[lizbeth4]

Carole, I am so glad that you are at home and are alright. I was worried about you. I am in the city at my Daughter’s apartment. I have the dishwasher and washing machine going. LOL!! She is one busy lady and I don’t mind helping her out. My realtor came by my house earlier this morning for me to sign the inspection papers. We are just waiting for the appraisal to come in. Once that is done and it appraises for at least what I am selling in for (which I can’t imagine it won’t) the loan will be processed. We are supposed to close in 14 days. My realtor said it could even be a few days earlier. I put a call into my lawyer to send me some more of the paperwork from the court as the title company is asking for them at the closing. Everything is moving along (and fast). The guy (hauler) came by yesterday and gave me a estimate. His company is hauling all the tree branches and cleaning up my lot this afternoon. So, tomorrow evening I will come home to a nice clean yard!!! I saw my Mother yesterday and she is so distant from me. It’s all about her and her feelings. I am learning to tune a lot of it out. Yes, once I get it through my head that my Mother isn’t going to be the kind of Mother that I want her to be her words won’t hurt so bad. It is just going to take me some time to get there. I am a good Mother and Grandmother and would never treat my Daughters or Grandson the way she treats others. But she isn’t going to change. She doesn’t think she has a problem, everyone else does. She started comparing myself and my Sister yesterday when I saw her. I thwarted that conversation and talked about something else. I know why she was doing it. She was trying to get me get to me and hurt me because she knows how to push my buttons. I have to be very selective on what I tell her as she tells my Sister everything. I know this because someone who talks to both of us told me things that she has told my Sister. I don’t ask about my Sister’s life but my Mom tries to tell me. If my Sister wanted me know she would be talking to me. I wish her no ill will but we aren’t in each others lives because that is what she chose. Maybe someday but my Mom still stirs the pot causing a bigger rift between us. It is so sad!!!! Positives-My Grandson and Daughter are spending the weekend with me and we are going to work on our tree of life picture (canvas). I want to hang it in my bedroom when it is done. Maybe we will go to the new Lego movie too. Monday we are going to have my Mother over for lunch. She isn’t so bad around other people, so she knows what she is doing. I am picking my Grandson up late from school as on Thursdays he is in a afterschool program (zoology). He loves it!! Well, sorry for rambling. Take care everyone and have a great day!

[lizbeth4]

Hi Carole, Glad that you are back home. It helps to be in your own bed, ect… I am happy that you were able to help someone else in need. Your health is your wealth. A lot of us take it for granted until something happens to us. Take care of yourself as you have been through a lot. When my Grandson was born the doctor harvested his stem cells from his umbilical cord. The company that stores the stem cells came to the hospital and picked them up. Three years ago my Daughter offered them to someone whose child had a brain tumor. The child responded from chemo and surgery and they didn’t use the stem cells. She had them harvested in case her son or a family member may need them. It is truly amazing what medical procedures can be done to save one’s life. I am glad to hear that your Mother is home now. I am sure she is appreciative of all you did for her. Take care.

[lizbeth4]

Ican thanks for the post. Yes, even though my world is crazy, I am trying to deal with the issues in a positive, healthy way. I received a email late last night that my mother in law died. I felt for his sister as she learned of her brother’s and mother’s death on the same day. I hope my Husband’s mother is at peace now as she caused her children so much pain. Ican, I guess I put up with my Mom’s antics because I love her and she is my Mother. But she is unhealthy and I need to put up more boundaries and spend less time with her. My Daughter says I need to invest more time with myself, and she is right. I am going to stay close to home today as I have someone coming over to haul all the tree branches off. I am feeling a little drained.

[lizbeth4]

Today was truly trying. My sister in law left a message on my face book telling me that my mother in law is dying. She was trying to get hold of my Husband. My Husband had no contact with his family for years and they don’t know that he has died. He didn’t want me to contact them when he was ill or died. So, I didn’t. I thought about it and I emailed her back telling her that her brother had died. I felt bad for telling her when her Mother is dying but if she didn’t hear from him than she would be wondering what was going on. It kind of took my breath away and even though they need to know the truth, I don’t know if they deserve it. There was so much abuse (mental and physical) that my Husband endured as a child from his Mother. Both of his Sister’s have major issues and my Husband decided about 9 years ago to severe his ties to them. I know I did the right thing in telling her but it was a hard decision as they caused so much pain for my Husband. But I couldn’t live with myself not letting them know. I knew at some point I would have to make that decision. I did have positive news today. My realtor is coming by with paperwork for me to sign tomorrow. The inspection went well and the buyers aren’t asking for anything to be fixed. My Mom came by and is acting like nothing happened. I was busy so she didn’t stay long. I need to set up more boundaries with her. Welcome to my crazy world!!

