts confused alot.  We need to schedule the lung ct-scan before his next chemo on the 21st of this month.  Then it’s time for hospice.  I tell him everything that is going on, example going on hospice, but I don’t know how much he is understanding.  We talked about retirement, and he agreed it was almost time.  Retirement takes 2 to 3 months from start to finish.  He has enough paid leave to cover 5 weeks as he has used alot already.  We should have the money from the insurance policy around then or a little later.  We will manage somehow and make it through.  One day and one step at a time is how we live.  I am not having urges today to gamble.  I nee to make some phone calls and run a few errands.  Take care everyone and have a great gamble free day!!Seize all the good things in life

[lizbeth4]

Hi Pumkin, I am sorry that you are feeling hopeless. Can you talk to a counselor or seek out a support group. I know you have limited time as you have a long commute to work and back, but sometimes it helps talking to someone who can maybe give you another outlook on your situation.  It seems like you have alot going on.  I know you are a strong person and can get through this.  We always lash out on the one’s we are closest to.  There always is a light at the end of the tunnel, sometimes it just takes us awhle to get there.  Pumkin, stay strong.  You have alot of friends here who deeply care about you and can relate to your problems.  Keep posting!Seize all the good things in life

[lizbeth4]

I drove my Husband to work today.  He wanted to try and work, so I took him.  It was soo said to watch him struggle to get in the truck and move slowly up the steps to his workplace. I don’t know what to do as there is no book or guide to tell you what you are supposed to do when someone you love is terminally ill.  He wants to have a purpose and his job has been a big part of his life.  I understand, but when is it enough?   Last week, he worked 6 hours.  Today he was animated that he try to work.  I guess, it will be a day to day decision, and at some point he will just be unable to go.  This is really hard.  I am going through alot of emotions right now, loneliness, depression, anger, grief, isolation.  I can’t even begin to understand what must be going through his mind.  I need to remember to be kind, loving, and happy for the time we have now.  My oldest Daughter and Grandson came over for dinner last night.  Hubby was glad to see them.  It help me too, to have family around.  This is a journey I must travel, and hopefully I will learn something from it. It would be easy for me to gamble now, but I have made sure that monies have gone to pay bills. Seize all the good things in life

[lizbeth4]

Today is a good day.  The weather here is lovely, 76% and overcast.  Hubby just grilled some hamburgers.  It has been a long time since he’s grilled.  It’s something he has always enjoyed doing.  I am finishing up laundry and cleaned up a little around here.  Going to vegg the rest of the day.  Hope everyone is having a great gamble free day!!!Seize all the good things in life

[lizbeth4]

Thanks RG, Cat, and P for your posts today.  Thanks for your replys, I will take care of myself and I don’t have a problem asking other’s in my support group eg, family, friends, for help so I can get away.  Just getting out does help me from going insane. I have that superwoman complex, but this is not the time, and I realize that.  Cat, I really feel for your friend and her daughter.  That must be soo hard caring for her daughter and 11 month old twins.  God bless her!! Hubby is having a hard day, he is sleeping again.  My neighbor put a new battery and windshield wipers on the truck for me today.  Since I will be driving it for awhile till I can get my car repaired I need it top shape.  I took it to the car wash and cleaned it real good, and my neighbor came and visited with Hubby.  I got a call this afternoon from my Husband’s co-worker.  He locked himself out of the building and needed back in.  I drove down and let him in with Hubby’s keys.  I guess my Husband having lung cancer has caused him to stop smoking.  He has been 3 weeks smoke free now.  That almost made me cry, that is a good, positive thing to come out of his illness. RG- I do feel like I am being tested.  We live in a condo, and have a condo above us.  In the last month, they have had 2 pipes burst, which caused flooding in our condo.  It caused minimal damage, which is being fix, but a big mess to deal with.  Then my car breaking down.  But that is life, you have to deal with it and move on.  P, I will take your advice and get a pedicure next week, it’s been awhile.  I have to get my mammagram, and physical next week.  I thought of putting them off, but I need to take care of my health and that would be crazy to put them off. It is 84% here today, beautiful.  I am going to sit outside and get some sun, that always makes me feel better.  Take care everyone.Seize all the good things in life

[lizbeth4]

