[lizbeth4]

Sad, it’s okay about the post. Sometimes the posts do come up all jumbled! I do need to just go with the emotions when they come up. I am getting through a lot of the firsts and it hasn’t been easy but it is a necessary part of the grieving process. It is just going to take me time. I get a monthly newsletter from hospice and they last one had a article about recognizing your own progress through grief. About half of the positive changes they stated, I have accomplished. So, I am healing from my Husband’s death. It is just a slow process. Carole, my Aunt is alright, she is hanging in there and doing pretty well for being 91 years old and having Parkinson. Her Husband who is 90 years old isn’t doing well. He is on hospice now due to his enlarged heart (heart disease) and has to be on oxygen all the time. My Aunt told my Mom she want him and her to die together. So sad! They celebrated their 61st wedding anniversary recently. It is the second marriage for both of them. Amazing!!! I didn’t go to church today. I took my Mom shopping and spent the day with her. I am home now in my cozy pajamas with the heat going. My Grandson called me this evening and he saw the Pearl Harbor memorial today. He is doing a lot of hiking and just having a great time! Tomorrow I am staying home and doing some things around here. Just a quiet day at home!!!!!

[lizbeth4]

Carole, I forgot all about the funk!!!! Talking to you is just what I needed!!!! Take care.

[lizbeth4]

Hi Cat!! Merry Christmas and a Happy New Year. Have fun with your Grandchildren. Thank you for being such a supportive friend. Take care!

[lizbeth4]

Hi Carole. I hope that you are feeling better today. You are changing your outlook on everything including your marriage because you are thinking about it and working on making positive changes. Danny isn’t there yet. He is stuck and isn’t willing to make changes. I hope I don’t sound too strong about this. You are my friend and I love you and I am very proud of all that you have accomplished in your life changes. You are going forward and don’t need anyone to pull you backwards. I am in a funk today but I will get out of it. My Sister did get my nephew out of jail and I can’t fault her for that. He went to his arraignment and his accuser (assault) didn’t show. They have scheduled another hearing and if she doesn’t show, all charges will be dropped. They haven’t heard from his parole officer yet as she could still put him back in prison. This is second hand from my Mom as my Sister and I aren’t on talking terms. Anyways it is a mess and there is a lot more to the story. I hope my Sister takes care of herself as I know the toll that it can take on you. I dealt with my Daughter’s addiction problem for years and it is hard. Even though she and I are in a good place now and she as been clean for almost 1 year, she has to go to counseling and group support meetings as she battles her demons. Just like me with the gambling addiction. Life isn’t easy. But we deserve happiness and positive people surrounding us!! Take care of yourself. Get plenty of rest! Happy early New Years!!!

[lizbeth4]

I spent the day with my Mom. We had a nice lunch. Her eyelid surgery went fine yesterday. She has a few stitches and I am hopeful that the tumor was all removed this time and doesn’t grow back. I am in a funk today and I haven’t accomplished anything around the house or outdoors. I am a little sad. I don’t know where it is coming from but I am at home now and that is where I am staying, no gambling for me. I went online and found a church that I am going to go to tomorrow. It is the same kind that I went to when I lived in the city. The minister is a female as is all the church officials . Very interesting. I keep saying that I am going to do this and that. I need to just put myself out there and try these new things and places. I really like this church as they are into helping the community. One step at a time, right? Maybe I am sad because I haven’t seen my Grandson for awhile though I have talked to him on the phone. It will be another 9 days before he is home from his trip. This is the longest that we have been apart. Even though I am sad, I think it is healthy for us both. I need to have a separate life and he needs to spend this time with his Dad and his family. He is getting older (he will be 8 next month) and I know the time will come when his friends will be the center of his life!!! I need to spread my wings and make new friendships here as I don’t have a lot of family and no friends here. I am thinking about my resolutions for the new year. My Mom and I are going to check out the 3 gyms here on Thursday and I will pick one to join. I know that when I work out on a regular basis, I feel better physically and mentally. My other goals are to put myself out there and find things to do and meet new people and just to live a good life. What else could I want. I am wishing everyone a early Happy New Years!!!!

