[lizbeth4]

Thanks ican! I need all the prayers I can get concerning my youngest Daughter. We had a good lunch yesterday. She was talking more clearly about her boyfriend and their breakup. I have to face the facts that she isn’t the child that I raised anymore. She is street smart and sometimes says some scary things about what she has seen and done. I can’t dwell on it as it would drive me crazy and she is the only one who can change things for herself. Ican, we can only take care of ourselves. My oldest Daughter and Grandson were very happy to see me and I was happy to see them. My Daughter commented on how I looked like I had lost some weight. I have, not much, but 5 pounds. I am working on being more healthy as I want to be here as long as I can. I am taking my Daughter to the airport in a few hours. I am thinking of picking up my Grandson from school (surprise) instead of karate camp. We have some shopping to do and we are going out for dinner. We are going to have a great time!!!!

[lizbeth4]

Hi Kathryn! All of your hard work isn’t in vain. It has helped you recognize that you don’t want to gamble! I gambled after my Husband’s death and I didn’t enjoy it! Don’t beat yourself up. Put the barriers up. Take care.

[lizbeth4]

Thanks Monique and P for your posts! I made it to the city through a lot of hard rain. My youngest Daughter called me and wants to go for lunch. I am meeting her soon. I have no expectations! I am feeling better emotionally. I am not having gambling urges. I took a long bath last night and was very relaxed and slept well. I meditated this morning for 20 mins and cleared my mind and calmed myself. I need to do this every morning. My Grandson has baseball practice this evening (his arm brace is off), so I will just relax as my Daughter is leaving tomorrow afternoon for Seattle. Life is good we just don’t realize it sometimes!

[lizbeth4]

Hi Carole! I just posted a message to you on FB? Is everything alright??? Just wanted to know how you are! Post soon!

[lizbeth4]

Thanks for your post P. We can get through the urges. It is so easy to get sucked back into the gambling. I am making every effort not to go there again. Today I am being tested again. I am letting stress get to me and not to fall prey to gambling urges. I know how to fight them and what to do. My youngest Daughter call this morning with her drama. Her boyfriend left her and now the woman whom she was house sitting for wants her to move asap so she can lease out her condo. I know that I don’t know the whole story as she only tells me what she wants me to hear. My first inclination was to get a hotel room or kitchenette for her. Yes, I can do that but I am enabling her and she is still going to have the same problems as she is not doing anything to straighten out her life. She has friends that she can probably stay with as that is what she has been doing for years. It is just hard and heartbreaking to think that your child might be homeless. I know she is a adult but she is my baby. I am trying to stay strong and not enable her. It just tough. I am not going to let this cause me to gamble. I will be strong! I did have a good morning. I went and worked out even though I didn’t feel like it. I had lunch with my Mother and now I am at home getting things packed to go to the city tomorrow. I can’t change anyone else but myself.

[lizbeth4]

The urges to gamble have faded. I read a self help book and I read some posts here. It took me a few days but I am fine now and not thinking of gambling. The yard man is here finishing the yard work he started last week. It is looking good. I had to say good bye to my rose bushes for the season as it is time to get the plants ready for winter. I am getting ready to leave on Wednesday for the city for 6 days. I will have one on one time with my Grandson and that is always fun. We are going to a fall harvest festival this weekend. There are hay rides, mazes, plenty of pumpkins to chose from and a lot of activities for kids. We will have a great time!!! Nothing else going on. It is a good day!

[lizbeth4]

Thanks Vera for your post. I won’t give up hope for my Daughter! My first thought was that maybe it is good that her boyfriend is leaving but then I thought of her need for companionship and that it won’t be long till she is with someone else. She has been in so many abusive relationships both physical and mental. It’s just a scary thought! But I have no control over that. I just need to keep telling her how much I love her and how much she is worth to me. I will keep putting the offer of rehab to her also. I know that she knows how much I love her. She has told several family members that I am her angel. On my part, I have had tremendous gambling urges, probably from the stress. I haven’t gambled and I am not going to. I went to the grocery store and bought some shrimp as I am making shrimp scampi with pasta for my Mom and I for dinner today. I wanted to clean the storage room today but right now I don’t have any desire to. I am trying to get my head on straight and deal with the stress and fear. It’s just taking me some time. I will get there.

[lizbeth4]

I had a productive day. I cleaned out closets and reorganized. My house is clean as I am leaving for the city on Wednesday to watch my Grandson while my Daughter is out of town. I come home for 11 days and then I am off to San Diego with my Cousin for 4 days. Can’t wait. I had a few disturbing texts from my youngest Daughter this afternoon. Her boyfriend who is also a addict, is leaving her. They have been together for 6 years and the relationship has always been rocky. She is very codependent on men. She has always had a boyfriend. She has no self esteem. She is always in relationships where she is verbally abused and she accepts it. I tried to be supportive and told her to call me if she wanted to talk as I will always be here for her. I told her that she would be okay and I reminded her that she needed to put herself first. I don’t know how much really sunk in. I reminded her that rehab is always a option as I would take care of it. It just made me sad that she thinks that she is not worth more!!! Also, I started having urges to gamble as a excuse to escape from the pain I feel when I can’t help her. I am not going to gamble but I would like to! I know that it isn’t the answer for me. Why do things have to be so hard and sad sometimes????

