[lizbeth4]

Kathryn, Just continue doing the best you can do by your Mother. That is what matters now. Maybe your Sister is detaching herself because she can not cope with what is going on. Is it right? No!! But that isn’t your problem, it is your Sister’s problem to work out. Everything will be alright!! One day at a time.

[lizbeth4]

Hi Bettie! I wish parents would understand how harmful the wrong words to a child can be. My Mother was very controlling of us kids and praise wasn’t given to us freely, in fact it was with held from us as a form of punishment. She compared and I feel that she used me and my siblings against each other to get her attention, if that makes sense. I was very shy as a child and a people pleaser. I am just now trying to change those traits as they aren’t working for me. I have trouble also taking a compliment and giving myself credit. Take little steps and try to give yourself credit for your accomplishments at work and for being gamble free. Sometimes we have to set boundaries and stay away from people who are negative and hurtful. I am older than you and I am still learning and trying to find positive ways to change things about myself that where learned from childhood. The only person that you have to answer to is yourself. I think that you are a awesome woman.

[lizbeth4]

Oh Carole, I hope your Mom is feeling better soon. So, will they keep your Mom in the hospital till a bed is open in a facility that can help her long-term? Do you know why she is falling? That is scary that she laid on the floor for 20 hours. OMG, that is terrible that you still have that cold. Try to take care of yourself through this stressful time. Thank goodness that you went to Winnipeg to see how she was. Remember to take care of you!!!!

[lizbeth4]

Thank you Vera for your post. It is good to know that I am in your thoughts and prayers. My Sister is in town visiting with my Mom and will be going home tomorrow. I was thinking about the last time she talked to me (it will be 1 year March 14th, 2 days after my Husband died), well actually she kicked me out of her car. She has her own demons to deal with and our relationship wasn’t healthy for a long time. I hope she finds her way to happiness. I needed a few days to unwind and de-stress myself anyways before I having any contact with my Mom. I think I am a little depressed about my Grandson and not being around him so much but I decided it was the best thing to do and it is a healthy thing to do. You are right Vera, everything changes and we have to change too even if it is painful. My Daughter will never be able to take her role as his Mother if I am always in the picture. I do overstep my boundaries sometimes and it is hard not to do so but it is very confusing for my Grandson. It time to let go but that doesn’t make it less painful. I know it will be okay so I will deal with it. Vera, I think it takes a special person to deal with sickness and death. My Husband died 2 months after his cancer diagnosis. Those were the longest 2 months as he struggled daily dealing with his body dying and shutting down. His actual death was fast but that was because we had a DNR and he was given massive amounts of morphine for his pain and he went to sleep and never woke up. It was the most humane and kindest thing that was done for him. I feel like I am coping well with everything but I do have times of great sadness. I just have to take things one day at a time. Right now I am trying to get healthy. I read somewhere where your health is your wealth. I went grocery shopping yesterday and chose healthier foods. I need to take time to focus on myself a little and make me the best I can be. I have a lot of living left to do and many adventures still to do. I wish everyone a great gamble free day!!

[lizbeth4]

I am home now for 4 1/2 days. Home sweet home! My Grandson’s birthday party was awesome. All the kids invited showed up and their families. He is a lucky boy to have so many friends! The food, cake, and company was great!! I am going to relax tomorrow and to some things around the house and yard the other days I am here. My Grandson pointed out to me that this is the first birthday without his Papa. I remember last year, he was in the hospital on my Grandson’s birthday and my Daughter postponed his party till my Husband was able to attend. It was raining that day and my Husband had to use a walker to get around. He told me that this would be the last birthday of his that he would attend and he was right! My Daughter said there has been a lot of firsts, birthdays, holidays, ect.. for us to get through but that we were getting through them the best we can and that we were moving forward. Honestly, it is getting easier getting through the days but there are still moments of sadness and times that I wished he was here with me. I guess that is normal. Someone at the party asked me when I was going to join a group and maybe start dating. I told her I wasn’t ready to date yet. I know she meant well because she doesn’t want me to be alone but it hurt a little as I can’t see myself with someone else at this point. Maybe down the road. I’m taking one day at a time.

[lizbeth4]

Hi Bettie, I am so happy that your boss finally realizes your worth at work. You should be proud of yourself. I value your worth here at GT as you were the first person to approach and talk to me on chat my first night here, over 3 years ago. Your encouragement helped me to seek support in GA and go to meetings which helped me to stop gambling. Thanks Bettie!!

