[lizbeth4]

Hi Carole! Thanks for your post. I’m glad that the shopping wasn’t as bad as you thought it would be and that you deposited your check and were able to fight the urges. One day at a time! I am chillin also as it is snowing here. I made it to Walmart this morning before the snow and stocked up on soup, ect… I totally understand my sister bailing her son out of jail. Even though we don’t talk, I worry and am concerned about her. I’m proud of you. You made a lot of life changes this year. Moving was a big one and living on your own. I think that we don’t give ourselves enough credit. You have been through a lot this year also. So, every once in awhile we need to tell ourselves, good job!!!! Take care and have a awesome gamble free day!

[lizbeth4]

Hi Carole! Thanks for your post. I’m glad that the shopping wasn’t as bad as you thought it would be and that you deposited your check and were able to fight the urges. One day at a time! I am chillin also as it is snowing here. I made it to Walmart this morning before the snow and stocked up on soup, ect… I totally understand my sister bailing her son out of jail. Even though we don’t talk, I worry and am concerned about her. I’m proud of you. You made a lot of life changes this year. Moving was a big one and living on your own. I think that we don’t give ourselves enough credit. You have been through a lot this year also. So, every once in awhile we need to tell ourselves, good job!!!! Take care and have a awesome gamble free day!

[lizbeth4]

Thanks for the post Carole! I can’t believe that I have come this far since the death of my Husband. I had a lot of support from my friends, you especially, and God. When I was going through the hard times, grieving, I prayed and prayed to have the strength to get through it. I think because of the holidays, last week was especially hard for me. I was at my Daughter’s and she cried with me and we comforted and supported each other. Mostly I have good days now. My handyman/neighbor came over this morning and told me that his Mother died on Monday. I hugged him and told him that if he or his sister needed anything, I am here. I bought a card that I am taking over later. How hard, right at Christmas time! We never know when our time will be up and I enjoy the moments now. I do what I want and I am learning to say no to the things I don’t want to do. I guess I am saying, live for now! It is snowing here today. I am not used to seeing snow so it is all new to me and soo beautiful. I stocked up on soups and I have stuff to make grilled cheese sandwiches, so I am all set!!! Carole, I totally understand my sister getting my nephew out of jail, especially because it is close to Christmas. Even though we don’t talk, I worry about her and I have concerns. I’m excited to see what the new year brings me also. I have a lot of things that I would like to do and a few adventures that I would like to experience. I am still trying to find my niche, my place in life and I know that good things are awaiting me. I hope that everyone has a great gamble free day.

[lizbeth4]

Hi Carole. Thanks for your post. Recovery is hard and I have had gambling thoughts here and there but keep myself busy and I have been able to refrain from doing damage. I have made some big purchases, the car and house, so I need to watch my money and not do something stupid as gambling. The GA group that was supposed to be here no longer exists. So, since I am in the city 2 days out of the week, I need to find a group there to join. I can’t become complacent. I am sorry that Christmas brings back bad memories from your childhood. We’ve already celebrated Christmas with my Grandson before he went to Hawaii today. It was a hard Christmas, the first without my Husband, but we got through it and made it the best we could for the little guy. Oh, good news, my Daughter and her lawyer met with her ex-business partner and her investor and my Daughter re-cooped her investment money and is legally not responsible for the lease and the business anymore. What a relief as it could have been very costly for her. I truly believe that a job will come your way that is suited for you. Just hang in there. Take care and have a great day!

[lizbeth4]

Thanks Carole for the post. I came home from the city today and took my Mom out for dinner to celebrate our birthdays. I was so glad to get home. I have 17 days to do things around my home. My Daughter is coming on Saturday to spend a few days with me. We are going to make Sunday brunch our Xmas meal. Carole, my Sister is bailing my Nephew out of jail as she told my Mom she was getting the money together. He is on parole so I am almost sure that he will be spending some time in prison for the assault charges. Since they are not talking to me, I am getting the info from my Mom. I hope he has learned a lesson and is willing and ready to go down another path. My Sister is in a big cloud of denial. I believe that my Nephew is using drugs again. But I have no say in the matter and all I can do is pray that he gets help to make his life better. I don’t know about being a inspiration to anyone, but I did get through this year with out totally losing it and I think that I am a stronger person. Wishing everyone a Merry Christmas!!!

