[lizbeth4]

Hi P! I am glad that you have gotten through the urges and haven’t gambled. Hopefully you can get a good nights sleep soon. It is good that you are making changes. Your post is positive!!! Take care P!

[lizbeth4]

Hi Cat, I hope you are having a good day. I know that I always have to keep myself in reality with my gambling addiction. My triggers are boredom, stress and anxiety. Yesterday, I was surprised that I didn’t have any gambling urges with what my Mother said. I had stress but removed myself from the situation and went home to my own environment. (stress free) I take in one day at a time also. That’s all we can do! I know it would be a disaster is I started gambling again. I would be in that vicious cycle!! I think looking at the positives leads to healthy living. You are doing the right things!!! Have a great gamble free day!!

[lizbeth4]

Hi Carole, I was wondering how you are doing??? Post when you have the time. Have a great day!!!

[lizbeth4]

Hi Bettie!!! One good thing, if our Mothers were Sisters, than we would be Cousins!!!! I just can’t believe what comes out of her mouth and she thinks that it is alright. I think she has become very bitter and hangs on to anything that she thinks someone has done wrong to her. That can really eat you up!!! I love her and I am still glad that I moved to the same town as my Sister has to work for many more years and someone needs to be there as she is getting older. My Sister would never tolerate the things she says to me and my Mother knows that. She walks on eggshells with her so she will not stop talking to her again!! Sad!!!! I need to keep reading self help books and get better at setting up my boundaries with her. I did leave yesterday as I couldn’t take anymore. How can someone live like that??? None of her Grandkids have strong relationships with her anymore. Anyways, sorry to ramble on especially on your thread. I am glad that you know where I am coming from. Hope you have a awesome day!!

[lizbeth4]

Thanks Ican and Cat for your posts. Your thoughts are comforting. I made it through yesterday. I had a phone call from my Grandson and it was awesome. He told me that he was sad too but that we should think of the good memories and times we had with Papa!!! I am off to the city soon for 8 days. I am feeling better emotionally and physically. I finally had a good nights sleep. I had a dream that my Grandson, Husband and I were swimming in a beautiful blue pool. It look like we were at a resort. No one ever said anything. We just looked happy and were swimming. It was awesome and calming.

[lizbeth4]

Thanks Cat for your thoughtful post. I have made it through most of the day even though I had a rough start this morning. The tears kept coming and I just cried until I couldn’t anymore. I have been sick the last 3 days with a stomach virus and today I finally was feeling better physically. I took my Mother to lunch, which probably wasn’t a good idea since I was feeling so vulnerable and emotional. I told her I was having a hard day and why and she never said anything back to me. Like she didn’t give a shxx!!! Then she proceeded to go on about how my Sister is having such a rough time because she broke up with her boyfriend and her oldest son is in trouble again. I was crushed!!! I don’t know why I think that I am going to get something from my Mother that she can’t give to me!!! I then asked her if she still missed her Husband, my step-father, who has been dead almost 8 years. She said she was mad at him for not taking care of himself. Oh boy, I dropped her off after lunch and came home. Enough of that story!!! I have been reflecting on memories of my Husband. I feel like I have been blessed to have had him in my life and I know that he has watched over me from heaven. I think that he is happy for me and all of the changes that I have made. I will never forget him.

[lizbeth4]

Today is the 1 year anniversary of my Husband’s death. My Daughter called this morning to see if I was alright and to tell me that she was here for me. I am ok. I miss him. We were together for 30 years and he knew me better than anyone else. Even though we had our own issues (who doesn’t) he was my best friend and we talked about everything. I miss that. I miss the way he made me laugh. He was always the prankster and loved to play tricks on others. He will forever be in my heart. I have all the memories stored away. It was a honor to hold his hand while he took his final breaths. I know that he has help guide me along my new life path and is always with me. That is a comfort!!!

[lizbeth4]

I am staying in my PJS all day and doing nothing. I am watching TV and doing some reading. I realize it is ok to have a me day!!!!

[lizbeth4]

Welcome to GT!! There is a lot of support here. Please keep posting and reading threads. One day at a time!!

[lizbeth4]

Hi Bettie, I am glad that you are feeling better. Thanks for the post. Yes, addiction runs in my family. Gambling, drinking, and drug use. I feel fortunate to have escaped the last 2 addictions. My Mom doesn’t want to except being a cg. It is a big step to take. I know it was for me. She continues to stay stagnate and not want to change and grow. You know, sometimes bosses say the most stupid things. How would you be able to catch up and I am sure you were aware of that, he didn’t have to remind you!!!! I remember the sick leave discussions when I was working. It was ridiculous!!! You didn’t have much lee-way and were always getting written up. But if you came to work sick, everyone was upset as you were spreading your germs!!! Keep staying on top of your health. I know it sucks right now, but I think dealing with the pump will get better with time. Take care.