Thanks neva for the post.  I couldn’t sleep last night, kept waking up.  Hubby is sleeping much better with the new medicine.  I did get away for a few hours yesterday and it did help.  But I woke up realizing that this week was a tough one.  Hubby only worked 6 hours this week and he is starting to go down mentally and physically.  He couldn’t remember a women’s name who has lived in our condo complex for years.  He kept on calling her Jackie, and no Jackie has ever lived here.  When I said her real name, he still didn’t remember, I could have said any name.  He was in a angry **** again yesterday and refused to eat.  It is soo hard to see someone you care for deteriating right in front of you.  I am taking care of everything now, him, our finances, house, cars.  It is overwhelming.  I pray for God to help me have the strength to get through this and not lose my mind.  We see the Dr. again in 2 weeks and I am asking for him to put the order in for hospice.  I think I need help.  I did feel like gambling and to be honest, I want to gamble right now.  But I don’t have the money, and I know it is just a fast fix for alll the emotional stuff I am going through.  It is not the answer!  Today, I need to get a new battery put in the truck and it ***** a reall good cleaning. I need to ask anyone out there that has been in my situation (with Hubby’s health).  Did you ever feel resentful of the situation? Sometimes, I just want to get as far away as I can.  I am not going to gamble today!!!Seize all the good things in life

[lizbeth4]

Thanks cat, Both my Husband and I slept well last night.  I think the codine is knocking him out as I checked on him this morning and he was really sleeping hard.  I went this morning and gased up the truck and did some shopping at Walmart. It was soo nice just to get out of the house and I didn’t have to rush.  One of our neighbors came over and visited with my Husband while I was gone.  I don’t like to leave him alone for long as he is soo weak and sometimes unstable on his feet. He has a walker and cane to use, but doesn’t most of the time.  We talked and agreed that his driving days are over.  He is accepting his limitations more and I think is out of the denial stage.  I know this is very hard on him.  He didn’t have any side effects with the first dose of chemo, and soo far isn’t having any with the second dose. We have the anti nausea ***** if he ***** them.  I guess he is more fatigued today. I thought of gambling today as it was payday for both of us.  Instead, I paid the bills, ect…  I did spluge on a top (clearance for $5) when I went shopping. I am not going to throw away our money at the casino as we need to hold on to every bit we have.  I will not gamble today!!Seize all the good things in life

[lizbeth4]

Hubby stayed home today, as he is very tired. (from the chemo)  He didn’t cough as much with the new medicine.  I am going out today to fill up the truck’s gas tank and then to the store to pick up some jucies and soups.  Take care everyone!!Seize all the good things in life

[lizbeth4]

Thanks Vera and ican for your posts.  My Hubby had his second round of chemo today.  His white cell ***** went up and the platelets went down, but not enough to stop the chemo.  He goes in for a ct-scan in 2 weeks, if the tumor has shrunk he will have his 3rd round of chemo, if not, he isn’t doing any more chemo.  He got a prescription for some cough medicine with codine.  Hopefully, he will have some relief tonight and we will get some sleep.  He is also experiencing some shortness of breath, which goes along with the lung cancer.  It was a long day and we were glad to get home.  One of the nurses gave him a homemade quilt (throw) to bring with him while he gets chemo.  He really appreciated it as he is cold all the time.  The 2 chemo rooms were full today with people getting treatment.  We talked to some nice people and they had us laughing, it made the 3 hours go by more quickly. Ican, I have been to the lung cancer support group only once, but I am going to go back as the people there were very nice and supportive.  Thanks to you all for your support.  I will never be able to tell you how much it means to me.Seize all the good things in life

[lizbeth4]

Hi Bettie,  I am glad everything went well.  Take care and rest.Seize all the good things in life

[lizbeth4]

Hi Bettie, I am thinking of you. Take care!!Seize all the good things in life

[lizbeth4]

Hi Kathryn, Sometimes quiet is good.  Sounds like everything is going well for you.  Dont’ even mention diets-eating has been my complusion lately and I haven’t been exercising lately.  Take care!!Seize all the good things in life

[lizbeth4]

Bettie thanks for your post.  I believe everything happens for a reason, even the bad things.  I met you the first time I was on this site, you made it easier for me to come back.  I also believe that God does have a purpose for us all. I hope you get some relief (surgery) from your health problems.  Take care!Seize all the good things in life

[lizbeth4]

Hi Bettie, I am trying to catch up on the posts, it’s been awhile since I’ve been here.  Sorry to hear that you have to have surgery.  I can totally relate to healthcare costs, since dealing with my Husband’s hospital and treatment bills.  We have set up repayment plans with everyone, that’s all you can do.  Take good care of yourself. As for your noisy neighbors, we have dealt with that for 2 years.  The condo above us sat empty for a long time, then the owners and 2 children moved in.  It gets to the point of being ridiculous.  Don’t people have any common sense? Thank goodness, my Husband sleeps hard.  And you are not unloveable!!!!  You are my hero, and mentor.  Don’t forget how important you are!!  Take care!Seize all the good things in life

[lizbeth4]

Hi Bettie!!  Sorry about your Aunt’s passing.  My Grandmother married her Husband’s brother when her Husband died.  She had 8 kids and he was a widower and had 8 kids, they had one child together, my Mom.  You talk about the brady bunch!  LOL!!!  I agree with Carole thats what they did back then, merge families.  It’s still creepy to me!! Hope you have a good nap, take care!!!Seize all the good things in life

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