[lizbeth4]

Thanks Charles and Cat for your posts. I like sharing my life and feelings here as I hope it helps others and it gives me time to reflect and learn from what is happening in my life and how I respond to it. Cat, my Mom rarely apologizes for anything she says or does. It is always someone else’s fault. Maybe that is why a lot of people in my family don’t talk to her. It always feels like a one-sided relationship and her anger and fury are scary at times. I look back at my childhood and my Mom would try to keep us in line by using guilt as her weapon. I think that is why I became such a people pleaser. I was always trying to keep her happy as she would have fits of rage and throw things and say terrible things to us. I was very shy as a child and she terrified me. She still uses these tactics to try to have control over others. She never learned or tried to communicate normally about anything. My Daughter called me earlier and we talked about the situation. She is very supportive and helped me process the incident. She is smart and has done a lot of work involving her feelings in her addiction classes. My Mom never forgets anything that she thinks was done wrong to her and she lets it fester. She lashes out and tries to make you feel as miserable as she does. My Daughter told me that I was doing the healthy thing in not feeding into her negativity and putting some space between us. She said if I woke up tomorrow and I felt I needed to stay away from her I should. My Mom will never call me, if I want to see her again, I will have to call or go see her. It really is a very toxic situation. I was totally drained today and I took a nap. Cat, being able to know that my Daughter is here for me is the positive of all of this madness. This is sad but when I hug my Mom she rarely puts her arms around me. I do the hugging and her arms are at her sides. I don’t want to become angry about this. My Mom really has no one to be there for her when she is sick, ect… My Mom is unable to be the kind of Mom that I would like her to be. I need to accept her for who she is. But I will not take her wrath.

[lizbeth4]

I am happy that the procedure is over Carole. I hope you get some rest and return to your own home soon. Take care.

[lizbeth4]

I reached out to my Daughter as I am in a lot of pain right now dealing with my Mom. She was so supportive and helpful. She told me that I needed to let it go and that I had made real strides in my personal growth. I need to recognize that the relationship that I want with my Mother isn’t going to happen. I need to accept her for what she is so she can’t hurt me so easily. My Daughter thinks that she is coming at me because she can’t deal with her own anxieties and she is trying to pull me into her negative world. It all makes sense. My Daughter said she is here to support me and that she is happy that I am seeing my Mom’s behavior for what it is, unhealthy. We are going to talk tonight when she gets off work. I am feeling better and trying to work through this.

[lizbeth4]

Today has been a test for me! My Mom lashed out at me and fiercely!!!! All this time, I felt like we were making progress and know I realize that I was the only one working on our relationship. I was in tears!!! I don’t know why I don’t just get it and accept it for what it is. I am not sure what it is as I have never had a relationship like this before. After hurling any hurtful comment she could think of towards me she laughed and said,” how do you like it”?? I have really been working on myself and I do have faults but I didn’t deserve her mean words. She is upset as her truck is having issues again. It seems if something happens to rock her perfect world that she freaks out!!! I told her that I would help her fix it and I tried to comfort her. I feel so alone right now!!! I would like to be close to my Mom but it’s not going to happen as I can’t do it alone. Sorry for ranting but I feel so sad right now. I am chasing something that is never going to be the way I want it. I have to face that. It is hard to do!!!

[lizbeth4]

I am busy at my new home. I had all of the trees trimmed this weekend. I have a peach tree which I was told by the neighbors had a lot of delicious peaches on it last summer. I can’t wait to taste them. I am going tomorrow to purchase security doors for the house as I have screen doors now. My handyman (next door) is going to put them on for me. My Cousin from California is coming for a week visit this June. I am planning a 3 day road trip for us. She has a few places in mind that she would like to see which are closer to where I live now. It will be fun. We reunited when I took my Mom to see her Sister last year. Tomorrow I am going to the gym and then to get my new doors. I have been feeling restless the last few days. I don’t know why. The best thing for me to do is to stay busy and out of trouble. Take care everyone.

