[lizbeth4]

Carole thanks for posting on my thread especially with what you are going through now. Are you upset and experiencing anxiety at the thought of going back to the country? Just try not to gamble and get some control over your thoughts. It is not a easy place where you are at now. Could you try to get to that meeting tonight? Can I do anything to help you? I am here for you.

[lizbeth4]

Thanks Carole for your post. Words said in anger can’t be taken back and do a lot of damage. I have apologized but the damage on my end has been done. I am giving my daughter space. It was time though that my Grandson s parents came together with a plan for his care after school I was getting tired going back and forth and told both of them that but they did nothing tell now. I know my Grandson knows that I love him. I don’t know if I expect more emotionally than others can give or if I am dealing with others that are unable to give emotionally. I have been very lonely the last few days. I worked out this morning and bought some solar lights for my yard. I had lunch with my mom. She has tried to be reassuring that my daughter and I will work things out. I know there is more for me to learn and do. I just need to figure it out.

[lizbeth4]

Cat , thanks so much for your post. I woke this morningh and had myself a good cry (a little pity party). I a still trying to find my way without my husband. Sometimes, I feel all alone. My family isn’t and hasn’t been close for some time. I have a few friends in the city but I have never been one who has had a lot of friends. I am questioning what my purpose is on this earth. Cat, I said some inappropriate things in response to my daughter’s outburst. I have apologized to her but only received how I caused her addiction problems and was a terrible mother to her. I know that things are said in the heat of the moment but these are things that she has said before . Looking back. I was trying to buy her love because I don’t know how to get her to love me. Real sad when you think about it. Anything I said about my Grandsons weight was out of concern. I thought a long time before I approached her and she seemed to be on board. I feel a lot of animosity from her. I am sure she is unhappy about the past and my closeness with her son. I cared for him when she was unable to. I want to go to her and just hug her and try to start over but she has made it clear for me to not contact her. I will keep my distance and see what happens. I will call at some point to talk to my Grandson. I am going to the gym this morning. Today will be a good day for pulling weeds as we had a light rain last night. No thoughts of gambling

[lizbeth4]

Carole, I totally agree with your post. I was the ATM for my Daughter. I made that choice (a bad one). The relationship was shifting about 1 month ago when I had a talk with her about my money and how I was going to start saving so much of my monthly income as it will be 7 years before I can get social security. This trips were already planned and paid for. I hadn’t slept well the night before so I stayed in my PJS all day and watched TV and dozed. It is cold and windy here today. It is time for me to step into the Grandmother role instead of the parent role with my Grandson. My brain tell me it is the right thing to do but my heart is still hurting!!! I have always had this nagging, worry feeling about him. I will deal with it. Tomorrow, I will go back to the gym. If it is nice outside, I will work on my yard. I keep saying it is time for me to branch out and meet people. I am going to make the move this Sunday-church. I have had no gambling urges today.

[lizbeth4]

Vera, thank you so much for your post I have a lot to think about. I had a restless night. This is a ploy that my daughter has used before. But it doesn’t hurt any less. At some point my Grandson will want to see me and she will give in. I thought that we were moving forward in our relationship, but obviously she wasn’t. I was being used. Well the money train stops. I can accept that our relationship is what it is and try to get along with her for my Grandsons sake. I have no urges to gamble today. I am just feeling sadness.

[lizbeth4]

I can’t sleep. I keep wishing my husband was here to comfort me and tell me that everything is going to be all right. He and I were always on the same page when it came to our grandson

[lizbeth4]

Well, everything came to a head this evening. My Daughter started texting me about how I was the cause of her drug addiction problem because I have always been verbally abusive to her. This never happened!!! She is so mad because I told her that I wasn’t funding anymore trips for her because of her behavior. She has a sense of entitlement. I text her and my Grandson’s Dad to tell them both that it was time for them to put him into a afterschool program on Thursdays and Fridays. This going back and forth is hard. I am tired!! She told me fine and I would see him on her terms. Okay!!! I am sad but I am ready to let go and maybe I am deterring them from parenting responsibly as I am always available. I feel like maybe it’s time to be a little selfish and do some things for myself. Her words were very painful but she is back into her old behavior pattern. Everything is going to be okay. I hope my Grandson won’t think that I am abandoning him!! That is my main worry!!!

[lizbeth4]

