[lizbeth4]

Thank you Monique and Cat for your posts. I haven’t heard anything from my youngest daughter. I am going home tomorrow and taking my grandson home with me. Tomorrow his is last day of school, half day. I have a relative and a friend of my daughter here in the city looking for her. We have put out feelers with anyone who knows her. I am so worried!! I know this addiction doesn’t have happy endings. She has been living a dangerous life. I wish she would re-surface so I could hear her voice again. I am praying!! My other daughter is feeling a little better and the swelling in her foot and leg is lessening. I think that she needs to rest this long holiday weekend. I slept with my grandson on his bunk bed last night, his request. He asked me to take him home with me tomorrow. That was the bright note in my life right now. Oh, my heart is racing, where could she be???

[lizbeth4]

Well, this visit isn’t going as planned. I am asking my friends here to keep my family in their thoughts and prayers today. I know this is a forum dedicated to gambling and recovery but I feel like I have many friends here and I would cherish your prayers at this time. My youngest adult daughter is missing. She decided to go down a wrong path in her life (addiction) and isn’t ready to receive help. I and another family member have constant contact with her and for the last 5 days nothing. We have gone to her friend’s homes looking for her. We went to the last place she lived and no one knows where she is at. I know she isn’t in jail or a hospital as I have called everyone. This is so out of character for her. The police don’t seem concerned as she is basically another addict and a adult who doesn’t want to be found. I am scared and at my wits end. My oldest daughter had a biking accident, 1 week ago and went to the urgent care and was released. Yesterday I took her to the emergency room as her leg and foot were swollen 4 times their size. She has many deep lacerations on that leg from her fall. Nothing is broken and there is no infection present. The doctor said the swelling and fluid build up are from the trama to her leg. It is wrapped up and I am icing her leg and foot. I won’t be going home for a few days and when I do, I will take my Grandson home with me as school is out tomorrow. I couldn’t sleep last night worrying about my daughters fate. I am so scared!!!

[lizbeth4]

Advisor

[lizbeth4]

Well , I am at the car dealers. It will take 2 hours to get the scheduled maintenance done. My service Davidson’s voice was raspy so I asked him if he wasn’t feeling well. He has throat cancer and is doing chemotherapy. I had to try and compose myself. In fact I went outside later and cried. Although I have only known him a year and don’t know him well, he is a nice man. So sad.

[lizbeth4]

My mental funk is lifting. I worked out this morning and I am feeling better mentally. I noticed that I have lost a few inches as my clothes are fitting better. I was thinking of my husband today when I was purchasing some men’s tee-shirts. I prefer to work out in them as they are roomer and longer to cover my butt as I wear workout shorts. They had a pocket and that was how my husband liked his tee-shirts. The memories of him come out of nowhere. I really have been missing him lately. I think this is normal and I am just working through the feelings, whether they be happy or sad. That’s all I can do. I am off for the city tomorrow as I have a few appointments to take care of. I will be glad to see my daughters and grandson. School is almost out and my grandson will be spending more time with me. The summer day camps here are costly. He will be going half the month to camp and the other half he will stay with me. I am planning some day trips for us so he doesn’t get bored and we can see some cool things together!!!!

[lizbeth4]

Carole, I am sorry that you gambled. It is good that you cut up your debit card!!! I kind of understand where you are coming from when you say that gambling is a reward for you. Living now in a small town, there isn’t much to do. The casino is the big draw here. We need to keep busy and find hobbies to do. The weekend with your granddaughter’s sounded fun!!! Oh, I love smores!!! Take care.

[lizbeth4]

Hi P! I understand your despair and feeling low!!! Don’t give up on yourself!! I don’t know why we continue to sabotage ourselves. Why do we think that we can gamble? That is just part of this illness/addiction. You are not worthless and useless. P, you are appreciated and loved. You are just in a bad place right now. You will work through it!! I know it is hard and tough but you can do it. Keep posting!!! I will be thinking and praying for you to have strength to get through this. Take care.

[lizbeth4]

I am still in a mental funk today. I am feeling blue. I visited with my Mother for a few hours and I am had home now. I have no desire to do anything. I tried to go online to a widows site that I joined after my husband’s death and it was too much for me. I think I am depressed. My life is so different now! I had a thought of gambling today but the urges aren’t strong. I won’t gamble. I will be alright. I think it is just something that I have to go through. I am missing my Daughter and Grandson although they were here last weekend and my Grandson and I talked on the phone 2 days ago. I will be glad to see them on Tuesday. I have so much to do here, inside and outside but I have no desire to do anything. I think I will find a movie to watch. I am just real blue today. It will get better!!1

[lizbeth4]

ican, I am so happy that you had a good weekend. You deserve it!! Wow, I can’t even think about a indoor fire. I have had my ceiling fans going but I haven’t turned on the air conditioner yet!!! I think that I will watch a movie and relax too!