[lizbeth4]

Today, I am at my Daughter’s apartment, spending some time with my Grandson before he leaves for Hawaii. We are having dinner with his Dad’s family this evening. I went by my condo to check on everything and to pick up any straggling mail. Everything was fine. I am feeling more content and peaceful these days. When I go home tomorrow, my Mom and I are going to celebrate our birthdays by going out for dinner. I am going to get those 10 boxes unpacked and work on the yard (raking and pulling weeds). I will be able to stay in one place for 17 days while my Grandson is gone. My Mom, Daughter, and I are going out for Xmas dinner as it seems silly to cook for just 3 of us. Disappointment-no signs of the meteor showers. I think I need a telescope. My Daughter has a meeting at a bank with her ex-business partner and the investor who is buying her out. One of the lawyers who work for the company she works for is going with her to review the documents before she signs anything. I hope that this meeting isn’t called off as this woman seems to be stringing my Daughter along. I am praying that everything goes well and she can walk away with part of her investment money and no ties to the business. There is a lot of chaos going on with my Sister’s oldest son. Without going into details, he is in jail again. I feel really bad but since my Sister hasn’t talked to me since my Husband’s death, I can’t reach out to her. Anyways, she has this son on a pedestal and doesn’t want to believe he has done anything wrong. I have been hearing from other family members that he is a train wreck waiting to happen and I think that everything came crashing down yesterday for him. Denial is a strong emotion. I know, as I was in denial for a long time about my gambling problems. We all are in charge of our issues and we have to decide that we have to change. I am not saying that other’s support is essential but in the end, you that have to take the steps and challenges to change as no one can do it for you. I have the utmost respect for people who have done this. Many of you don’t know but my oldest Daughter is a drug addict. She has made many attempts to be clean and has been for periods of time and has relapsed. When my Husband was told that he was dying she went into rehab for 1 month and came out and went to outpatient treatment for 6 months while she worked and took care of her son and my Grandson. She was able to spend a lot of time with my Husband, her step-father since she was 5 years old. She was with us when he died. I believe that out of his illness something good came, her wanting to fight and work to be clean. We are working rebuilding our relationship and it has been the best its been in years. My Grandson told us recently that he is so happy that we are getting along so well together now. That makes me feel so good!!!!

[lizbeth4]

Hi Carole! I hope you are having a great time in Disneyland with the Grandkids and that you are feeling better today. Take care.

[lizbeth4]

Hi Cat! It has been awhile since I have posted to you. I hope that you are having a great time with the Grandkids!!! Mine always put everything into prospective for me. Thanks for being so supportive and being there for me. Have a great day!!!

[lizbeth4]

Hi Bettie! I hope that you can get the insulin pump soon! Health insurance companies suck as I found first hand when my Husband became ill. There were a lot of things that they wouldn’t pay for or only paid a percentage. It seems it’s all about the money with them!!!! Sorry to hear about your niece’s mother and her attitude about her own daughter. Thank goodness she has her father, your brother in her life!!!! I don’t understand parents who act like that and I never will. I put up a tree and decorated ( but not like I usually do) for my Grandson. It is the first Xmas without my Husband and it is hard. He was the one to decorate the outside with tons of lights! Next Xmas I am going to do that! I just need to get through this first year and it is getting easier as time goes on, but still painful. I am praying that you get your pump soon. I understand how depressing that is when your health is not good and the weather you have been getting is cold))))). Take care and keep your chin up. I believe things will get better for you.

[lizbeth4]

Thanks P for the post! I am tired today so I am sit in my pajamas just taking it easy. We had Xmas for my Grandson yesterday and all went well. He loved everything. I am going to the city tomorrow and Wednesday as my Grandson leaves for Hawaii on Thursday for 17 days. I will take that time to get the rest of the boxes unpacked and work on my backyard. I am designing a outdoor living area that I am going to do basically by myself and on a budget. It is going to be awesome. My oldest Daughter told me how proud she was of me, being able to move and starting over again. It was really one of the hardest things that I have done, packing and moving out of a place that my Husband and I shared for 20 years. It was the right thing to do and I am happy. P, you are right, I need to help myself first. Next week, I am going to the 3 gyms here and find the one that suits me and I am going to join. My health needs to come first and I have put on weight since I haven’t been exercising on a regular basis. Next, I will start going to church again. There are a few here and I need the fellowship and spirituality that it provides. I would also like to join the walking group. So, there are many things that I can do for myself. I need to get off my butt and do it!!!!! Take care everyone!

[lizbeth4]

Taking a break while doing some laundry and packing my stuff up to go home today. I am picking my Grandson up from school as he is coming home with me. His parents have their office Xmas parties on Saturday. We are excited as we might be able to see meteor showers tonight and Saturday night. They are supposed to be over Arizona. I live in a small town and it is very dark at night, not like a big city, so we will be sky gazing this weekend. My Grandson suggested that I get a baseball mitt as he has one and we can play catch together. Okay, I can do that. His team won their baseball division and he is signed up for next season which starts in January. We invited his Dad over for dinner last night and had pizza and wings, then we all went to the mall and returned my Grandsons shoes and looked around for a bit. He was happy that we were all together. If I were gambling I would be missing all of these memories and I wouldn’t be able to get them back. I am thankful and grateful for my life now and the happiness I can find in the little things. Take care everyone.