THANK YOU ALL FOR YOUR SUPPORTIVE POSTS AND ADVICE! I started my day with good intentions. I went and worked out this morning and then went directly to the casino. After blowing $300, I stopped myself and left before I did further damage. I am kicking myself in the butt!! I am here telling all and asking for your support again. I have to learn from this and move on. The situation between my Daughter and myself is worse. I asked her to have my Grandson’s Dad pick him up from school on Thursday and Friday. I need time and space away from her. I am so upset and angry with her and myself right now. I didn’t tell the whole story. My Grandson has put on a lot of weight since the death of his Papa. He is overweight and I am concerned about his health. I talked to my Daughter about it as he is very aware of it. He plays baseball and we talked about getting him outside more to play and to make healthier food choices for him. She is doing nothing to help as the nights he doesn’t have baseball, he is playing video games and physically inactive. When I am with him at his house or mine, we take walks and go to the playground after school. He eats healthy snack such as fruits. I am so pissed and annoyed with both of his parents. His Dad is overweight also and they go out to eat all the time when he is at his Dad’s house. Heart disease runs on both sides of the families. I bought him a bike for Xmas. He is learning to ride it without training wheels but hasn’t gotten the hang of it yet. He is real concerned and sad that his parents don’t have the time to spend with him, helping him learn to ride. He keeps voicing this to my Daughter but she blows him off. We had a real heated argument about all of this today!!! Carole, I did pay for the whole vacation. I wanted us to all have a good time. She took advantage of that situation also. I let her take advantage as I didn’t want to fight in front of my Grandson. That was my mistake!!!! My Grandson is staying with his Dad the spa weekend. I am ready to go by myself and eat the other plane ticket. I know the routine. She won’t talk to me till next week when she wants me to come and take care of him. Also, she has some trips planned with her friends in the coming months and needs someone to watch him. It is the same vicious cycle and I don’t know if I can do this anymore!!!

[lizbeth4]

Thanks Cat for starting the April-YOU CAN DO IT!! I am starting the month with huge urges stemming from personal problems. I have to remember that gambling isn’t going to solve my problems. I need to solve my problems. I have faith in myself!!!

[lizbeth4]

Hi Carole, Yes, we can only change our own life’s. I had huge urges today but have managed not to gamble. I am walking a fine line and know that once I make the decision to gamble it is going to be a disaster. I am glad you came right back and posted and are moving forward. It truly helps to post here and to feel accountability. I have been rather complacent myself as I haven’t been going to meetings lately. I need to work on that. This addiction is evil!!

[lizbeth4]

I am home!!! I have to be totally honest, while the trip was fun, it was a eye opener in the way my Daughter interacts with her son. OMG!! I felt like gambling when I got home!!! I didn’t as I knew it would be a cop out for not dealing with my issues. Some history: my Grandson was raised for the first 3-4 years by my Husband and I and has spent at least 1/2 of his last 4 years with us. I am in a real hard spot as I really have a close bond with him and my Daughter still has issues with that. Maybe because she missed a lot of the first’s in his life. I don’t know. Maybe she is trying to make up for the time she lost. She never makes him mind. He took control of the vacation until I said enough. Then she was mad at me. She coddles him and condones his bad behavior. He won’t listen to anything she says and he has no accountability. When I say anything, she defends him. The rest of the time she was inattentive to him when we were at the casita. I am treated like the babysitter. He doesn’t pull that stuff with me. It came to a head when we got to my house and she said mean things to me in front of my Grandson and put him in the middle of it all. Who does that? I was upset and felt totally crushed as we are backsliding again. She left in a huff and told him, look how your Grandmother acts!!! I feel totally manipulated by her. But the love for my Grandson is so deep that I have to sit on this and think about it before I say or do anything. I am feeling so many emotions right now. Maybe I am not communicating the right way as I feel like she doesn’t listen to what I say and takes everything defensively. It is just not good between us right now and we have a spa weekend next month (non refundable). Yeeks!! I received a email from my lawyer that he is preparing a closing statement for the probate judge. That is good as it will close the estate. That will be over.

[lizbeth4]

Yesterday was fun. We went to a artisan market and bought some awesome souvenirs. We took my Grandson to the local park to run around. We went hiking and had a picnic and went out for dinner later in the evening. Everyone is still sleeping. I am going to shower and pack up the remaining things so we can take off soon. I am ready to go back home. No place like home.
V

[lizbeth4]

Hi Carole, Your cabin trip sounds awesome. It helps just getting away for a few days. We are going hiking and on a picnic today. Boy, the time flies fast when your having fun and relaxing. Take care.

[lizbeth4]

HI Bettie, I hope your headache is gone! Sorry to hear that your new medical benefits are terrible. I have to reach a $1500 deductible also before the plan starts paying. It will pay for preventive care. I do have a yearly $1250 fund that it pulls from and once that is gone, I have to meet a deductible. After my Husband passed away, I had to pay 20% of some of the hospital costs and procedures. It was absurd!!! Our health care here in the USA stinks. I am fortunate that I am in good health and I haven’t had any further heart issues. If you have time to look into it, I found companies who gave vouches out towards my heart meds, maybe you can find some for your insulin pump supplies. I received 2 months free coupon and some 50% coupons. Just start researching on the internet. I am sorry that you have to worry about this. Take care.

[lizbeth4]

Well, my Grandson and I just had breakfast (oatmeal). Mom is still sleeping. Our casita is a 1 bedroom apartment with a full kitchen, which comes in handy while traveling with a child. I could have spent all of yesterday in the museums but it wasn’t feasible with a child. We went out for ice cream sundaes last night. Today our plans are to pack a picnic and do some hiking. Then we are going shopping for a few things to take home with us. It’s been a relaxing trip!!!

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