[lizbeth4]

I slept in this morning. I am still not sleeping well, but it is improving. I worked yesterday evening in the yard and pulled weeds and watered. There is still much to do. I washed all the windows on one side of the house. I need to take the screens off and wash them also. I have no plans today but to drop by my Mom’s house and see how she is doing. She has good days and bad days. While she is very active physically, her memory and sometimes mental state seems to not be so good. I am still trying to figure out if it is old age or something more. I guess time will tell. I am still trying to keep my life separate from hers as much as I can and I make time for myself. I can’t get drawn back into the her world as it is not healthy for me. When I feel like she is trying to control me, I keep my distance. I know that I can only allow her to continue to behave the way she does with me. I am dreading the time when she can no longer care for herself. I don’t want to sound selfish but honestly I don’t know if I could care for her on a permanent basis. This has been in my mind a lot because of what Carol is going through concerning her Mother. A lot to think about!

[lizbeth4]

Hi! I don’t know where my posts are from the beginning of coming to GT. It does look like some are missing. I posted on my thread the other day and the next day it wasn’t there. Thanks for posting on my thread. One day at a time.

[lizbeth4]

Thanks Vera for your post. I probably would never go fishing with the computer guy, but it was nice for him to ask. It would only be as friends as I have no interest in men right now. I don’t know if I ever will. I don’t feel like it is the wrong thing to do but I still have so much of my husband with me that I can’t go there yet!! Maybe someday I will find someone to spend the rest of my life with. If it is supposed to happen it will. I am alright with being alone. Today I made tacos for my Mother and I. I am going to do some watering this evening and start cleaning the windows (outside). I am still feeling a little bored and edgy but I am not having gambling urges. I have plenty to keep me busy. I have 3 books downloaded on my kindle. Tomorrow I want to get up early and pull some more weeds in the backyard. I was feeling lazy earlier today and didn’t get to it. I hope that everyone is having a great weekend.

[lizbeth4]

Thanks ican for your post. I think that I posted on my thread yesterday but I don’t know where the post is. Very strange!!!! I did some errands today and some yard work. Nothing that exciting. I am still trying to adjust to my new glasses. I was told that it would take a couple of weeks. I have appointments in the city next week to have the 15,000 mile check up on my car and to sign the papers for the lawyer. I will spend the night with my Daughter and Grandson. My ex-son-in-law graduated last night and now is a licensed electrician. He worked hard to get his degree and I am so proud of him. I have no plans this weekend. I am staying home and doing yard work. The annual rodeo is in town this weekend and it becomes a mad house in this town. I have my computer back but the computer guy is coming back next week as there are a few things that he needs to fix. It is running a lot better!!! I did find a fishing buddy (computer guy). He has lived here for 15 years and I am sure he knows all the fishing spots. I may take him up on the offer!!! I have felt a little edgy today. I don’t feel like gambling but I feel bored and not content. I will get out of this mood.

[lizbeth4]

Thanks ican for your post. I think that I posted on my thread yesterday but I don’t know where the post is. Very strange!!!! I did some errands today and some yard work. Nothing that exciting. I am still trying to adjust to my new glasses. I was told that it would take a couple of weeks. I have appointments in the city next week to have the 15,000 mile check up on my car and to sign the papers for the lawyer. I will spend the night with my Daughter and Grandson. My ex-son-in-law graduated last night and now is a licensed electrician. He worked hard to get his degree and I am so proud of him. I have no plans this weekend. I am staying home and doing yard work. The annual rodeo is in town this weekend and it becomes a mad house in this town. I have my computer back but the computer guy is coming back next week as there are a few things that he needs to fix. It is running a lot better!!! I did find a fishing buddy (computer guy). He has lived here for 15 years and I am sure he knows all the fishing spots. I may take him up on the offer!!! I have felt a little edgy today. I don’t feel like gambling but I feel bored and not content. I will get out of this mood.

[lizbeth4]

Thank you for your post. I feel the same way as you stated on my thread. There have been times that I haven’t posted something good as I didn’t want to seem insensitive when someone else is having a hard time. But you are right. We are to support each other in good and bad times. When I am having a bad day it lifts my spirits when I read something happy that someone has posted. Have a great day

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