[lizbeth4]

Thanks for the posts Carole and ican! I have been unpacking the boxes I shoved into the spare bedroom. I have made a lot of progress today as I unpacked 3/4 of them. Now, I am trying to organize everything and tomorrow I need to buy a filing cabinet to get all my paperwork. Later this afternoon I am taking my Mom to the eye doctor to get a small tumor removed from her eyelid. This is the second removal and it has come back even bigger this time. I suggested that I drive her as I don’t know if her vision will be impaired afterwards as she will have to get numbing shots in her eyelid. Afterwards we are having dinner at her house. The weather is nice here, 60 degrees. Nothing else going on. Just keeping busy and trying to get my house in order. Have a great day everyone!

[lizbeth4]

I hope that everyone’s Christmas was awesome. My Grandson called me yesterday wishing me a Merry Christmas. He is having fun and was excited about the presents that Santa brought him in Hawaii. (3 lego sets and 4 books) He is keeping a journal of all the things he is doing so he can share it with his Mother and I. I miss him but I think this bonding time with his Dad is good for both of them. I decided yesterday to go from a blond (with a lot of gray) to a light brunette. I love it!!! I wasn’t sure I could pull it off but I love the results. I haven’t been taking care of my self properly, physically and spiritually. I need to start today. I have a nice salad prepared for lunch and fish and vegetables for dinner. I am going to unpack boxes today as I have come to a standstill on that and they are sitting in the spare bedroom. I don’t want to become complacent on my gambling addiction either. That is when I have a slip and I don’t want to go there again. It’s time to put my plans in action. I have had a few urges to gamble but have been able to get through them. Yesterday, I spent the day with my Mother and on the way home there was a song on the radio that reminded me of my Husband. Oh, after a lot of crying and sadness I finally was able to go to sleep. How long am I going to feel like someone is crushing my heart??? I can’t believe that in 2 weeks (1 year ago) is when we found out that my Husband had terminal cancer. I am trying hard to move on with my life but some days are really hard. I know that I can’t go back and change the past. I can only precede forward and be in charge of my future. It’s just so heartbreaking when you lose someone who was a part of your life. I am trying to cope and have found a grieving support group here that I am going to attend. Maybe that will help me put everything into prospective. I think you just have to get through everyday and do the best you can. Also, this was the first holidays and birthdays without him. Everyone tells me that it will get easier. I guess this is something that I just need to go through. I will be alright and it’s alright to be sad. Thanks for listening to me.

[lizbeth4]

Thanks Kathryn and Sad for your posts. It is good to hear from both of you. My Daughter is leaving this afternoon to go home. She is still sleeping as we stayed up till 2am this morning. She has plans with friends to go to a Xmas eve party and she is spending Xmas day with a high school friend’s family. We had a great early Xmas dinner together and spent some great quality time with each other. We accomplished a lot in my backyard yesterday and half of the yard has been raked and weeds pulled. My house sat for over 1 year vacant so the backyard was neglected. It is starting to look a lot better with some TLC! I am planning to work outdoors after my Daughter leaves for home. I talked to my Grandson who is in Hawaii and he is loving it. In fact they are going snorkeling for a 3rd time as he loves the water and is fascinated by the water life, mainly seeing the sea turtles up close. He tried sushi for the first time yesterday and it was a thumbs down. He said he would stick to pizza. LOL!!!! I am waiting for the cable company to come out and cover the new cable line that they had to install over 1 month ago. I called them yesterday to remind them that no one had come out to finish the job and someone apparently dropped the ball as they had nothing scheduled for me!!! No big deal, it will get done today!! I am wishing everyone a Merry Christmas!! I know that I have many things to be grateful for!!!

[lizbeth4]

Hi Carole! Good choice in staying home and trying to get better. Are you sure that you have a cold or the flu? It seems like you have had it for awhile now. Take care of yourself and get a lot of rest! I wouldn’t want to travel 3 1/2 not feeling well and you don’t want to infect anyone else. So, take care of yourself!!!