[lizbeth4]

Thanks Carole for your supportive post. Last night my Daughter, Grandson and I when to see Frozen (Disney movie). It was cute and we had a good time. This evening we are going to the mall to exchange some shoes and have some dinner. I went by the condo today to check on it and the mail and I saw a few of the people who have lived there a long time and had a chance to say hi. I miss the people but not the condo. I do need to go back and do some cleaning, ect… before January when I put it on the market. My Grandson is leaving in 1 week for Hawaii for 17 days. My Daughter suggested that I come back next Tuesday and Wednesday to spend some time with him and she said she likes having me here also. We have reached a new level in our relationship and are finally enjoying each other’s company with out feeling tension. All is good!! I’m off to meet my youngest Daughter for lunch then pick up my Grandson from school. He is going home with me after school tomorrow and Mom is going to join us on Sunday so we can celebrate Christmas with him before his trip. He is so fun to be with! Take care everyone.

[lizbeth4]

Hi Carole, I have so many things I want to do. I would like to test my creative side. I have found a lot of projects to make that I can sell at the —— fairs around here. I have POWER TOOLS and know how to use them!!! LOL!!! I would like to join a group that hikes the trails around here, and I am going to join a gym after Christmas. I am buying myself a bike for Christmas. I haven’t rode a bike in years! I would like to volunteer at one of the rest homes. We have habitat for humanity here and 2 years ago 6 houses were built in the new town I live in. Awesome!!! I have never lived for myself, if that makes sense. I am testing out the waters and learning. I am not moving back to the city! My Grandson’s parents need to grow up and take care of him. I feel like I have stunted and enabled bad behavior on their parts as I have always put my Grandson before anyone and they know that and have used it to their advantage. I have no regrets as he is the light of my life. But now it’s my turn. I feel like there is so much for me to do and learn!!! I think it’s okay for me to put myself first for once in my life. I think I’m worth that!!!1

[lizbeth4]

Thanks P for your post! Most of my days are happy but I do get sad when I see a couple around the age of my Hubby and I holding hands. It reminds me of something I don’t have and that I took for granted. I think my Hubby would be proud of me for moving on and staying strong and getting business done, not falling apart. He said he was always amazed at me for dealing with home, work, the kids and Grandson and being able to plan things in my head for future reference. He said he could only do one thing at a time and couldn’t think about more than 1 plan at a time. LOL!! I did some grocery shopping today as my Grandson will be coming home with me on Friday. I still have snow in my backyard, it hasn’t melted yet. I am playing the go between for my Daughter and her friend/business partner via emails. I am trying to get her off the 3 year lease (store). Everyone is agreeing to it, so I am waiting for the paperwork to be emailed to me so my Daughter can sign and have it notarized. I don’t believe it was her time to open a shop. I don’t think that she was truly ready and committed to it. Though I don’t agree with all the things that her business partner did, I have to say that there are some things I do agree with. My Daughter has a lot on her plate, her son and a full time job. I don’t think that she realized how much work would be involved. There will be another time for her. She thinks she is going to get screwed over and not be compensated for the money she invested. There was not a written contract between them only verbal. I truly believe that her business partner will pay her back her share. Don’t ask me why, I just have that feeling. I am going to help her out weekly with my Grandson as I had promised till the end of May when school is out. He can stay a lot of the summer with me and go to a day camp for part of the summer where his parents live. When school starts in the fall, they can put him into a after school program. Right now he goes to karate camp 2 days a week after school. Maybe it is good that I have moved also regarding my Daughter. I feel that sometimes I take on a lot of the Mother role regarding my Grandson and that I have enabled that. I love my Grandson with all of my heart but maybe it is time for his parents to take care of him and for me to just be Grandma. I would still see him on weekends and school breaks and if something comes up and they really need me, I will be there. Maybe it is time for me to find out what things and activities, hobbies that I would like to pursue. I hope I don’t sound selfish. I bought some dinner from the deli and I am going to take it to my Mom’s this evening. Although we don’t always see eye to eye, I know that I need to spend time with her and put my differences aside as one day she won’t be here. I don’t want any regrets. I haven’t gambled or had urges. I am just so busy traveling back and forth to the city and trying to get my house together and doing yard work. I have better things to do with my money and time. I hope everyone had a great gamble free day!

[lizbeth4]

Thanks Cat for your post! I have to stay positive as the 2 months that I took care of my Husband while he was dying and the months after while I didn’t know if I was going to be able to make it without him were nothing but hell and very negative. I feel like there is nothing now that can keep me in a negative mood. It’s not worth my energy. I am healthy and so is my family, so I need to start each day positive and stay that way. I am happy to say that my Mom and I are getting along much better. When it gets to be too much or I feel overwhelmed, I take a break from her and regroup. I have changed soo much since my Husband’s death as the little things that used to upset me no longer do. So, some good did come from his death. I see life a lot differently than I used to and I appreciate it more! I am still happy and content with my new home. It suits me!

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