[lizbeth4]

I hung out at home all day today! I did get some things done, all the gifts are wrapped and under the tree except the game table that I bought my Grandson. Tomorrow, I will put it together and figure out how to wrap it. My Mother called this morning acting like nothing had happened, her M.O. I talked to her for a few mins. and told her that I had things to do today. I fought gambling urges for most of the day!! In fact, there were a few times I almost got ready and went to the casino. It rained here all day and was quite chilly, so that detoured me also. I don’t know why I am feeling like this. I did finish a book today and started another one. No gambling!!!

[lizbeth4]

So, I went by my Mothers for a visit. Can someone explain to me how can someone be so full of anger and be so mean! We were talking about getting some angel tags from the Christmas tree at Walmart. She said she didn’t have money for that and got red in the face and got real mad. I told her she needed to calm down, that no one said she had to participate. She does have money, she isn’t broke or destitute. I quickly left as I can’t deal with it. Once she is in her anger mode, it is downhill from there. I went to Walmart and picked 3 tags, all boys around my Grandson’s age, and went toy shopping. I drove to the donation box and dropped off the toys and movies I bought. I seriously thought about the casino and gambling but I didn’t go there!! Isn’t it amazing that I let someone else’s bad behavior, which I have no control over tempt me to gamble. I need to start working on this again as I feel like I have become complacent about our relationship and how it effects me.

[lizbeth4]

I went to the gym this morning. I had to suck it up and go out in the cold but I feel much better since I exercised. I have lost 8 pounds but have hit a wall. It’s hard because of the holiday but I only ate 1 piece of pumpkin pie at Thanksgiving instead of half of a pie. LOL!!! I will keep working at it. I am going to wrap the gifts today and get them under the tree. I have to mail 2 presents so I will get them ready for Monday’s mailing. I will be going to the city for a few days around New Year’s as my Daughter and ex son in law have asked me to watch my Grandson. It is kind of strange that he is seeing someone else now but I think it is healthy for both of them as he is moving on with his life. In January I will be in the city for 10 days. My Daughter is going on a small trip and I will stay extra days instead of coming home and coming back to celebrate my Grandson’s 9th birthday with them. I can help my Daughter with my Grandson and around her home as she has been so busy with work and has such long work days. I am going to have lunch with a close friend while I am there. I just talked to a work friend whom I have known for 20 years. She is 10 years older than me and is retiring in 1 year. She is currently raising her 6 year old Grandson. I have invited them to come and visit sometime next year. She is someone who you don’t talk to a lot but just pick up where you left off like no time has gone by. She is a awesome person! Well, guess I should go and get some things accomplished today. Have a great gamble free day everyone!

[lizbeth4]

Hi Carole! It is heartbreaking for the family of the little girl who died and for her mother who died! I can’t imagine. There is nothing that one can really say to them but to be there and be her friend is probably the greatest thing that you can do for her. I had a work friend whose wife died of cancer and 6 months later he went to wake up his 18 year old son, his only child and he was dead. His appendix had bust during the night and he had passed away. I often looked at my friend and wondered where he found the strength to go on. I would sit and listen to him talk about them and I always made a point to say hi to him everyday and ask him how he was doing. It is hard sometimes to understand why such tragedies happen. I am glad that you didn’t gamble and opted for a blizzard instead. Take care!

[lizbeth4]

Hi Bettie, I am glad that you had your test done this morning. Please keep us informed on the results. That is sad that Jen is going through domestic abuse. Hopefully she doesn’t go back with him. He isn’t going to change if he doesn’t seek help for himself. Just saying! Take care and have a good day!

[lizbeth4]

What I like about recovery is being real, not having to make up lies and excuses for my actions. Having more time with my family and friends. Feeling free!!

[lizbeth4]

You are not a bad person, you are a CG! You are in the right place for help and support. Please consider GA meetings, banning yourself, giving your cards and money over to someone else, anything to make it harder to gamble. Keep posting and stay strong!!

[lizbeth4]

Hi Bettie! I hope everything went well with your scan today. It is good that you had a visit with Jen. It was nice of you to take care of her animals. Take care and get some rest!!