[lizbeth4]

Today has been very emotional! Have you ever had a moment where the light bulb comes on and you know you have to make a big decision in your life? That happened to me this morning. I have held my Grandson tight to me and I have been over-protective of him because of the lifestyle choices his Mom and Dad made in the past (addiction). His Dad has been clean for quite awhile and my Daughter will be clean for 1 year soon. It is time for me to let go!!! Starting next week, my Grandson will be going to afternoon karate camp 3 days a week and when his Dad get a new car (his died) he will pick him up the other 2 days from school. I will see my Grandson on the weekends they come up or if they get into a bind and need me and of course I am welcomed to see him anytime. He will be staying a lot with me during the summer also. My Daughter needs to be the Mother now. She thanked me and my late Husband for being over protective of him and taking care of him when she didn’t. She said he was the awesome kid he is because of us. I know this is the thing to do. I cried a lot and prayed about it. So, I will be helping out for a while till everything is in place. After school we are going to the park and then this evening the 3 of us are going to a movie. Tomorrow is his birthday bash and then I am going home. Monday is a holiday and no school but he is going with his Mom half of the day to her workplace and the other half she is working from home. I felt a little stress and emotions that were hard to deal with but I dealt with them and didn’t flee to the casino. It is time for me to start my new life and start putting the pieces together. It is exciting and scary at the same time but I am looking forward to it.

[lizbeth4]

as the condo needs some TLC! It is early and I haven’t had my tea yet. LOL!!

[lizbeth4]

I had a offer on the condo yesterday. It has been on the market since Monday. Of course they came in at a low price. My agent got them up $5000, still too low. So, I asked for $3000 more and that they pay their closing costs as they are TLC, but that is reflected in the price. I am trying not to stress about this as it a win/win situation for me. All of my proceeds can be put back into savings to replenish the cost of my new home. I guess I am in a hurry just to get that chapter of my life finished. I need to so I can move on mentally. Yes, I guess I am stressing about this although I am trying not to. I made the decision to sell and not buy my step-daughter out as I don’t want to run 2 households. A part of me is still sad as it was the place my Husband and I lived in for years. It doesn’t feel like my home anymore but it is full of memories. I am praying about this so I can let it go peacefully (mentally) when the time comes. Surprisingly, I haven’t thought of gambling. So, I guess I am dealing with the stress in a constructive way. One day at a time.

[lizbeth4]

I am in the city today thru Saturday when we will be celebrating my Grandson’s birthday. Carole, my Daughter emailed me a picture of my Grandson yesterday celebrating his birthday with his classmates. He had the biggest smile on his face. Mostly I think, because his Mom was there. She has become the most awesome Mom since her recovery. I am proud of her and the way my Grandson looks at her. She is everything to him. She is so patient with him and understanding. If you ask him if he is a Mama’s boy, he will till you yes. I can’t wait to start our craft/picture. I can envision it hanging in my bedroom. I didn’t get a lot of the backyard done, but I am doing small sections at a time. I need to hire someone to trim the 7 trees on my property and I will call someone when I get back home. I made a resolution yesterday that I have to lose some weight. All of my clothes are getting tighter. I kept telling myself that I would get a grip on it when I was less sad about my husband dying but that is just a excuse. As I am not real tall, I can not carry the extra 25 lbs. I am starting with cutting out all sweets. I have had no soda today so I am coming off a sugar high. Having health issues (heart) I need lead a healthy lifestyle. So, today is the first day of eating right. When I got to my Daughter’s apt. she had a crock-pot full of vegetable soup cooking for dinner. She must be reading my mind. I totally gouched my hand yesterday when I was doing yard work. It took a long time to stop bleeding because of the blood thinners I have to take. Looking at it today, I should have probably had a few stitches. I cleaned it up and re-bandaged it. I need to be more careful. Well, I am going to do some reading as I have a little time before I pick my Grandson up from school. Have a great gamble free day everyone.

