[lizbeth4]

Thanks Carole for your post! We are on vacation. We went to the Children’s Museum and the International Folklore Museum and went out for lunch. Our casita is quaint but modern. We are having a awesome time! Thanks Carole for your kind words. I feel like I have made a lot of progress since my Husband’s death and I shouldn’t feel bad for the things I have. I know logically that my Mother is never going to be able to give me what I crave for but sometimes my emotional self takes over and I keep letting her words and actions crush me!! I am working on this. The things I would like to say to her in response to her mean and negative statements I won’t say as I don’t want to hurt her. Isn’t that crazy? I care enough not to hurt her but she could care less. I totally agree that unhappy people want everyone around them to be unhappy also. I’m not going to let her pull me down. Maybe she should get a clue as none of her Grandchildren (except my oldest Daughter, when she is at my house) visit her. What a sad life she has made for herself.

[lizbeth4]

Hi Cat!!! I try to put my focus on now, today, also!!! I think it was easier for me to just get through it, one day at a time!! It took me along time to let the money I wasted go!! I dwelled on it and finally one day, I let it go and moved on. I think we all should be a work in progress. When we stop learning and growing, what is left?? You are not rambling. I get so much from your posts!! I think it is healthy to plan our futures. I have the” 10 Zen letting go” statements on my fridge. It has really helped me to not worry about things that I can’t change and has helped me let go of a lot of unnecessary stuff!!! Take care and keep up the great work!!!!!

[lizbeth4]

Hi P, I know it is a struggle and battle for you right now!! It is worth the fight and you deserve to live a gamble free life. It really does get easier and the urges lessen with time. Just keep visualizing how you want your life to be and how gambling doesn’t fit into the picture! Life is so much better not riding the crazy gambling train. I am here to support you. Post to me anytime!!

[lizbeth4]

Today went by so fast. My Grandson slept in as he stayed up late watching a movie. I finally straightened out the storage room so the chest freezer can fit in. I have a 1100pm to 300pm delivery time. It has been so windy here today. Looks like rain but so far none. Let’s see, I have straighten the house, done 2 loads of laundry and done a lot of playing with my Grandson!! My Daughter is coming up tonight after work and is working from here via internet tomorrow. Friday, we are off for 3 days!!! Road trip!!!

[lizbeth4]

Carole, I am happy to hear that Danny has his old job back. I hear you about the health insurance as that was a main concern for me when my Husband died. Have fun on your cabin retreat.

[lizbeth4]

Hi Reds, It’s good to see you post! Sorry to hear about your Father. Oh, stew sounds wonderful especially when it’s cold outside. Take care. Hopefully, your winter will stop soon.

[lizbeth4]

Hi Bettie! Happy belated birthday! I am glad that you had a good birthday and that you were pampered!!! It’s good that you are adjusting to having the pump. I have known a few people (from work) that have pumps and it takes awhile to be able to keep your numbers where they should be. That must be really hard to go through. Take care of yourself. I like your new attitude about work!! Things will work out for you!!

[lizbeth4]

Thanks Carole for your post! I know how I feel as a Mother and how I love my children unconditionally. I may not always agree with their choices but it is their lives to live and it doesn’t change my strong love for them. I would do anything for them and my Grandson. I do leave my Mom’s house when she is mean and out of control and I limit the time she is at my house. It is sad, but necessary for us to have some resemblance of a relationship. I agree that something is abnormal in my Mother being so unsupportive. She made comments recently on how I have my house paid off and that she still has a mortgage. My Mother owned a home outright when she lived in the city. She was about my age when she remarried and sold the house and moved to the town I live in now. She made the choice not to buy her new home with cash and have a mortgage. All the money from the sell of her home was blown in a few years. So, I don’t understand what that comment was about!! I am working on accepting this and I am still working on boundaries. Thanks, the border took me a little while as I had to shovel gravel, ect… Just another thing done that makes my home mine!! My Grandson and I ran a few errands this morning and have been busy all day!! We took a long walk this afternoon and we have played video games and played cars, ect… He loves pizza and that’s what we’ve eaten for 2 days, lunch and dinner. No pizza tomorrow!!! I am feeling much more peace in my life, (except for my Mom’s issues). I am learning to meditate and it does really help to relax and distress you. When I wake every morning, I first think of my Husband and I say hi to him. It may sound strange but that is helping me cope with being without him. Then I say a gratitude affirmation. I do have a lot to be grateful for. Thanks for listening. Sometimes I ramble on.

[lizbeth4]

Hi Carole! Thanks for your post. I am glad that you are not gambling. My Grandson and I are just spending time together, having fun!!!! Take care. I am glad that you posted!!!

[lizbeth4]

Hi Carole! Thanks for your post. I am glad that you are not gambling. My Grandson and I are just spending time together, having fun!!!! Take care. I am glad that you posted!!!

