[lizbeth4]

Hi Laura, Welcom to GT. I am glad that you are here posting and responding to posts on your thread. That can be very helpful. Sorry that you have to deal with your Mother being a alcoholic. That can be a very stressful situation to be in. I am glad that you are thinking of telling your boyfriend about your gambling and getting his advice and help. Right now you need all the support you can get. We are in this together. In the beginning of my recovery, I treated myself with a book, purse, ect.. for not gambling. Anything that will help you. Stay strong!! You can do it.

[lizbeth4]

Hi P, I am thinking of you. Post when you are ready!! Take care.

[lizbeth4]

Happy Birthday!!! I was born in 1957, my birthday is at the end of the year. Enjoy your time with your Husband this weekend. Put the past behind you and move forward. Take this weekend to relax and make new beginnings.

[lizbeth4]

Hi Carole, It was nice chatting today. I thought of Ken and his famiily all day. So sad!!! I don’t know they got through the funeral today!! I have a card ready to send tomorrow and in lieu of flowers, I will donate to the charity named in the obiturary. I have left you a personal message on FB. Take care!! Thank you for getting the information concerning Ken.

[lizbeth4]

Cat thanks for your last post. I always find you very supportive and caring and it is comforting to me. I think I was having a pity party when I posted about my Mother and Sister. It is what it is!! The only difference is how I let it affect me and what I learn from it. I know that I have a lot to give and I am going to meet new people and find new friends here. It is just hard sometimes when the world as you have known it for 29 years is taken away from you and you have to start over. I have days that I struggle without my Husband but I have good days also. He is always with me!!! A good thing is that I haven’t had many gambling urges and I have been able to squash them quickly. I hope you are having a good day!! Take care.

[lizbeth4]

Thanks Cat for your post. As always it brought me comfort. I reread my last post and I think I was having myself a pity party!! Everyone needs one once in awhile. I think my Husband’s death made me open my eyes and realize that life is too short, live it to the fullest. I think it has made me be more honest with myself and I am tired of superficial relationships with family members. I think that I am grieving not having a real relationship with my Mother and Sister. But it is what it is and I will be alright with it. I won’t accept them crossing my boundaries or will I tolerate them taking their own shortcomings out on me. I am learning to give myself some credit as I was thinking today that I have came a long way since my Husband’s death. I lived a certain way for 29 years and then I was forced to find a new way to live. I struggle some days but for the most part I am doing okay. I want to be a healthy person both physically and mentally and I am doing steps to achieve that goal. I am not sure where my life path is going to take me but I am up for meeting new people and learning new things. I want to be the best that I can. I think that is all that I can ask of myself.

[lizbeth4]

Ken and Family, My prayers and thoughts are with you today. I will be thinking of you.

[lizbeth4]

I wanted to post a few thoughts I had about my family. My Sister was here last weekend but I didn’t see her as planned. We were sick and she and my Daughter haven’t talked for about 1 year. They were very close but had some sort of big fight. My Daughter doesn’t want my Sister around her or her son. Okay, well I understand all of this but it seems like someone is always fighting in our family. I was kind of happy that things worked out the way they did as I’m not sure that I am ready to see my Sister. I reached out to her as she would never apologize for anything she has done. We have been communicating through texts and honestly I feel like she hasn’t changed. I feel like I have changed and grown. She said a few things that I had to hold back from replying to as it would be another argument. She wants everyone to go along with what she thinks or all hell breaks loose. I can’t do that anymore. My Sister is all my Mom talks about anymore because she started communicating with my Mom again. It’s not all good things that she is saying. She likes the drama and my Sister’s life is full of it!! I finally told her yesterday that I didn’t want to hear about my Sister anymore. I have listen to it for weeks now. That didn’t go over very well and I had to leave my Mom’s as she got very angry that I didn’t want to hear the gossip. In fact she was mean to me!!! So I left and she called today wanting me to come over for lunch. I told her no that I was doing somethings around my home. My family is so dysfunctional!!! I get sad when I hear how some people here are so close to their Mother’s and Sister’s. I will never have that. I have decided to join a grief group which meets on Wednesdays, only for lose of spouse. I only attended 2 meetings in the city and I think it may be beneficial to me and I may meet some nice people. I am going to church on Sunday. I need to stop talking about it and get out there and meet people. I need to find healthy relationships.

[lizbeth4]

Hi P, I am thinking of you today. I hope you are reading this as I care for you P. You have a lot of friends here who care and support you. We are here for you. Stay strong.

[lizbeth4]

Cat, I woke this morning thinking of Ken and his family and the pain they are going through!! It is unimaginable!!! I have dealt with both of my Daughter’s addictions for years and it is hell!! I used to cry all the time. People didn’t want to be around me because their addictions consumed me. In fact, it affected my health and mental state. My Husband was the only person who could calm me. If finally told me that if I didn’t get help (counseling) he thought that I would die of a heart attack. I started talking to someone about it and I started getting to where I could handle it. I had to put all those fears and thoughts away and lock them up and move on so I could function. I only bring them out once in awhile and I can deal a lot better with it now. I hope that makes sense!!! It doesn’t mean that I don’t care but they are the ones who have control of what they want to do, example rehab. I can’t do that for them. My Grandson’s last game is tonight for the championship. It is finally raining here. Much needed!!! Just sitting on the computer with the front door opened listening to the rain. Very calming.

[lizbeth4]

Thank you Carole. I am thinking of Ken and his family.

[lizbeth4]

Thanks Ican for your post. I hurt a lot of people when I gambled. I mostly hurt myself as it changed me a lot and not in good ways. I did things and treated the people that I loved horridly. I have told the people that I hurt that I am sorry. My oldest Daughter apologized to me while she was in recovery. She gave me her butterfly pin she received at her outpatient ceremony. That pin is very sacred to me!! My youngest Daughter emailed me yesterday. She has been very depressed and hasn’t wanted to talk to anyone. She doesn’t even know or recognize the concern and pain she caused when she disappeared. Using drugs isn’t helping her depression. I am going to try to see her soon so I can put my arms around her and tell her how much I love her. I can’t changed her, she needs to want to change herself. I can only give her my love and let her know that I am here for her. My Grandson slept for 14 hours last night and woke feeling 98 percent better (according to him). I met my Daughter half way and took him to her. He was able to play his final game in the baseball playoffs and my Daughter called to tell me that his team won. I think he was missing his Mommy also as he has been with me for 6 days. Most of that time he was sick. I am almost at 100 percent. I am going to spend the new few days working in the yard pulling weeds and raking. I love the outdoors and admiring my yard when I am all done.

[lizbeth4]

Ken, You were crucial in my first days here at GT. I enjoyed your moderated chats. You helped me a lot. My prayers are with you and your family.

[lizbeth4]

OMG! How heartbreaking for Ken and his family. Especially his 2 children. They will be in my thoughts and prayers. Carole, if there is anything that I can do, please feel free to contact me.

[lizbeth4]

Hi Bettie, Sorry the “landlord” is being a butt!! It will be good when Jen is no longer renting from him. Some people think that they can just do whatever they want. I am glad that you stood up to him. Get some sleep. No gambling!!!

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