[lizbeth4]

Thanks P! I have had a okay day. I took my Mom’s truck and filled it with gas. She hasn’t filled the tanks on the truck for 8 years (since the death of my step-father). She says it scares her to fill them?? I don’t get it but I keep them filled for her. I guess we all have our hang ups and fears. I haven’t been very productive today. I did some cleaning but not much of anything else. Tomorrow I am going to clean my storage shed. I had a work friend ask to be friends with me on Facebook and I accepted. I had blocked her as a friend after my Husband died as she wasn’t very supportive. I have learned through my grief counseling that sometimes people don’t know what to say and sometimes they say things and don’t mean to be hurtful. So, I will give it another try. It’s just strange that she contacted me as I was thinking of another work friend and I sent her a card today. I am feeling a little down today. Don’t know why! Through grief counseling I am learning not to be so hard on myself. I am finding a new path in my life and sometimes it is hard being alone. I had to tell my Mom today that her Sister (only sibling left) was going to a assisted living facility. I talked to her Daughter last night. She is 92 years old and her Husband died recently. She needs 24 hour care and her children all have to work. My Mom took it well and she said she understood and that it was probably the best thing for her Sister. I told her that we would be sure to get the address and phone number so she could keep contact with her. I know it must be sad for my Mother as all of her siblings but 1 have died. My Mother is the youngest and her Sisters and Brothers were in their teens when she was born. She is closer in age to their oldest children, her Nieces and Nephews. It was a little sad as my Mom had tears in her eyes. Oh, I am going to do some reading and try to get out of my mood.

[lizbeth4]

Hi Bettie, I just read my thread and saw your post. I never thought of your post as critical or hurtful. I appreciate any suggestions and thoughts for my situation. It gives me things to think about. It’s a tough place to be but I will find a solution to help myself deal with my Daughter’s addiction. Thanks.

[lizbeth4]

Bettie, I never thought that you were being critical of my situation. Everyone has their own opinions and suggestions. I have loved everyone of her books and I have gotten a lot from them. I am working through this and I do appreciate any help/suggestions that I can get. It makes me search my mind and heart. I need to find a happy ground where I can find peace for myself. It is hard to watch someone that you love slip further and further down a one way path. But I can’t go there either. I still feel at times very fragile when it come to my Husband. I am trying to mend that hole and move forward with my life. My Daughter needs to find her way as I can’t do it for her. Maybe she will and she may never be free of her addiction. I just want her to know that I love her and will be here to support her when she wants to get help. She knows how I feel about her drug addiction as I have made that clear. We have a relationship but not a close one as the drugs are her everything. I am coping but I need to go to the next level with her for my own sanity. It’s tough right now but I will get through this and be alright.

[lizbeth4]

Hi Bettie, Get your flu shot!!! I have been getting them for the last 10 years and haven’t gotten the flu. I might get a cold here and there but nothing bad!! Take care.

[lizbeth4]

Thanks Vera for your posts. I did sent my youngest Daughter a text yesterday telling her that I loved her. She responded with I love you Momma! I love posting here and receiving awesome responses and support. Vera, you are right, I can not change her but I can set limits and boundaries. I have done that but now I have to set more. I can’t be around her for a long length of time as her world is full of chaos and deceptions. We usually have lunch, away from her environment. I don’t give her money (learned from that) but I do take her grocery shopping and I have bought her clothes. She is my baby and I love her dearly but I can’t be around her a lot!!! I did my 40 min workout this morning!! I went grocery shopping and made healthier choices. My Mother offered me cookies (chocolate chip, my favorite) yesterday and I declined!!! So typical of her! She was a little short with me today but I blew it off and went to my hair appointment. Now, I feel sorry for her when I watch her bad behavior. It’s sad that she doesn’t get help for her depression and that she is unable to be happy. I truly believe that happiness comes from within. You can not base your happiness on others. It’s very sad! It is now cold enough here to wear a light sweater. I love this weather. I am getting my sweaters and boots out!!! Today is good!

[lizbeth4]

Hi Friend! I needed to put you back at the top of the threads. Please post when you can. I saw your vacation pics and your Granddaughters are beautiful. Hope you had a good time!! I would like to know what’s going on with you!! Talk soon.

[lizbeth4]

Hi Bettie! I am glad to see that you are taking a little vacation with your Sister! Have a great time! How kind of your customer to give you a gift card. I rarely eat meat so I don’t pay attention to the prices. Be really proud of yourself for finishing 4th for the quarter. That is a big accomplishment especially with the recent changes at work and your health issues. I am so glad that you are through with the “landlord”. I am sure that he is regretting it! You are worth so much more. He sounds like a jerk. Hope you are having a great day!

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