[lizbeth4]

Thanks Cat and Monique for your kind and supportive posts!! I really think that I have come a long way. Cat I am learning to let go and let my Daughter’s stand on their own and to not hold my Grandson so tight. It is hard but I know I need to do it. This afternoon was especially hard for me as my youngest Daughter (drug addict) text me and we had a brief conversation. Her boyfriend of 6 years is in jail and going to prison for a couple of years. He has violated his probation repeatedly and now there are no more chances and he is going to serve out his sentence (burglaries). My Daughter is upset. See, she has always had a boyfriend since she was 17 years old. And yes, they are drug addicts also. She doesn’t know how to function on her own. I want to grab her up and take care of her but I know that it isn’t the answer. She wouldn’t be here long as she would be craving the drugs. She doesn’t work so I don’t know how she is obtaining her drug money but I can only assume. It is heartbreaking and terrifying for me to wonder how she is living and surviving. I had a sleepless few nights as I kept having nightmares about her well being and the end result was so painful to face. I have put this into Gods hands. I pray that he will watch over her and that one day she will want to get help for herself. It’s so hard as a parent to watch your child destroy themselves and all you can to is watch it happen. I tell her all the time that I love her and that her she is worth more than the drugs. Please, oh, please, let her accept that she needs help and is willing to receive it.

[lizbeth4]

Today I was thinking of all of the progress I have made in my recovery since coming to GT. I also think that everyone here helped me tremendously when my husband died. It has been a hard 15 months!! I am blessed as I have good friends and I have reconnected with family members and we are rebuilding our relationships. I have a comfortable home to live in and I enjoy my retired life. This is all thanks to my husband for looking out for me and providing for my future. I realize that I am a very fortunate person and I don’t take any of it for granted. Why then do I feel like something is missing from my life? Why is there a emptyness within me? I don’t know how to fill it!! I think that has to do a lot with my gambling urges. I know that I am in another stage of my life, widow, grown children. Maybe, I haven’t put myself out there more to meet new people and have new experience. Fear and rejection are keeping me from doing this. Sometimes, I just feel so tired, mentally, and I want to stay home in my own little world. I guess there are still a lot of things that I need to figure out about myself and my life. Why are things so complicated?

[lizbeth4]

Lucy was a good movie. My Mom seemed to enjoy it also. We went to Walmart afterwards and I am going back to my Mom’s for dinner soon. I thought of gambling a few mins ago. Why? I don’t know! I’m not going to!! I have plenty of other things to keep me occupied and out of trouble. My Daughter text me that she was going to do some packing this weekend. About time!! I’m not going to the city to help her as I brought all the boxes, tape, and bubble wrap to her months ago. The last 2 times I was in the city, I asked her to start purging so I wasn’t packing things that didn’t need to be packed. She did nothing, so maybe I need to let her take care of the packing. I will help down the line if she asks for my help. I hope I don’t sound too crabby but I am a very organized person and all the chaos at her place can be overwhelming for me. Just like my organization is probably too much for her. LOL!!!!

[lizbeth4]

ICAN, Congrads on your gamble free time!! Keep on enjoying life. Take care.

[lizbeth4]

ICAN, Congrads on your gamble free time!! Keep on enjoying life. Take care.

[lizbeth4]

ICAN, Congrads on your gamble free time!! Keep on enjoying life. Take care.

[lizbeth4]

Today I went back to the gym. It’s been over 1 month since I went. I did better than I anticipated. I lasted for 30 mins. I am going back tomorrow. Heading to the movies to see Lucy. I like the actors in it. I hope it is good!! Talk later.

[lizbeth4]

My day was great till I got the mail. Seems like one of my late mother in law daughters has committed fraud. She was keeping money from her Mother’s pension after she died instead of returning it. To top it off, the letter was for my Husband as he was a contact number for his Mother in her retirement papers. They want him to pay back the money. I was so upset and mad. One thing about my Husband is that he never would do anything like that. After I calmed down, I wrote a letter explaining that my Husband preceded his Mother in death. That she had 2 surviving daughters that were responsible for her estate. I included his death certificate, ect. for supporting documentation. I will sent it on Monday. That is why he didn’t want to have anything to do with his family. They are a shady lot!!! They don’t care that someone else would take the fall for their actions. Just unbelievable!!!