[lizbeth4]

Thanks Cat for the update!!! Carole, I am glad that your Mother is doing well and that you will be finished with the transplant soon. I am sure that you are missing your home. Take care.

[lizbeth4]

I am home again!! This time for 5 days. Maybe I can get a few things accomplished. I helped my Daughter clean out 2 walk in closets and I took the donated stuff to a woman’s crisis center. My Daughter and my Grandson are going away for the weekend for some alone time. They are planning to fish and have some picnics and do some exploring. On the 21st of this month she was invited back to the drug recovery center that she was in for 2 weeks. She will get her 1 year medallion for being clean and sober. I am so proud of her. She asked me and her son to be there with her. She has come a long way!!! She already has offers to do some free lance work for different companies. This will help make up for the part time hours. She is so full of life now and just glows with happiness. She has become a great Mother and is so caring with her son. It is so good to see!!! I am glad to be home but it is cold here!! There was a light dusting of snow this morning but it has already melted. I haven’t heard anything about the inspection that the buyer’s of the condo scheduled. I am hoping maybe tomorrow I will find out the results. Nothing else going on.

[lizbeth4]

Hi P, It’s good to hear that you are feeling positive and hopeful. Journaling is great!! It helped me a lot when my Husband was ill and after his death. P, one day at a time. Take care.

[lizbeth4]

Okay, somehow I just wiped out my entire post. That’s how my day has been going. LOL!! I will start again. I am in the city. I had a rough start this morning. I am getting my tax stuff together and I haven’t received my Husband’s W2’s. I tried to get them through his employer’s online site. But because he is deceased I couldn’t access them. I had to call and the wait time was 25 mins. I waited and was told that I could write a letter requesting them and fax it. That’s what I did. The woman faxing them for me was very rude. Maybe she was having a bad day too. I made sure to tell her to have a good day when I was finished. I went by the condo when I got here to check the mail and condo and everything was fine. My Daughter text me that she was having a hard day. The letting go of half of the staff and the stress of not knowing if she will have a job in 60 days is a lot to deal with. I reassured her that I understood and that I am here for her. I pulled everything out of my Grandson’s walk in closet so she can purge and organize things for her move in July. She will probably not be able to buy a home then as she won’t qualify only working part time. But she can lease a small home for them. Maybe it isn’t the time for her to buy. I do believe that everything happens for a reason. Her boss kept her because he believes that she has the creativity to help turn the company around. He only kept the people who have been loyal and are hardworking. Life is like a roller coaster. You go through ups and downs and then everything evens off and goes back to normal. She will be alright! Have a great gamble free day everyone.

[lizbeth4]

Thanks P for the post. My Cousin was here for 3 days and we had a good time. We hadn’t seen each other for years but have kept in touch via the phone. I think we will be seeing more of each other in the future. It is cold here and I am in for the day as I did some grocery shopping earlier. I am doing laundry and packing for the city. My poor Daughter! She went to work today and 1/2 of her co-workers were laid off. (it is a small company) She was asked to go back to part time for awhile as the company is having money problems. They are letting her keep her health insurance. So, she is riding it out as there may not be a company in 60 days. The CEO has been paying part of the salaries out of his pocket to keep the company afloat. My Daughter is a loyal employee and likes her job. She agreed to stick it out. She is thankful to have a job! I am proud of her and happy that she is working her recovery. Something like this would have caused her to go and use drugs in the past but she is dealing with stressful situations in a more healthy way. She phone me and we talked about it and she knows she has my support. She has come such a long way!!! I am making dinner for my Mom tonight, salmon, fresh veggies and a twice baked potato. Yummy!!! P, sometimes the most simple things in life can be the most comforting. For me it is my hot tea.

[lizbeth4]

Hi Carole, I was thinking of you and tried to call you. I don’t have your current phone number. I have changed my number also. I will email you. I hope that everything is going well.

[Author]

Posts