[lizbeth4]

Thanks for the post Bettie! My Sister was amazed that I had talked my Mother into going to the city for a few days and leaving her dog in someone else’s care. She told my Cousin that she was real excited to be going to the city. Today was a laid back day. We went to the gym and then to the grocery store so I could purchase the rest of the Thanksgiving dinner groceries. I was able to donate a food basket to the food bank while I was there. We had lunch with my Cousin and then she went home. She comes up here to escape for a few days as she lives with her son, daughter in law and their 2 kids. We have decided that we are going on a Alaskan Cruise next year, probably in September. The peak season will be over and it will be cheaper to upgrade to a cabin with a balcony. I am very excited about this!!! Hopefully her health will continue to improve. I know I have said this before but I am committed to doing volunteer work after Christmas. I am going to get 2 angel tags off the tree here at one of the stores. A girl and a boy. I will get them a toy and a jacket or some warm pj’s. I am grateful of all that I have and there are a lot of people who are in need of help. I will be glad to see my Daughter and Grandson, ex son in law and his brother at Thanksgiving. I think that everyone is staying for a few days so they can go hiking and fishing. I am getting used to living alone but having family around is nice.

[lizbeth4]

My Cousin (the one who I went to San Diego with) is here for a few days. I spent the day with her and my Mother. We made some more cookies and had a nice dinner together. I took the rest of the cookie ingredients home with me so I could make some more before Christmas. My Mother acts like she really doesn’t want to make them. I have made the last 3 batches and she helped me box them up. She acts like she is just going through the motion. That’s too bad as I thought it would be something that we could do together. After Thanksgiving I have talked her into going to the city for 3-4 days. I am really surprised that she has agreed to go. We have no shopping mall here so I am going to take her to her favorite stores. Her next door neighbor is going to take care of her dog. She will have her own bedroom at my Daughter’s home so she can rest when she wants to. I have told her that we can go home when she is ready. I am keeping my fingers crossed that everything goes well and that we can have a good time!! I am going grocery shopping tomorrow for the rest of my Thanksgiving dinner. My Cousin remarked on me losing weight today. It was nice to hear. I have been real vigilant in my diet and exercising. It is hard especially when we are baking cookies. I feel like I am doing well in regards to my health, both physically and mentally. I am getting excited now about Thanksgiving and having everyone here for dinner. It just takes me some time to get there.

[lizbeth4]

Today was good! My Mother had a early morning hair/perm appointment so I went to the gym by myself. It was 22 degrees here and I had to push myself to get out of my warm bed and go to the gym but I made it! I always feel better after exercising and that’s what I tell myself when I want to make a excuse and not go. I went to the store afterwards and bought lunch for us, baked chicken, tossed green salad, and asparagus. My Mother was very grateful and appreciative. We baked cookies for about 3 hours. We are taking a break tomorrow and resuming our cookie baking on Wednesday. I only taste tested 1 cookie today. I thought about my Mother and her negative attitude last night. I have made up my mind to try and seize the good moments with her. I am going to try to overlook the small things and I will walk away when it is too much. That’s how I need to deal with her. Life is too short! One day she will be gone and I want to have good memories to remember. She did tell me today that I was a good Daughter and that she appreciated all the things that I do for her. That made me feel good.

[lizbeth4]

Thanks Kpat and Carole for your posts! I do think my Mother suffers from depression and that she is a CG. She will never admit or get help for either. She is angry and miserable a lot. I do handle it well most times but sometimes it is still to much to bear. I do take it personally sometimes and let my feelings get hurt. I am working hard on protecting my feelings and walking away from her. Carole, you are right. I will make my decision when it is time about taking care of her on a full time basis. I will not feel guilty and I will do what is best for my mental health. She was alright today and very loving to me. I guess I need to grasp and hold on to the good times. Our relationship will never be what I want it to be and I am accepting it. I have so many fond memories of my Grandmothers as my Mother took care of them in her home till they passed away. They were very demanding and one was bedridden. I don’t know how my Mother dealt with that. She was much younger and hadn’t become bitter at that time. Life is strange. I just want to be happy and content. Why be bitter and upset all the time?

[lizbeth4]

We went to the holiday bazaars today and then to lunch. I had asked my Mother if she wanted to make some Christmas cookies (we freeze them) to give as gifts to the neighbors, ect. We used to do this with both of my Grandmother’s. It was a family thing. She wanted to so I bought all the stuff for 4 different kinds of cookies and brought everything to her house. We made cookies all afternoon and I am going back to her place tomorrow morning to make more cookies. She was getting upset about something and she didn’t act like she was having fun. I had suggested this as I thought it was a way for us to do something together and have fun. She calmed down towards the end of the cookie making. I feel like I can’t win for losing. If I had suggested going to the casino, she would have been happy. But that’s not going to happen. I just feel like she and I are never on the same level. She is always angry!! She never really listens to me it is usually all about her. I don’t know if elderly people get like that. I don’t remember my Grandmother’s acting that way. Sorry for the rant. It helps sometimes to talk about it. I didn’t have any gambling urges like I usually do when she is giving me a hard time. I am still learning how to effectively handle the situations with her. Sometimes I feel like I am backsliding instead of making progress. I will figure it out.

