[lizbeth4]

I am sitting here thinking! My Grandson is sleeping. I am thinking about going home. Yes, I am ready. I want to go back to the gym, back to cooler weather. I do miss my Mom. But I miss being needed as I am here. I will miss my Grandson. We have had a lot of bonding time. Kids are so honest. He loves me unconditionally. I will miss him! Gambling thoughts have been entering my head as the time nears me going home. I know that I need to form a life for myself. I know that I am worth it. I just want to get through these urges and move forward. I need to look within and do the right thing.

[lizbeth4]

Thanks Lorraine for your post. It was raw, true, and honest. I hope that you find peace in your life! It took awhile for me to forgive myself and let the past go. It is the only way that I could be free. I pray that one day you can be free!

[lizbeth4]

Thanks Vera for your suggestions. My Daughter just text me saying that she has it figured out. She’ll be home on Sunday. I am ready to go home. My Grandson and I just got home from some light grocery shopping. Staying in for the weekend. Maybe we will do a little swimming.

[lizbeth4]

Just sitting here thinking. My Grandson is still sleeping. Although my Daughter is starting a new job on Monday, there are issues with the time she will be getting off of work. The after school karate camp closes at 6pm and her day finishes at 6pm. Her boyfriend will help pick up my Grandson but he is starting school soon to get his master’s degree. There will be days that he can’t pick him up. Her ex isn’t going to help as he is moving soon. I have looked into other after school programs and there are few that stay open that late or they are too costly. Reluctantly, I am going to have to live in the city part time so I can help. Don’t get me wrong, I don’t mind helping but it’s hard not to be home. My Daughter has to work and my Grandson can’t stay alone! Just feeling a little overwhelmed I guess. I’ll get over it.

[lizbeth4]

Meeting the teacher night went well. My Grandson’s father came. He was a little standoffish towards me. I invited him to go for gelato with us and he went. He didn’t have much to say. I will do anything for my Grandson. He was happy that his Dad was there. I have learned during my recovery that you are never going to figure someone out or always going to agree them. I don’t want conflict and I don’t always have to voice my opinions. Sometimes it’s good to be silent.

[lizbeth4]

Hi kpat. It was awesome that you were able to buy a car for your son and to be able to pay for repairs. I used to hope that nothing would happen because we never had extra money as I would gamble it all away. The stress and sleepless nights we cause ourselves. Life is better without gambling!

[lizbeth4]

Yesterday a miracle happened. My Grandson’s father picked him up from karate camp and he spent the night at his apartment. He brought him home this morning on his way to work. It meant so much to my Grandson. We’ve had a laid back day. Ordered pizza for lunch and have been watching TV. We are going to meet his teacher and drop off his school supplies this evening. I reminded his Dad. Hopefully he will be there too! Going out for gelato afterwards! Yummy! No gambling urges. Thankful, as gambling would mess everything up. I want my Grandson to have memories of he and I long after I am gone. I have the sweetest memories of my Grandmother, 22 years after she left this earth.

[lizbeth4]

The new water heater was installed! Yeah!! My Grandson went to karate camp today. He wanted to be with his friends. I am going to go through his old clothing and make a donation bag for the things that don’t fit him and get some laundry done before I pick him up. The meeting between my Daughter and her ex was very strange. He thinks my Grandson is too sheltered and wants to toughen him up. My Grandson would be a latch key child with 2 hours before and after school spent alone if he lived with him. Now, He is dropped off at school and picked up from school by the karate academy he has attended for 3 years. He is always with family or family friends. Of course my Daughter told him that he wasn’t living with him. She wondered why he seldom sees him as he lives only 5 miles away. He is now moving 50 miles away. He had no answer. He said he would try harder but the whole month of August he is busy. The counselor said that taking my Grandson out of his environment would not be good for him and that his Dad needs to make a effort to see him and be in his life. I guess it got a little heated between them and my Daughter told him that they could go to court and have a judge decided what was best and he backed down. I don’t understand what he wants? He text my Daughter later after the meeting and told her that there was a birthday party that he wanted his son to go to this weekend but she would have to take him as he was busy. My Daughter didn’t respond! It has been very stressful here. My Grandson knows nothing about the meeting. My Daughter will have to continue on parenting alone. I hope he comes to his senses!

[lizbeth4]

Thanks Vera for your post. I feel like my Husband is always watching over me too! My Daughter got the job! She starts next Monday. Her boyfriend is taking her to San Diego for a few days so it will be my Grandson and I. Last night the water heater started leaking. She needs a new water heater and the home warranty will pay for it. They won’t pay for the new lines, hauling away, etc. Which comes to $300. Her boyfriend is paying for it. They will be installing it tomorrow. Hopefully the rest of my stay will be stress free! My Daughter and her ex are having their counseling appointment tomorrow evening concerning my Grandson. He doesn’t want help, he wants to lash out at my Daughter and in hurting his son he hurts her. Very sad and disturbing. No gambling thoughts. Very tired though. Going to bed early tonight.

