[lizbeth4]

Thanks Cat for the post. My Mom is a strange one. There is no deep ties between us. She checked out a long time ago. Our relationship is very superfical. I was asked by a friend, whom is a very wise person, if I loved my Mom. Of course I said. Then she asked if I could accept her for who she is? That is what I have been working on. Today for example, when she talked about the casino, I would have been very hurt in the past by her throwing that in my face. I wasn’t even mad about it. She just put the gambling bug in me. I didn’t gamble and I was able to get the urges out of my head. I watered and pulled weeds in my back yard!!!! I think that counseling has helped me deal with our relationship also. There might come a time when I seek help again. It is good for me also to be able to talk to someone and let it all out!!! I am looking forward to having my Grandson for part of the summer and he does make me feel happy. But I am looking forward to having some time for my own interests and I have a lot of things that I want to do around here. I am learning that it’s alright for me to make me happy and putting myself first sometimes. I am getting there!!

[lizbeth4]

Hi Cat, Thanks for your post. I don’t know why my Mom likes to mention going to the casino to me. It is very hurtful and really gets to me. Maybe that is why she does it!! I love my Mom but our relationship is very superfical and I would never confide to her about any issues I have. I have done that in the past and either she stares at me blankly or throws it in my face. At least I can now recognize this and I don’t go there with her anymore. I think it was Carole that told me that I might never get what I need emotionally from my Mom. I am trying to accept my Mom for who she is. Sorry to take up so much space in your thread. Anyways, I didn’t gamble and I pushed the urges out of my mind. Take care.

[lizbeth4]

I asked my Mother to come down today and watch my Grandson so I could go to the grocery store. She acts so child-like sometimes. I haven’t been able to spend my usual time with her as I have been sick and I am taking care of my Grandson who is sick. She wasn’t alone this weekend as my Sister came for a visit. I made sure to spend some time with her after I came back from the store. I had taken my car to the city for service last week and she asked me if I was taking it down this week. It seems like I am correcting her on what’s going on as she can’t remember what happened 2 days ago. Anyways, I am feeling a little better and so is my Grandson. Although he isn’t well enough to go to karate camp all day and he is still coughing and I don’t want anyone else to get infected. We are starting to get a little stir crazy being inside all day. I am going to do some watering this evening and he can come outside with me. I think I was getting a little grouchy today as I have played video games and watched cartoons for days now. This is the first time I have been able to get on the computer. Hopefully by the end of this week he will be 100 percent better. My Mom was telling me about she and my Sister going to the casino for breakfast and playing the machines this last weekend. I had a slight craving after she left but quickly squashed it in my mind. I couldn’t go anyways but I could keep playing it in my head and I don’t want to go there.

[lizbeth4]

Ican, You came right back and acknowledged that you gambled. I think that it shows strength and fortitude. Forgive yourself and move on. Maybe you could think about what triggered you to gamble. I know that has helped me in the past when I had gambling slips. Stay strong!!!

[lizbeth4]

My Grandson is feeling about the same. He is only keeping down popcycles and fluids. This stomach virus could take another week to play out. My Daughter has to go back to the city today as she has work tomorrow. It’s okay as he can stay here with me and get better. I am feeling a lot better, just dealing with a headache and sore throat. He will miss his championship baseball playoffs tomorrow but there is no way he could play. I was thinking of my Husband today and it being Memorial Day as he was in the army and fought in a war. He looked real handsome in his uniform. The home next door has a sale pending. I hope I get nice neighbors. I am going to put a 6 foot fence around my backyard. I know have a 4 foot fence and it needs to be replaced. I am waiting for the new people to move in as I have to have the 3 people (sides) sharing the fence with me sign a paper agreeing that I can do this. One of the HOA rules. No problem that I can for see. Well, have a great gamble free day everyone.

[lizbeth4]

Hi Carole, I knew you would be busy with keeping up with the renters and your property. I am glad you adopted the 2 dogs. They couldn’t have a better home. I’m also glad that your Mom will be somewhere that she will be watched, especially with her falling. Take care. I miss you.