[lizbeth4]

Hi Carole, The dinner last night with my Mom and Daughter was awesome. We had dinner together tonight again and I made tacos and we played some board games. My Daughter is going home tomorrow. I talked to my Grandson today and he is going snorkeling again tomorrow as he loved it!!! He saw a lot of sea turtles the first time. Everything is good here. Have a great time with your Daughter and the Grandkids at Christmas. Thank you for being a good friend to me.

[lizbeth4]

Today is sunny and 45 degrees here, no snow!! I am getting used to the colder weather and enjoying the change of scenery. I miss my Grandson a lot but he is having a blast in Hawaii. He gets to kayak, go snorkeling, a lot of hiking, riding horses on the beach, and they were going to another island for a few days. I haven’t done anything around the new house yet as I spent the last few days just relaxing and doing nothing and that’s okay! I am not really in the Christmas spirit but decorated and celebrated because of my Grandson. Everyone tells me the first’s when your spouse dies is the hardest. I still feel a little lost. I don’t want to become a recluse like my Mom. I am going to have to force myself to get out and join a organization or group so I can meet people. Sometimes though, I get so sad and just want to curl up in bed and not come out for awhile. I guess that is part of the grieving process. I am gathering information, plans, and pictures for my outdoor living space. I love it outside and I would love my back yard to be a awesome place to hang out and have friends and family over to enjoy also. We changed our brunch today for dinner this evening. It will be nice to go out and have a nice meal and relax with family. Have a great gamble free day everyone.

[lizbeth4]

Today is sunny and 45 degrees here, no snow!! I am getting used to the colder weather and enjoying the change of scenery. I miss my Grandson a lot but he is having a blast in Hawaii. He gets to kayak, go snorkeling, a lot of hiking, riding horses on the beach, and they were going to another island for a few days. I haven’t done anything around the new house yet as I spent the last few days just relaxing and doing nothing and that’s okay! I am not really in the Christmas spirit but decorated and celebrated because of my Grandson. Everyone tells me the first’s when your spouse dies is the hardest. I still feel a little lost. I don’t want to become a recluse like my Mom. I am going to have to force myself to get out and join a organization or group so I can meet people. Sometimes though, I get so sad and just want to curl up in bed and not come out for awhile. I guess that is part of the grieving process. I am gathering information, plans, and pictures for my outdoor living space. I love it outside and I would love my back yard to be a awesome place to hang out and have friends and family over to enjoy also. We changed our brunch today for dinner this evening. It will be nice to go out and have a nice meal and relax with family. Have a great gamble free day everyone.

[lizbeth4]

Hi Carole! I think you are thinking of death because of all the stress about going back to the country and the passing of your mother in law and brother. I am proud of you for getting through this month without gambling. My next door neighbor at my new home died on Monday, she was 80 years old. Her adult son and daughter live with her. When I saw the fire truck and police car here last Monday, I freaked out. It brought back memories of the day my Husband died as I had to call 911 because he was dying on our condo patio. Something is triggering these thoughts of someone dying. Maybe the stress of the holidays which bring back painful childhood thoughts for you. I am sending you big hugs))) You will get through this. Go and enjoy the holidays with your Daughter and Grandchildren, they will put a smile on your face. Take care. You can always say anything here, no judging.

[lizbeth4]

Yes, I am on board for a trip! The Oregon coast would be awesome. It is cold here also but it stopped snowing. I have been eating all day. LOL!!! I need to get control of this and start exercising again and eating healthy. Take care.

[lizbeth4]

PS: I just had to post this. I live near a pond, full of ducks and geese. These geese are nuts, crazy. Every so often, like right now, 20-25 geese come from the pond and invade our block. I’ve seen them chase people riding their bikes, ect… They hang out for awhile being noisy and then disappear again. Forget them moving if you are in your car even honking the horn. They will move when they want. My Mom lives about 5 blocks from me and you have to go up a little hill to get there. They even venture by her house ever so often. I am getting the biggest kick out of them!!!

[Author]

Posts