[lizbeth4]

Hi Cat. I do believe that it was a sign from your Mom. She was reassuring you that everything is going to be alright for you. You are facing a big change in your life, retirement. I am more busy now than when I was working. The best part is that you can decide what fills your day! I am still learning that I have no control over others and situations. I have control only over myself and how I react to others. I am doing a lot better with this but still have some things to learn. In the end, I think our happiness and well being should be number 1 for us. Then everything else will fall into place. Take care Cat.

[lizbeth4]

I must say that despite all of the stressful things that are going on here around me, I haven’t thought of gambling! I am present and able to be here for my Daughter and Grandson That’s the way it should be. I am grateful I am not gambling! I know that everything is going to be alright with my Daughter job wise and I am very hopeful that my Daughter and her ex will be able to talk and work through things for the sake of my Grandson. It’s going to be a good day!

[lizbeth4]

Today was a better day. I took my Grandson shopping and purchased new clothing and shoes for school. Tomorrow we will go shopping for school supplies. I made tacos for dinner. We haven’t heard from my Daughter’s ex. I wish he would seek help for his mental disorder. He and my Daughter have a appointment on Tuesday with their family counselor. Hopefully they can sort out some of the issues that are bothering him and can come to some resolution involving their son and co parenting. Mental illness is hard to deal with when the person who has it refuses to seek help for medications that could help them. His mood swings and depression affects my Grandson but he doesn’t seem to get it. It’s sad to see as it is pushing my Grandson further from his Dad. I just want to reassure my Grandson that none of this is his fault. He told my Grandson that he was going to move and take him (to another town, very far from my Daughter’s home), and without my Daughter’s knowledge. When my Grandson told his Mommy, he basically had a anxiety attack and freaked out, crying and hyperventilating. She calmed him down and learned of the story and assured him that he wasn’t going anywhere. It was painful to watch. I was upset and angry that he put his son through such pain. My Daughter is a good Mom and my Grandson is very close with her. They are each other’s life’s. My Daughter’s boyfriend is a good person and involves my Grandson in everything. My Grandson adores him. You would think that his Dad would be happy that there is someone else in his life who cares about him. This behavior is putting a wedge between him and I. I don’t like how he is treating my Daughter and Grandson. Plus he gets very angry and lashes out. I have tolerated and forgave this behavior over and over for my Grandson’s sake. He has been seeing my Grandson less and less but wants him to live with him? He is trying to hurt my Daughter but all of this is hurting his son. Very sad!! Well today was nice and calm here. I am hoping tomorrow is the same!

[lizbeth4]

Hi Elise, I am glad that you found this site. Many people don’t recognize compulsive gambling as a disease. Compulsive Gambling ruins lifes. It affects us both mentally and physically. I’m sorry that you felt misunderstood at rehab. You are understood here. We all have our stories. We all battle our gambling addiction. Please keep posting and reading other’s threads. You are not alone. I would recommend GA meetings and putting up barriers such as limiting cash excess, banning from casinos and using this site! Stay strong. Take care.

[lizbeth4]

My Daughter just left for work. She told me that I helped her feel better as I had her laughing this morning. Today is her last day at work. She has a interview on Monday with the company which she does freelance work for. She will be doing new things and she will be making more money. I think the change will be good for her. It’s just scary! I have her back and her boyfriend does too. Other things are going on concerning her ex (my Grandsons Dad) His depression and bipolar disorder are out of control. He won’t take his medication. He was calling her yesterday, making threats that he was going to take their son away from her. He is jealous that she has a boyfriend. He had a girlfriend but the relationship ended. Anyways, she was dealing with a lot and then he started his rant. On top of this, there was a plumbing issue at the house. Her boyfriend was able to fix it. I was glad that I was here for her. Hopefully today will be better! LOL! Not gambling does have it’s payoff. I was able to be present for my Daughter.

[lizbeth4]

Thanks P for your post! Yesterday was very emotional. My oldest Daughter was told that the small company that she works for may have to close down if they don’t get more business soon. Luckily the woman who she does freelance work for said she would hire her full time anytime. Change isn’t easy but is usually good She does have choices I picked my youngest Daughter for lunch and she didn’t look good. She is sill living in a friend’s garage with her boyfriend. It’s sad to see but she needs to decide to change her life. I’m going to dinner with my Sister tonight Hoping today is less stressful!

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