[lizbeth4]

Hi Carole, Thanks for your post. I understand the insomnia as I haven’t slept well for the past week. I am in the city till Saturday evening as we are celebrating my Grandson’s birthday then. I get into ruts were I could stay in my pj’s all day and I have at times. I try to keep busy even when I haven’t slept. My Daughter isn’t moving to my new town. The company she works for hired her full time at the salary she requested and she now has good health care insurance for herself. There aren’t too many jobs where I live. Either you work in the food industry or one of the stores in town. A few people have their own businesses. The town has a lot of elderly, retired people, but there are some young families. She couldn’t find a job there where she makes the money she does in the city. She is planning to buy a house in the city towards the end of the summer. The estimated population of my town consists of 8 smaller towns in our region plus ours. I am commuting until school is out the last of May. Next year his parents will put him in a afterschool program. This summer he will be spending some time with me but he will be going to karate camp and a sports camp during the summer months. My Daughter and her best friend since high school are going to Peru this summer for 2 weeks to do some hiking, ect… so he will be staying with me. We have a community pool and other things to keep us occupied and I told him that we might go on a road trip through the northern part of Arizona. I think that it is good that you are in charge when and if you see Danny. That way you are not living in limbo and you have control of the situation. Honestly, if I had to get a job it would be hard for me. I am not saying I wouldn’t get one but it would be a entry level job. I worked for the same company for 28 years but what I did isn’t something that I could go to another company and do. What I am trying to say is that even though you have good qualifications, it must still be hard to get back into the workforce. But I have no doubts that you will find a job that suits you. Take care of yourself.

[lizbeth4]

Thanks Carole and Cat for your posts. I totally agree with you Carole about the city. I feel so exhausted when I come back home from a trip there. The noise, traffic, rat-race, I am so done with that!!!! I cleaned, did laundry and worked a little in the backyard. I went to the library as they have a book store in there and were having a sell. I bought 3 gardening books and a novel for myself and spent a grand total of $3.00. I also went to a antique store and bought 4 bags of buttons as my Daughter, Grandson and I are doing a craft project for my home. We are painting a tree of life on a canvas and the leaves are going to be buttons that we glue on. My Daughter saw it on a craft website. I am going to hang it in my bedroom. My Daughter worked from home today and took cupcakes to my Grandson’s classroom to celebrate his 8th birthday. We are having his birthday bash on Saturday. She emailed me pictures and he has the biggest smile on his face. My Daughter will be 1 year sober next month. She is doing awesome. She goes to support groups and one on one counseling. She has come a long way and I am so proud of her and grateful that she is living a good life. Our relationship keeps getting better as both of us work at it. She is amazing!!! Life works in mysterious ways as it took my Husbands illness to open her eyes and go to rehab. It took his death to bring us closer. So good things do happen out of bad circumstances.

[lizbeth4]

Hi Carole, It is hard when you love someone but you know that the relationship is over. You have to do what is best for you even though it may be painful. We only have one life to live so we need to make the best of it. It is unseasonably warm here, 60 degrees. We haven’t had a lot of snow or rain which is bad since the town is surrounded by forest. I am glad the cash made it to the bank. You are doing well in your recovery despite the challenges you have faced in your personal life. Take care and take care of yourself.

[lizbeth4]

HI Carole, I am glad your Granddaughter has been staying with you. I am sure you love her company. You should move on with your life and do things that you want to do. Life is too short! I am in desperate need of a hair cut, medi and pedi, as I haven’t had time with the traveling back and forth to the city. Self-care, we have talked about that many times. I will find time this week to take care of myself. I am enjoying some alone time as I seem to never have any. Tomorrow, I am spending most of the day outside, pulling weeds, ect…. very therapeutic for me. Take care Carole. You deserve the best!!1

[lizbeth4]

Today was good. My Mother and I went for breakfast and I spent most of the day with her. I am at home, enjoying a grilled cheese and hot potato soup. I am in heaven!!! Tomorrow I am going to straighten the house and work in my backyard. Heading for the city on Wednesday and I won’t be home till Saturday night. It is dusk here and the sunset is awesome!!! Mostly pinks and purple in the sky. The geese were out on my street most of the day and I could hear a owl somewhere close to here. I am still having sleeping issues but I think I will take a sleeping pill tonight. I don’t take them often, but after a few days of little sleep, I need to do something. I think that my brain is on overload and I can’t shut it off when I try to sleep. My Daughter meditates and recommended for me to try it as it helps to relax you and she has been able to sleep better since doing it. I am up for anything natural as I don’t like relying on pills to sleep. Nothing else going on here. Take care everyone.

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