[lizbeth4]

Hi Carole, I am glad that you are feeling a greater sense of gratefulness, peace and joy. We embrace these feelings when we are not gambling and we don’t take things for granted. I am glad that you turned down Danny’s offer of gambling only once a month, 3 hundred dollars. That’s not a help to you!! I wanted to ask you how your Mother is doing? I thought of her today as I was spending the day with my Mother. Take care!

[lizbeth4]

Hi Bettie, Please keep me posted about your Mom. Take care.

[lizbeth4]

Bettie, Yes you do need to find out what is going on with your Mother. It is scary! Keep us posted. My Mom and I went to the gym and tomorrow we are going to 3 holiday bazaars and out for lunch. Earlier, she was real rude to me for no reason. I didn’t say anything. I just cut my visit short and came home. I am trying to let the little things go concerning her and I am trying to be a good Daughter. She has major anger issues and I know that I am not going to solve them for her and she isn’t working on them. Truly, I don’t know if I will take care of her when she is unable to live by herself. Our family usually takes care of our old if possible. She is so hard to get along with and wants everyone to feel as miserable as she does. It is sad! I think she has some mental issues but she would never get help. I am just being honest about the way I feel. It is not easy to say. The repairman will be here sometime between 1pm to 5pm. It is cold and overcast today so I rather be home (cozy) anyways!!

[lizbeth4]

The dryer repair man never made it here yesterday. His truck broke down in a small town about 25 miles north of me. He was a bit upset as he is from the city and was stuck in the middle of nowhere waiting for the tow truck! He is coming tomorrow afternoon. I have been keeping quite busy. Going to the gym during the week and finding things for my Mom and I to do on Saturdays. There are many holiday bazaars to go to. I am over my anxiety about Thanksgiving and getting more into the mood for the holidays. I went to the grocery store today and bought the stuff for 4 different kinds of cookies. My Mom and I are going to bake Xmas cookies together. We haven’t done that in a long time and I thought it would be fun to do. She is on board. She decided that she would go to the city with me for 3-4 days as the last time she was there was after my Husband’s death. We will stay with my oldest Daughter and Grandson. This is big for her as she doesn’t like to get too far from her home. We are going to the mall as we don’t have one here and she likes shopping. It will be good for her to get away for a few days. She will have her own bedroom at my Daughter’s house. I haven’t lost anymore weight but I was able to fit into a pair of jeans (one of my favs) today and I didn’t have to hold my breath. LOL!!!

[lizbeth4]

Good job Carole!!! It would have been easy for you to go to the casino with the cash but instead you choose to go to the bank. That takes fortitude and will power to do that!!! You are strong!

[lizbeth4]

Congrads on your gamble free time.

[lizbeth4]

Hi Bettie, I just read your last few posts and they were very powerful! I was in tears! Who thinks that they have the right to judge and or make fun of anyone about their weight. That must have been so hard to deal with! My Husband went to Catholic schools and he told me how mean the nuns were. I thought they must be nice people because they were nuns. How naive! Bettie, my Grandson is real chunky. A girl in his class said hey chubby to him. He told her what his name was and that it hurt his feeling to be called chubby. She apologized and he hasn’t had any other issues with her. I was so proud of him for standing up to her as he is only 8 years old. Bullying is horrid. Your shames were out of your control. I like your phrase “student of life”. Going through recovery, I had to tear apart my life and find out why I did certain things and take stock of myself and other’s in my life. I think it will be a on going process. I think it a very healthy way to live. Don’t forget to give yourself kudos on how far you have come, both in being gamble free and in your life. Sometimes we forget to do that. Take care.

[lizbeth4]

I love this site! I just read Ican’s last post and I related to what she was saying. It is sometimes hard for me to just go with the flow and understand that sometimes things don’t go the right way and that I have to deal with them. Today is a good example. I am waiting for the dryer repair man to come. The window for him to come is 8am thru 5pm. Really? So, I am basically stuck at home awaiting his call. So, I thought about cleaning up the leaves in the front yard, of course when it warmed up in a few hours. As I am posting, I am watching the wind blow the leaves off the trees into the yard. LOL!!! My Daughter text me yesterday saying that her ex and his brother are coming to Thanksgiving Dinner. Mind you, they were invited but now I am having anxiety about it. I don’t mind the cooking, ect..and they are awesome people, so I don’t know where this is coming from. Let it go!! I talked to my youngest Daughter recently and she and her boyfriend (the one who was breaking up with her) are staying in a weekly hotel. I asked how they were paying for it and she said they were working here and there. Okay, scary! I didn’t ask any further questions. I am still doing well on my weight loss. Although I wanted to eat everything in sight yesterday but didn’t. I had a haircut yesterday (quite a bit cut off) and I like it. I am going a shade darker next week. Maybe no one will recognize me at Thanksgiving and they will think that they have the wrong house. LOL!!!

[lizbeth4]

Hi Ican, I hope your friend is feeling better. It was good that she was with you at the time of her collapse and not alone. I am sure that everything will be alright. I understand your anxiety and worry when things don’t go right in your life, things that we can’t control. I get the same way but I try to hand it over to God. I am glad that you went home instead of gambling. Give yourself kudos for that. Take care and have a awesome gamble free day!

[lizbeth4]

Oh, light bulb moment! My Husband’s birthday just passed, and now we are going into holiday season. Maybe that is why I am feeling this way!!!

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