[lizbeth4]

Well, I had a nice lunch and a long walk with my Mother. She is never going to admit that she is a cg. In fact, my cousin is supposed to be coming here for a few days from the city, the one who was here last month. My Mom says they are going to the casino when she is here visiting. She has to be getting money off of her credit cards. Wow, I remember how I maxed out many credit cards and what a terrible mess I put myself and Husband in. My Mom is not going to admit that she is a cg. It took me a long time to admit that. But every time I have on something new or a new pair of shoes she comments on how I spend my money. I’d rather be able to buy myself something than to blow the money at the casino. She has been going on about my Sister since her last visit, last month. I am not ready to try to reconcile with her yet. I know that I will be the one to reach out as she never will. It will be 1 year in a few days since we have talked. I forgive her for the mean things she said and the disrespect that she showed after my Husband died but I won’t forget. Our relationship hadn’t been good for a long time. I hope one day to reach out to her and start a new relationship as life is too short!!! Hospice sent me a beautiful card today recognizing the almost 1 year mark of my Husband’s death. It was comforting. Sometimes, I feel like I am alone when I am at my new house as my Mom and my relationship is so superficial. I am overly tired today so maybe that is why I am feeling a little down. I am going to stay home tomorrow and clean and do laundry and putter around the house. Maybe I will go for a walk.

[lizbeth4]

Bettie, My Mother is a cg. When I was younger and living close to her with my family, she and I would go to bingo all the time. She is the one who introduced me to Las Vegas. She refuses to talk about being addicted to gambling because she doesn’t want to deal with it and find the underlying reasons why she is a addict. It’s a cop out! I am going to talk to her once more about the situation. I gave her the $200, but I am going to tell her that I won’t give her any more money to gamble with. I will help her out otherwise but not enable her. I spent part of the morning in the emergency room with her as the cotton tip of a QTIP was lodged in her ear canal. I couldn’t get it out with tweezers and I didn’t want to push it further down the canal. The doctor got it out and told her not to put a QTIP in her ear again.??? I don’t know???? Anyways, I slept horribly last night and we had made plans to have lunch together. So I made a salad and steamed some asparagus, she is supposed to bake some chicken. I think I am going to have a nap later. One of my friends just text me saying she was thinking of me as my Husband’s 1 year death anniversary is coming up on the 12th. It has been a hard year but some really amazing things have happened to me. It is a lot to reflect on. Take care everyone.

[lizbeth4]

I am back home now for 5 days. I left on good terms with my Daughter and she called me to make sure that I got home alright and told me how much she loved me!!! We are making progress even though we had some problems yesterday. Even though my Grandson was upset at the time, he saw that we work it out and were able to continue on!! Oh, when I came home today I stopped by my Mothers. She asked if she could borrow $200. Of course I said yes but wondered why she was broke as she just received her check on the 1st. She proceeded to tell me that she went to the casino yesterday and blew a lot of money. I was upset. She doesn’t want to believe she has as problem and when I have tried to talk to her about my gambling addiction she doesn’t want to hear about it as you don’t talk about problems like that. Well, I will give her the $200 this time. She could tell by my face and loss of words that I was troubled by the whole thing. I am not going to sucked into her gambling issues. Now, if she wanted help then I would help her with going to GA meetings, ect… I am not going to enable her from this point forward. Wow, this is mind boggling for me!!!

[lizbeth4]

Well, last night was a back slide for my oldest Daughter and I. We ended up in a heated disagreement and in front of my Grandson, which I totally feel like a AXX about!!! I wasn’t feeling well and she was tired, no excuse, but I could see it coming to that and I should have just left. I told her that I would go to a hotel and come back in the morning to take my Grandson to school and that’s when she and I started talking calmly and were able to agree to disagree. I apologized deeply to my Grandson who had become quiet upset by then. I told my Daughter that I could see old, bad habits surfacing again in the way we talk to each other and I didn’t want to go there again as it serves no purpose. Things were better this morning!!! I had my yearly mammogram this morning and a few errands that I had to take care of. I am so careful with my health since my heart attack and I make sure to get all of my yearly tests and physical done. I am relaxing now till I pick my Grandson up from school and then this evening, I will be going back home. Next Thursday when I come down I will be staying for 8 days as my Daughter and her friend are training in another town, 150 miles from here, mountain climbing and hiking for their Peru trip. The following week is my Grandsons spring break and then our Santa Fe trip. Most of that week will be spent with me except for his baseball game days. I am feeling much better today, just a little tired. I am hopeful that my Daughter and I will be able to move forward from here and learn that we need to be respectful of each other. It is hard coming into her house and she want’s me to help but I have to watch overstepping my boundaries as she feels like I am taking over. I need to find a good balance. I am trying.

[lizbeth4]

Thank you Cat for your kind post! I want to live a positive life. I took so much for granted till my Husband died. I watched him fight for his life. I wondered, does he have any regrets, things that he would change? We never talked much about it as he was a quiet man who kept a lot to himself. I know that he didn’t do everything he wanted to do. I decided that I will experience things, places, and do my best to stay positive. Cat, I haven’t joined a church yet. I did go to church one Sunday in my new town. I am not sure if it is for me but there are many to choose from. I need to keep trying. I would like to go to one that does things for the community. My Grandson didn’t make it through the day at school yesterday. I picked him up early as his tummy wasn’t feeling well. I was sick all day yesterday. I am feeling a little better today. I slept well last night. I think it is just a virus which has to run its course. I am supposed to have lunch with my youngest Daughter today. I need to do that as I don’t see her often. She isn’t making the best choices with her life right now. I call her often and see her when I am in the city but our relationship isn’t the best right now. She knows that I am here for her and will support her in anyway I can. It is a hard place to be. I can only hope and pray that she decides to get professional help. Well, I need to jump into the shower before everyone wakes up. Have a great day everyone!

[Author]

Posts