[lizbeth4]

HI everyone!! I hope that everyone is having a great gamble free weekend. My Daughter came up last night and we took my Grandson to urgent care as his ear was hurting and he wasn’t feeling any better. The wait was 1 1/2 hours and they asked us to take him to the emergency room instead. We didn’t have to wait there and the diagnosis was that he has a virus and ear infection. They took a chest and stomach x-ray and everything was okay. We did find out that his appendix is turned the opposite way than normal. They said not to be concerned as he was born with it that way. Just to be aware as if he had any problems with it he would have lower back pain instead of side pain and that it could be mistaken for a kidney problem. Very interesting. He is still resting this morning and not feeling hungry. I am making sure that he is drinking a lot of fluids so he is hydrated. I am feeling much better!!! We had a little rain yesterday and there is a chance today. We need it as we have 7 wildfires in our state. The one nearest me was contained. Most of these were caused by humans having illegal camp fires. There has been a alert that no fire are allowed as everything is so dry. But some people obviously don’t care!! One fire has burned over 17,000 acres of beautiful forest. So sad!! I have no plans today. Just staying home and taking it easy. Have a great day everyone.

[lizbeth4]

Kathryn, I was glad to see your post. It is good that life is going well. I love your plans for your lifetime trip. I would love to go to France. I am still working on that!!! You have a lot going on with the kids and upcoming wedding. Take care!!! Yes, there is always hope!!! I am happy that you are gamble free. I think it will always be a struggle sometimes but we keep up the fight.

[lizbeth4]

Cat, we all have to live our lives the way we see fit. I hope I didn’t come off as preachy to you as that wasn’t my intent. I wanted to share something with you. I left my Husband because of his drinking and we divorced. We were apart for 5 years. We had contact through work and were friendly to each other. During that time I fell in love with someone and we were going to marry. I called off the wedding and we broke up. I still was in love with my Husband. We got back together and remarried. He was still drinking. None of that changed. So, who was the sick one?? I went right back into the same mess. My Husband refused to go to AA. I was just saying that Al Anon helped me cope with his drinking. I am glad now that I did go back as I am afraid that they would have been no one to care for my Husband during his final days. And for that I am grateful that I was there for him. Life is strange. I try not to think about how different my life would have been if I had remarried. I believe things happen for a reason. It is obvious that you love your Husband. It sounds like you have been real busy going through stuff in the basement. A big undertaking with the remodel. All we can do Cat is work on ourselves. I know that I am a work in progress and that I still have a lot to learn. Have a great day!!!

[lizbeth4]

Cat, Thanks for your post. I did sleep better but I always have that constant fear in the back of my mind that something will happen to her. I know that she has to want to change her life but the longer she is in this madness, I fear that she will never want to change. It is something that I have to learn to deal with. All I can do is tell her how much I love her and how much she means to me. This weekend isn’t going as planned. My grandson and I are sick. A virus was going through his class and I think we have it. Basically we have been just resting. I am making sure that we are drinking plenty of fluids so we don’t get dehydrated. My sister is coming up to see my Mom on Sunday and Monday. We were supposed to get together but that will have to wait. Oh, my grandson thanked me last night for taking good care of him!!! How sweet is that!! Those little things are what makes my life!!

[lizbeth4]

Hi Cat! First, I would like to tell you how important your posts are to me. Especially these last few days concerning my daughter. I found comfort in them and when I was down, I would reread all of the posts. They helped me get through. Cat, you know that my husband was a functioning alcoholic. He held down a job and would help do things around the home. He was very anti social. He had work friends and family. I couldn’t get him to take up a hobby especially as the years went by. In the beginning of our marriage, we fished a lot with the kids and enjoyed the out doors, but when the kids grew up, he stopped doing that also. I would have to say that Al Anon was a good for me. I attended many meetings and it helped me understand my role in his drinking. I never bought him his beer. I rarely drink. I had 2 foo foo drinks when my oldest Daughter and I went on our spa trip. That was the first time I drank in 5 years. It is strange but growing up around a lot of addiction, I made the promise to myself not to be a alcoholic and drug user but I couldn’t escape a gambling addiction. I think that I gambled a lot to escape my husband’s drinking issues and our home life. It did numb me. Maybe think about Al Anon. You could try a few meetings and see how it goes. I used to worry about when my husband retired and if he was just going to drink all the time. I was trying to make plans for us to travel, ect… He was going to retire in 3 years but he didn’t make it. I want you to have a happy retirement and not a stressful one!! I hope I am not over stepping in saying these things. I just want the best for you.