[lizbeth4]

Thanks Bettie and Cat for your posts and insights to this problem with my Mother. I love my Mother and I will be sad when she is gone. My Mother has always had control issues and she is just getting worse. It is sad as she is not enjoying her senior years just causing drama for the family. She has the means to take little trips and treat herself by getting her nails done but blows the money at the casino and then blames others: my Sister and Cousin because they want to go to the casino when they visit. I asked her to come with us on our upcoming trip but she refused. We are going to spread my step-fathers ashes in a couple of weeks. She has had them for 8 years. We are going to drive further north to a great hiking and camping place that is beautiful to spread his ashes. I even tried to get her involved in my new home. She came over twice but she tried to take full control and was putting things where she wanted them and telling me what she thought I should do and made faces when I told her my plans for the paint colors for inside or the yard plans. She makes fun of me for getting medi/pedi as she thinks they are a waste of money. For my birthday last year she bought me a pedicure set. I know I am not going to change her but I wish she would try to enjoy herself and lay off on being so mean. I am watching cartoons with my Grandson. I have plans today of straightening the storage room to make room for the chest freezer and moving some gravel in the front yard so I can put up the rest of my red brick border. Sorry to go on about my Mother. I need to let it go. Thanks for being here for me!!!

[lizbeth4]

Thanks I can for your post. It helped me a lot in putting things into perspective. I realize that my Mother is jealous of me. I didn’t want to believe it, but it is true. I don’t share a lot of the good things in my life with her as she never reacts or shows emotions. It is like she doesn’t care or is incapable of caring. I agree, my kids (adults) and my Grandson are my everything. We are able to share all of our emotions with each other. I love them unconditionally and I want them to be happy. I can you are right, it is my Mother’s issue not mine. I am realizing that also. I was ruled with guilt as a child and looking back my Mother has always been like this. My oldest Daughter says that she thinks that I have changed and grown so much that I am able to see how my Mother really is and that my Mother doesn’t like it. You are right, I shouldn’t feel guilt about the good stuff!!!! My Grandson and Daughter came home from camping a little early so we just came back to my house instead of me spending the night. We are going to hang out together the next 4 days (spring break) and then we are off on our little road trip. I am so thankful for everyone here as you all seem like family to me and the support and advice I receive is truly a gift. Take care.

[lizbeth4]

Hi I can, Thank you for your post. While reading it, I thought about how much our Mother’s are alike. She was supportive when my Husband was ill but after he died, it was like she resented me. I didn’t want to think that she was jealous of me, but I think she is!!! She is never happy for me. So, I don’t tell her much about my plans, trips, or my life as I feel let down every time I do. Yes, our relationship has changed!!! I agree with you in that I share my feelings and happy thoughts with people who really care, my Daughters and Grandson. It is sad but that’s the way it is. Thanks again for the post as it helps knowing that someone else is experiencing what I am. Sometimes it is hard for me to wrap my head around it as I love my kids unconditionally and all I want for them is to be happy. I won’t let someone take my happiness away from me. Thanks again. Take care.

[lizbeth4]

Thanks P for your post. I hope you are feeling better today! I am leaving this afternoon for the city. I will only be there for the night and then my Grandson and I will come back to my place. I had a busy day yesterday. I spent about 3 hours at Home Depot buying plant feed, outside tools, and I bought a new gas grill and a chest freezer which will be delivered on Thursday. I came home and unloaded everything and then did some grocery shopping for my Grandson and I. Oh, I bought the cutest bird house/feeder. I am going to let my Grandson fill it with bird feed and then we will hang in together in the backyard. My Mother asked me the strangest question yesterday. How does it feel to be able to buy whatever you want? I am not rich by any means and I can’t buy anything I want. I told her that in the beginning I felt guilty as the money came from benefits stemming from my Husbands death. Now, I feel like it’s alright to buy things as I know that he wanted me to not have to worry financially and he would want me to be happy! I don’t spend foolishly but I do have the luxury of being able to take trips and to live comfortably not lavishly. I am not a materialist person. Her comment was rude and I felt myself trying to defend my actions. I would give everything back if my Husband was still alive!!!! He worried about how I would be after his death and voiced this to both of our Daughters. It was just very uncomfortable!! I have bought her things and done special things for her because she is on a fixed income. I just was taken aback. Anyways, I am doing some laundry and cleaning up a little before I leave. Sometimes I feel very alone. I think that things are going good and getting better with my Mother and she says mean things. I told her that I was feeling like at some point this year that I am going to reach out to my Sister. She told me it wasn’t time as my Sister didn’t want anything to do right now with my Daughter and myself and not to think that I am getting a apology. I know my Sister isn’t going to apologize and I wasn’t expecting one. I also know that my Sister and I haven’t had a healthy relationship in years and that I would have to put aside a lot of baggage and try to have some type of relationship with her. My motto is, life is short. I don’t want to have to communicate with her when it is because of a tragedy, example, death of another family member. So, I need to think about my Sister and for now I will not make any contact. I need to think things over and decide what is the best for me to do. It’s sad!!! Well, sorry about the rambling. Good thing is that I haven’t gambled. I worked out Friday and walked on the treadmill for 30 mins. I could feel the burn!!!! Have a great day everyone.

[lizbeth4]

Hi Cat! I know that if I hadn’t came to GT and didn’t have all the support from all of you here, I would still be gambling. It takes a lot for anyone to come back here after gambling slips. I know that I have after slips and everyone was here to support me. Cat, I changed a lot about the way I look at things since my Husbands death. That is a positive thing that came from his death. I know you are not a quitter!! You have always said a lot of positive things to me when I was feeling low. Don’t forget how you are there for others. I think that is one of the most endearing qualities about you. You are a caring person. All we can do is keep working on ourselves. I know that I have a lot to work on and I am trying. Sometimes it seems like we are not getting anywhere. Changing ourselves takes time. Take care and do something nice just for yourself.

[Author]

Posts