[lizbeth4]

Thanks Kpat for your post! I didn’t gamble today!! We figured out the heart monitor and my Mother is now wearing it for 1 month. It will be good to rule out any heart problems. I grilled chicken and vegetables and made a salad and brought dinner to her. I did see my youngest Daughter, Sister, Nephew and his infant daughter when I was in the city. Our small family is very fragmented. When my Sister gets mad at one of us she stops talking to us for years. I choose to reunited with her some time ago and made the first step and reached out to her. Our relationship is alright, nothing to write home about. My oldest Daughter and her haven’t talked for over 1 year as my Sister went off on her and in front of my Grandson. They were very close. Anyways it is strange when I see my Sister as she never brings up my Daughter or Grandson though they lived together for 3 years. When I bring them up she gives me a blank stare. Very strange!!! It is what it is!! My Sister never deals with her problems, she just runs from them! Very sad! In fact she hadn’t talked to my Mother for 2 years and they only started talking when they saw each other at my old condo right after my Husband died. Once you reach out to her she talks to you again but never discusses why she stopped talking to you. I am tired of trying to figure it all out. We are in a alright place right now. I wouldn’t ever count on her for anything but that’s alright. I know I am here for my Mother and I advised my Sister when she was in the hospital recently. She asked if it was necessary for her to come here and I told her no that she would be alright. What else can I do?? I was busy today putting up the Christmas tree and decorating it and the house. Tomorrow I will get all the presents wrapped. It was a good day!

[lizbeth4]

I woke this morning with gambling urges and I can’t find any motivation. I am going to pull myself together and get myself to the gym. Then I need to go to the post office and grocery store. No gambling in my agenda. I suspect that my Mom is having mini strokes. My grandmother and one of my aunt’s experienced the same thing. I tried to talk to my Mom about it and that maybe her doctor could order some tests and or give her a prescription so they could be slowed down. She wouldn’t hear of it. That is where my stress and the gambling urges are coming from. This is hard. I will refrain from gambling and deal with these issues.

[lizbeth4]

Hi Ican, Sorry to hear about your friend. You have to forgive yourself as I believe that it is the only way to move forward. Take care!!

[lizbeth4]

We made it back home this morning. After I helped my Mom get settled into her home, I came home. We had a good time shopping and seeing everyone. My Daughter is a awesome cook and we enjoyed her cooking! My Grandson was adorable and so sweet. He told me to go home and pack my things and to move in with his Mom and him!! I got in a lot of kisses and snuggles!! My Mom did well and told me this morning how much fun she had and thanked me again. She took daily naps and yesterday we slowed it down a lot. We had lunch with my youngest Daughter. I made sure that my Mom ate properly and drank plenty of water as she seems to forget to eat and I don’t want her to get dehydrated again. She tried to work herself up to get mad several times but my Daughter and Grandson wouldn’t let her. They had her laughing instead. My Sister and youngest Daughter were a little taken aback at my Mom’s decline both mentally and physically. They are not around her a lot. I had to keep her close by at the mall and inside the larger stores as she gets turned around and seems to get disorientated easily. We live in a small, small town and it is easier for her to get around here. She fell asleep yesterday while sitting on the sofa. It is sad to see your parents age and decline in health. What do you do? We are all aging. I am going to rest today as I have a lot to do before Christmas, such as decorating, grocery shopping, ect. I am glad to be home!!!

[lizbeth4]

Well we made it to the city and went on our shopping adventure today with my sister. We both bought new sweaters and boots. It was a long day as we were at the mall for 7 hours. My Mom did pretty well. We stopped for lunch and several breaks. My daughter cooked a awesome dinner for us and we dined outside on the back patio. Tomorrow we are going to take my youngest daughter to lunch and visit with her. We are having a special dinner tomorrow night as my daughter’s best friend of 19 years is coming and it has been awhile since my Mom or I have seen her. The time is going by fast but we are both enjoying ourselves. Oh, my great niece is adorable. My Mom enjoyed holding her.

[lizbeth4]

Thanks Cat for your post! My Mother did thank me today for being here for her. We went to the cardiologist today and she has a heart monitor which she needs to wear for 1 week. He also put in a order for her to have a stress test. Cat, I really had to work on staying positive today. My Mom had to fill out a new patient packet and when I tried to help her she got mad at me, so I stopped and read a magazine. Then she said in a loud voice, “How many damn papers do I have to fill out?” The waiting room was small and everyone looked at her. I kept reading my magazine although I wanted to walk out. She made a fool of herself but didn’t seem to mind. When we were done at the Dr’s, I took her out for lunch. I am packed and all I have to do is put everything into the car tomorrow and go to my Mom’s and get her and her things. I sure hope she acts half way decent while we are at my Daughters home. She is really excited about us coming. We are going to see my Sister and my Great Niece who is only 2 months old. We are hoping to take my youngest Daughter out for lunch. I am going to take my Mom to a mall so she can get her fill of shopping as our choices are so limited here. We will be busy and 3 to 4 days will go by so fast.

[lizbeth4]

We are going to get the heart monitor tomorrow. I feel like we should be alright in the city. There are hospitals everywhere. I think that the higher elevation, 7500 feet, and the climbing and hiking helped cause the episode. I truly believe that she will probably need another stint. I think that this was a warning sign for us. I feel confident going to the city. I think it will be alright. I did ask her to bring her health directives with her in case something should happen. The cardiologist knows we are traveling and has no problem with it. We will take it easy though.

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