[lizbeth4]

P, I am sorry that you are struggling. Even though you are going through a rough time, you found time to support me. Your words do help me P. I find comfort in them. We can only live one day at a time. We can’t change the past but we can try to make our future better. Keep up the work P!! I know it is hard but you are worth it!!!!

[lizbeth4]

Monique and P, thanks for your posts. My heart does go out to the family of the young woman who died. It was hard enough losing my husband. I can’t imagine losing a child. I can’t even think of whats going on in my daughter’s head. I know she loves her family but at this point the drugs are her life. I hope she contacts me soon. Cat, I ask myself why? all the time. For along time, I carried a lot guilt that both of my daughter’s were addicts. I worked through it with counseling and both of my daughter’s have told me that I did nothing to cause them to do drugs. That I was a good Mom and that they made the choice to live that lifestyle. It’s still is hard to take. I pray that she won’t die of a overdose or a violent crime. She has been arrested for petty crimes and I left her in jail once for 2 weeks. It was the hardest thing that I have ever done. I thought she would not want to return and would straighten out her life but I was wrong. All the attempts to try to get her to go to rehab have failed but I won’t stop trying. Hopefully she will want to try at some point.

[lizbeth4]

Thanks everyone for your support! I heard early this morning that my daughter was at one of her friend’s house. The person telling me this missed her by 5 mins. So she is alive!!! I am relieved that she is alive, but confused as to why she isn’t communicating with me and other family members and why she disappeared for days. Something isn’t right!! She is almost in a paranoid state. I know that she is messing with some bad drugs and that is concerning. In my mind, I sent her the biggest hug. I know at some point that she will contact me. Yesterday a young woman’s body was found in the city and I was overwhelmed with fear. I couldn’t find the courage to all the police and see if it was my daughter. My oldest daughter made the call and we found out it wasn’t her. Addiction is such a monster. It takes a person and makes them do things that they thought they would never do. My family is full of addicts, gamblers, alcoholics, drug users. It is so sad! My oldest daughter fought addiction and has been clean for 18 months now. She goes to support groups and counseling as she knows that relapse can happen anytime. I have watched her struggle but stay clean and turn her life around. She has a beautiful son, a terrific job, and many friends who cherish her. She told me yesterday that she was there for me whatever the outcome with her sister. She told me that she was so sorry for being a selfish addict and that she could never comprehend how horrible it was for me, her mother. She asked me to forgive her and that she loved me. That brought me to tears. She and I have gone full circle. Good news: the fire that is burning about 40 miles from me is almost contained. My grandson woke up not feeling well. A virus was going through his classroom and a lot of the kids missed the last few days of school. So, he is resting and grandma is taking good care of him!!!

[lizbeth4]

Cat thank you for your supportive post. You are such a sweet woman. Your words do bring me comfort. I woke early with a severe headache. I am posting before I wake my daughter and grandson. My daughters haven’t been talking for some time now due to my youngest daughter’s lifestyle and hurtful things she has done. I feel like I have to keep my emotions inside as not to upset my grandson and my oldest daughter doesn’t want to talk about her sister. I’m not having a good feeling about this. I’m so scared but I can’t fall apart. If this wern’t enough, there are 3 wildfires in my state right now. The smallest is about 40 miles from my new home. It has been windy which is fueling the fires. There is a change that we might have some rain the next few days. I sure hope so. I feel like I am such a downer right now. I am trying to hang on to anything positive. I feel like I can say anything here and not be judged. I am hanging on to hope.

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