[lizbeth4]

Hi P, Home is where you make it. Some of my most memorable times were in places we rented. Never rule out buying a home!! I think of my home as my sanctuary also P. I am doing alright today. I just finished grilling chicken. I am taking down dinner to my Mom soon. Chicken, salad, and zucchini. This morning my Mom and I did a little shopping at the dollar store and Big Lots. We just recently got a Big Lots here. We played a few games of Yahtzee (my favorite game). Yesterday on the way to my Realtor’s office, I saw 4 elk (3 doe’s and 1 buck). They were grazing off the side of the road. I stopped the car to watch them and the buck started to run but stopped. They watched me and I watched them for a few mins. How beautiful they were!!! Well, I have come to the point of accepting that this house deal is going to drag on. We have another inspector coming out again this week to address another issue on the house. I learned that the seller has 5 days after we counter him to respond. His agent has been on vacation so things have slowed down in getting responses. I will know in approx. 2 weeks if I am buying the home or not. I am asking them to come down on the price of the home ($8,000) the costs of all fixes. Like I said before, I would rather hire and supervise the work that needs to be done and sometimes the seller doesn’t have the cash to pay for the fixes. It would be easier to just walk away but the home is nice and the neighborhood is perfect for my Daughter and Grandson (clean and low crime area). I went by the house on 3 different times when I was in the city. Every time it was quiet. Well, we see what happens. I have my eye on a few other homes in case this falls through. I hope everyone is having a great gamble free weekend!!!

[lizbeth4]

Yesterday, I just wanted to scream and release all of my stress, worry! Today, I am feeling better emotionally. I have a 2 pm meeting with my Realtor. I will sign the document stating all that I want fixed in the home. They have 48 hours to reply. If he does credit me than I will have to get the roof replaced after closing on the house. I am good with that as I would hire a reputable company to do the work and have peace of mind. I feel like I am neglecting my home and yard as I am going back and forth to the city. But this will be over and my Daughter and Grandson will be settled and I can stay home more. I love this place!!! The street cleaning guy is going down my street. It is so peaceful, clean, and calm here. I lived in the city all of my life and it is just awesome here. I did have gambling thoughts yesterday but was able to get through the urges. I don’t plan on gambling today!!!

[lizbeth4]

Hi Carole, I am sorry to hear that you are having a rough time. Please don’t let Danny make you feel any less than you are. I know you to be a awesome person and a truly cherished friend. I know that I was totally wiped out after almost 3 weeks taking care of my Grandson. Although, I did have his Dad’s help 2 weekends during that time. Taking it day by day is great as it isn’t so overwhelming. I wish I was there to make you laugh and be silly with you. Just remember, I am thinking of you. Take care.

[lizbeth4]

Hi Cat, You have been quiet. I am sure you are busy with work and all! I think I still have empty nest syndrome. It was hard when the girls grew up and left home. Now with my Husband not here, I am getting use to living alone. It has been a big adjustment. I think I am progressing pretty well. Hope you doing alright. Take care.

[lizbeth4]

Well, I need to vent!! The roofing report came in and the roof and underlying wood needs to be replaced. The cost is $7400. I am asking the seller to credit me that amount. This is the deal breaker. We will counter him in the next 2 days and he has 2 days to respond. I am ready to walk if this isn’t agreed upon. Good news: I am home, my beautiful home!!! The weather is beautiful and it’s so peaceful here!! Thanks for letting me vent. This is the place where I can vent and not be judged!!!

[lizbeth4]

Well, my cardiology appointment went well. I won’t be going back for another year. I am going home tomorrow morning. It is 114 degrees here. Too hot for me!! The inspector and roofing inspector were both at the house today. Tomorrow, we will be getting their reports. The next step is to counter the seller with the items I want fixed and the costs. That will be the telling moment. If he agrees to a credit for the costs, I will move forward with the purchase, if he says no, I am walking away. It’s just very stressful!! I haven’t thought of gambling and that is awesome!!! Enjoying my time with my Grandson. I picked him up from camp today and I took him to get a haircut. He looks even more handsome!!!

[lizbeth4]

Hi SB, I just wanted to tell you that you are doing great in your recovery. You have put a lot barriers up such as not holding your bank card and getting rid of your PC. Whatever it takes to stay gamble free. Gardening is very therapeutic for me and helps my mind be free of gambling thoughts. Good wishes for you and your recovery. Have fun with your boys.

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