[lizbeth4]

Hi Lost. I was wondering how you are doing. Please post. I hope that you are okay.

[lizbeth4]

Thanks P for your post. There is always a solution for everything like my credit card debt. Sometimes it’s not what we want but I think even the hardest of times happen for a reason. Hopefully I learn from my mistakes, usually I do. I worked out this morning and my thighs are screaming! LOL! I am happy also that I didn’t get back into the gambling nightmare. I am taking steps and learning to deal with my stress and outside negativity in a good way. I can’t control what others say or do, I can only control how I react. It’s good to be growing and learning new things about myself. I know that I am stronger than I give myself credit for.

[lizbeth4]

Thanks for the posts! Cat, I was worried when my Husband wanted me to take the early out, retirement from work 6 years ago. Then I let it go and did it. It was the best thing I could have done. (Thank you Husband for encouraging me) I don’t miss any of work related stress and I get to spend lots of time with my Grandson and in my yard and house. A little bit of heaven! Anyways, you will enjoy retirement. My Daughter and ex son in law were at the camp send off. We watched my Grandson get on the bus. He had already made a friend even before he boarded the bus. He will have a blast. I am starting back to the gym tomorrow. Better go to bed as I want to get up early.

[lizbeth4]

Hi everyone. I woke this morning feeling content and peaceful. My Grandson is still sleeping. We are going to pack today for camp. Tomorrow we will go to the meeting place so he can check in and get on the bus. Exciting but a little scary as this is his first time going to camp and out of our sight. My Daughter reminds me that she went to camp at that age and had a blast! It rained here a lot last night. My plants are loving it. I decided to get a loan and pay off my credit cards. I will have a lower interest rate and it will be paid off in 2 years. I am so grateful that I am not gambling. I can see my way out of this mess.

[lizbeth4]

Dear Lost, I know that I am not there physically but I am here for you. You have been in my thoughts. I know the feeling of being numb and feeling lost. Can you find a GA meeting to attend? It’s a start. It may be of comfort for you to be around other people who understand what you are going through. We have all felt despair and hopelessness being CG’ s. Do you have any family members that you can turn to for help? I am around your age and I know that it’s probably hard for you to ask for help but we all need help sometimes. You are not alone. Please post your feelings. It will help you processs everything. Take care.

[lizbeth4]

Thanks Vera for your post! No more careless spending for me. I do have a lovely home that is paid for and a nice car. I bought new furniture, TV’s, etc. I don’t regret helping my Daughter obtain a home. I think that I was shopping and buying things for myself and other’s instead of gambling and because it made me feel good at the time. I realize this now and I am on a mission to pay down the cards and build up my savings again. My credit score took a hit of 21 points because of my credit usage. It’s time to stop now before I get myself in big trouble. Vera, I live in a small, rural town now and counseling services are very limited here. My Grandson’ s sunburn is much better. It was a severe sunburn. Layers of skin peeled off! My Doctor recommended a over the counter antibiotic ointment. It took 5 days to for it to look normal. He was in a lot of pain and I gave him children’s Tylenol. In fact, he was ill for the first 3 days. I had him drink plenty of water so he wouldn’t get dehydrated. I was very upset about it. There is no excuse. I think it might leave a scar on his chin. I am just happy that he is better. Sunday he leaves for camp. He is excited. I am making sure that he takes plenty of sunblock with him and it was on his supply list from camp. I have been down lately. It is not just about my finances. It is more complexed. I know that I am stuck in a rut, socially. I feel the need to make some changes in my life. Sometimes it is a lot to think about.

[lizbeth4]

Thanks female g for your post! It’s time to retire the credit cards for awhile and watch my spending. I know how to live cheaply and there isn’t anything that I need. I have a roof over my head, food, etc… I will buckle down and get myself in a better place financially. Then I will be in a better place mentally. No gambling!!!!

[lizbeth4]

Hi Lost All Hope. I know right now that life feels hopeless. I felt the same way when I came to this site. Is there anyone that you feel that you can talk to? Someone who could be there for you? You may have to let things play out at work and face the consequences. You are not a bad person, you are a CG. We have all done things to gamble. I understand your concerns about your future. I am sending you good thoughts and vibs. I hope that everything works out for you. It’s never too late. Don’t give up on yourself.

