[lizbeth4]

Thanks FG for your post. Sorry for the loss of your Mother. That must have been a hard and difficult time for you. I have had toxic relationships before and have distanced myself. I don’t know if I think that I should be loyal to my Mom even though she causes me so much pain. I think I am in the same rut with my Mom again. We are with each other too much. I have explained this to her but she is becoming more dependent on me. She can function on her own but doesn’t want to. I will let a few days go by before making contact with her again. Then I will set my boundaries. again and stick with them. It is like she sucks the life out of me. So much negativity, complaining and judging. Every time we have conflict she tells me that it is my fault and belittles me. Enough, I am allowing her to behave this way. I can’t see myself having a normal life if I let this continue. I want to gamble badly. I am doing everything possible to refrain.

[lizbeth4]

Thanks for your honest thread. I could relate to a lot that you said. Keep living a gamble free life!

[lizbeth4]

I am so upset with myself! No, I didn’t gamble. I lost my temper with my Mom and told her what I thought. Something wasn’t going the way that she wanted it (control) and she started picking me apart. I have dealt with this since childhood. Although I have tried to have honest talks with her because I thought it might strengthen our relationship, she continues her old ways. Although I never raised my voice yesterday, she screamed at me and said horrible things to me. Of course there is no talking to someone like that. I retreated to my home. She keeps wondering why family members have little to no interaction with her. Of course she finds a reason, none of it her fault, to justify this. She hangs up on me while I am talking on the phone to her and doesn’t make eye contact with me when we talk. She looks down or away. Very controlled and rude. She doesn’t have dementia because she doesn’t treat other people this way. I had very strong gambling urges the rest of the day. I didn’t act on them. I kept looking at my 2 year plan and budget. I’m not going to mess my plans up. I am worth a debt free, gamble free life! I have met a friend while on my daily walks. She has invited me over for dinner with her and her husband. We walk and talk. We seem to have a lot in common. It’s a start.

[lizbeth4]

FG, Awesome news! It is very stressful selling and buying homes. I am envious that your Daughter will be living so close to you. Enjoy!

[lizbeth4]

My Grandson’s birthday party was awesome! I enjoyed myself. My Mom had a good time also. We made it back home before it was completely dark. It was a day of happiness and total fun!!

[lizbeth4]

Thanks for posting! I have thought of you and wondered how you were doing. I’m glad the holidays were enjoyable for you. Your Daughter will be fine. She seems to have self confidence and faith within herself. I will be praying that she lands a job soon. I am optimistic about this year also! May we stay gamble free and reach some of our resolutions! Take care.

[lizbeth4]

Today I am going to the city for my Grandsons birthday party! I invited my Mom and she wants to go. I was shocked but happy. There will be kids and my Daughter’s close circle of friends. We will come back home this evening.

[lizbeth4]

Hi P I love your honesty. Yes you have gambled but you have always came back and started again. I think that is hard for a lot of people. Hence, someone posts a few times and we never hear from them again. I have done a lot of soul seaching the last 2 weeks and I had to be brutally honest with myself. That said, there are no more excuses that I can make or anyone else I have to blame. I think that when we take full responsibility for our actions, things start to come into place. Sometimes I hear things here that I don’t want to hear, but I always know it is because it needs to be said. I get so much from your posts. We are like a family here. I hope that everyone can beat their gambling addiction. We both know that it isn’t easy but that we are worth the fight. Keep posting P. I am always in your corner.

[lizbeth4]

Hi Jason. Good on your gamble free time! Sometimes we have to change our plans so they are more conducive for our lives. I am paying debts off also but I agree with you about creating a savings nest also. May be you can double up on payments once you have some savings again. I hope you can find a job that you like. Everything will come together for you. Keep going.

[lizbeth4]

Thanks Vera and FG for your posts. I have never expected much support from most of my family members on any issues. In fact, my Mom knows about my gambling problem and has said that she has a gambling problem but wanted me to go to the casino with her yesterday. Instead of going through my CG speech, I just said no and left it at that. The one family member who has been supportive has some issues in her life right now so I wouldn’t burden her with mine. That’s why I continue to come here. Only other CG’s can totally understand. I have done a lot of soul searching and I am mentally feeling stronger. I am putting financial plans into place. I have many projects lined up for myself to keep me busy. I have been through a lot the last few years and I have made it through and I am in a good place. I am strong. This is just another challenge to face and conquer.

[lizbeth4]

Today is my Grandsons 10th birthday. I feel so blessed to have such a awesome child in my life. I am full of gratitude and happiness. Life is good!

[lizbeth4]

Hi Geordie. Thank goodness that you came out of the coma! Wow, that must of been scary. There is a reason that you are still here. Geordie, you have been so supportive of others here including me. Now, you need to lean on us a little and let us support you. We keep coming back because we are not ready to give up on ourselves. We all have something to give to the world. Stay here and keep posting. It will get better!

[lizbeth4]

Thanks Vera for your post. I have printed up a monthly budget (realistic) and it involves monthly savings also. I already have a savings account. I am not going to use any credit cards and I am going to live more simply. I am not in a desperate state yet! These are realistic goals that I can achieve. I am on a 2 year plan. I can pay off my debt (credit cards and 2 small loans) and should have a significate amount in my savings. It is all about self determination. As far as the gambling is concerned, it has to stop now! It is too easy to get caught up in it and let it get out of control. I dabbled for the last few months. What did I get out of it? No excitement, little return, stress, feelings of depression and self hate. Life isn’t meant to be spent in the casino. I continue to make plans for different things to do. I guess for me the hard part is that I have no one on one support. My family and friends don’t get it and there are no support groups here. They seem to come and go. I have to rely on GT and the good people here. I will keep fighting as I am worth it.

[lizbeth4]

So, I just read P’s recent post and it hit home for me. The last few months I have gambled 5 times. Why? I haven’t lost huge amounts but enough for me to feel depressed with myself. My credit card use (not for gambling) the last 2 years has been out of control so gambling on top of that is stressful and ridiculous. I know the steps to take to stop. I am on board again. I also printed out budget sheets so I can get my finances under control and become debt free. Luckily, I have more money coming in than going out. I will not give up on myself. Today is a new day. The future looks awesome.

[lizbeth4]

Hi P. I totally can relate to your post. After over 5 years here, I feel like I make some progress than regress. I know one thing, We can’t give up on ourselves. We must continue the fight. We need to let the past go and move forward. Live for today!

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