[lizbeth4]

My Grandson and I went to the movies last night (minions) It was cute! I don’t know why but I feel so unmotivated lately. I feel like I have to come clean. Maybe I have been trading one addiction for another. I have maxed out most of my credit cards. I have been compulsively shopping. Buying things that I don’t need for me and others So after paying my monthly expenses and credit cards, money is tight. I have a little in savings. Between buying my home, My Daughter’s home, paying off all existing debts at the time and purchasing a car, most of it is gone. (Life insurance) I feel ashamed. I can pull myself out of this if I don’t gamble. Then why do I want to gamble? I can’t get into the gambling nightmare again. I had to make payment arrangements for the taxes that I owed. I need to be strong. I can get back on top financially. I have to say no to myself and other’s. What messes we create for ourselves. I feel better getting this off of my chest. Thanks for listening.

[lizbeth4]

Thanks cat! I try not to let the negative keep me down for long. I will keep working on being positive also. I had blood work done this morning, just routine. Nothing on the agenda for today. We might go to the movies. I invited my Cousin up for a few days next week. It will be fun!

[lizbeth4]

Thanks female g for your post. I think that I was just feeling overwhelmed yesterday. I worked through all the negativity and came out on the other side. My Grandson is doing better. His chin has peeled a lot, many layers of skin. I called my doctor and she recommended a over the counter ointment. I am giving him Tylenol for the pain. He hasn’t complained much but it has to hurt. My Mom sat with him this morning while I had my hair cut and went to the store to pick up the remaining items he needs for camp. I have had no gambling thoughts today. Yeah!

[lizbeth4]

My Grandson and I made it home. I am feeling down and discouraged today! It is because of many things. My Daughter and I had a little spat and she became very aggressive and mean with me. She apologized over and over again and said it was stress related. That sounds like a cop out to me. I have forgave her but it deeply hurt me. My ex son in law let my Grandson get severely sunburned at the lake this last weekend. No excuses! I come home and my Mom calls me with some negative b.s. She has no empathy for me but wants me to listen to her crap. I guess I am just feeling down from all of the negativity. I am going to fix a nice dinner for my Grandson and I and relax. I could dwell in all of this negativity and get myself real depressed but I’m not going to! I probably would have gambled today if I didn’t have my Grandson with me. I am feeling very weak and vulnerable right now. I need to pick myself up and move forward.

[lizbeth4]

Cat, thanks so much for your post. Everything you say makes sense to me. I did need some comfort and you provided that for me. I am not attending to my spiritual self. I do put myself last. I keep saying that I am going to church and don’t. What am I afraid of? I have lived in my home for 1 year and 8 months and have only made 1 friend . (Whom I don’t see often as she is married) I have to get over this roadblock in my head so I can move forward. I am picking my Grandson up tomorrow and he is spending 1 more week with me. Then he is going to church camp for 1 week with a friend. This will be his first time away by himself. My girls always loved church camp every summer. After my time in the city during August, I will be home to stay for awhile. I am going to get back on track with the gym and my diet as I need to lose 17 pounds. I need to concentrate on myself. Today was spent with my Mom. It’s hard to stay positive around someone so negative. Sometimes I just want to scream, “STOP”! It’s so draining being around her. The farmer’s market was awesome. I was able to tune out her negative comments! LOL! Of course she wanted to go to the casino. She never listens to what I am saying to her. She is getting very demanding and more self centered. I did not gamble! I felt like it as the urges were strong. I am home now and feeling content.

[lizbeth4]

Hi cat! I needed to bring your thread up to the top so I could respond to your post on my thread. I am sorry to hear that your Husband was in the hospital. I am glad that he is feeling better. We both seem to put ourselves last. I totally agree with you that I am not attending to my spiritual self. I need to go to church. I know it would be beneficial for me. I love that your sweet Grandbaby is your guardian angel. I can’t imagine how hard it has been for you to lose a Grandchild. I feel blessed everyday that my Grandson is in my life. He will be my only Grandchild, but he is enough. Thanks for your concerns and advice. Take care of yourself also.

[lizbeth4]

I am so happy to see your post cat! I do forgive myself for gambling. I haven’t had any problems with cash in the past. I was feeling down and I let the urges take over. I have been weepy today. I have thought of my Husband all day. You are right, he would tell me to let go and move on. Just really sucks as I thought we would grow old together. I am ashamed that I griped about the little things he did that irritated me. I wish he was here irritating me right now. We knew everything about each other. No secrets! I knew that I was loved unconditionally. I don’t think that I will find that kind of relationship again. So I need to realize that and accept it. I know the things that I need to do to make my life more fulfilling. I am just stuck mentally right now. Thanks again cat! Your words have really helped me see things differently. I will forgive myself but put more barriers in place so I don’t gamble again. My Husband is my Guardian Angel! That does bring me peace.

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