[lizbeth4]

Thanks Vera for your supportive post! I love both of my Daughters and although I haven’t agreed with all of their life choices, I don’t throw them up in their faces. My oldest Daughter keeps throwing my past mistakes up and in front of my Grandson. Very hurtful! It really concerns me that she thinks that it is alright to do that in front of him. I think she resents my Husband and I taking care of our Grandson the first 3 years of his life. That was not our choice. Both parents made bad life choices and if we hadn’t stepped in my Grandson would have been in foster care or worse. I did what I thought was the right thing to do. He and I have a strong bond, almost a parent/child bond and she resents that. My Grandson called me the other night. It was good to hear his voice. I am only contacting her about my Grandson. He is seeing the specialist tomorrow and I will call her to find out what is going on with him. I will keep my distance. I am no longer running to the city so she can go on weekend trips, ect…. I will see my Grandson on my own terms. I let myself get manipulated. Yes, it is my fault! But it stops now! She has no respect for me and I feel like it was all about what she could get from me monetarily. Sad but true! But we only let people treat us the way they do. It ends now! I love her but not the way she treats me. I am sorting out my expenses this month. I am a little short but I will survive. No gambling urges. I am doing some yard work and I have been reading a lot lately. I need to work on my spiritual self! I haven’t been going to church on a regular basis. Sunday, I am trying a new church in town. Looking forward to it!

[lizbeth4]

I am so happy for you! You are smart about finding a counselor to talk to and for doing it together as a couple. She will learn to trust you again. Hard work=no gambling! Keep it going!

[lizbeth4]

I am so happy for you! You are such a positive person. I do believe that once we make the efforts to live a gamble free life that good things do come into our lives! Your thread shows us that ! Keep going! Thanks for your post on my thread. I was feeling very down that day. I appreciate all the support I receive here! I don’t think that I could get far without it. Keep on your journey!

[lizbeth4]

Thank you so much for your post on my thread! I really needed to hear what you had to say! Your words brought many of my scattered thoughts together. “Gambling will never be able to satisfy whatever it is that I long for”, I love your quote. That is exactly how I feel. All we can do is keep trying and focusing on what we want out of life. No bonehocks for me!

[lizbeth4]

Thanks Ican for your post! It had a positive impact on me. My Daughter did send me this month’s house payment. I have decided in the future if she can’t pay it, she will have to move. I need to look out for myself. I understand about what you said about resentment. I think that she and I both
are feeling that. Whatever the outcome, I will love her. It is tricky mixing finances and family. It is a lesson learned for me. I do like the theory of a ZigZag rather than a relapse. I have forgiven myself. Now I am picking up the pieces. Everything will be paid but 2 credit cards. Which will be 2 weeks late. I have never been late on them before. I will make the double payments and late fees then. This is another lesson learned. The little amount of savings is in a account that I will get heavily penalized for if I withdraw it! So I’m not going to! Ican, I am still looking for the missing piece. I haven’t given up!

[lizbeth4]

I am in a funky mood. Maybe it’s the aftermath of my gambling. I am trying to stay positive and focused. I am trying to figure out my bills and lack of money. I will juggle things around and figure it out. This is the aftermath of this addiction. My beautiful Grandson called me yesterday. He is down about his broken wrists but is dealing with it. It was so good to hear his voice. He had received the card I had sent him with Star Wars stickers inside. It made me feel better.

[lizbeth4]

FG, That’s awesome about your eyesight I had a eye exam last year, I hadn’t had one in 20 years also. I graduated from reading glasses to my first pair of prescriptions. I know that I didn’t take care of myself while I was gambling Good for you for taking care of yourself. Our health should come first!

[lizbeth4]

Thanks Vera and FG for your posts! I woke in a more positive mood. I was devastated to find out about my Grandson’s broken wrists on FB I wasn’t called. That is what sent me in my tailspin. My Daughter wanted to get to me and she did. Tbey are not coming for Easter as they are going to her boyfriend’s family’s house for dinner. I understand but I feel her distancing herself from me. It hurts but life goes on. I will work out my financial issues this month. I am grateful to have friends who love me for myself not for what I have or don’t have. I have to live for today

[lizbeth4]

Thanks FG for your post! I think that counseling would do us both good. I called and talked to my Daughter this afternoon. I misunderstood, my Grandson is in full arm splints till next Wednesday when he sees the specialist. They want to let the swelling go down. He may have to have surgery (pin) on the right wrist. He is going to school half days as the pain is so bad even with Tylenol. He is hanging in there. Now for me, I gambled yesterday! It wasn’t good. I couldn’t stop myself. I did some damage. Enough where I am going to have a hard time paying my monthly bills. I cried all the way home. I didn’t sleep well last night, worrying and hating myself. I have been praying for God to give me the strength to recover from this and move forward. I cut up all my credit cards but one for emergencies and gave it to a friend to hold on to for me. I mailed it to her (city). I even confessed to her about my addiction. She told me that she loved me and that she would support me. That was so freeing not to be judged! I am going to do a debt consolidation plan for the remaining cards. This is ridiculous. I am missing something in my life. I need to find my inner peace. My friend here came over for lunch. I didn’t tell her about my problem. She is a frequent casino goer. I don’t know her well enough or long enough to confide in her. I feel freed but at the same time a little hopeless, depressed. It will pass and get better as I do the right things in my life.

[lizbeth4]

Thanks for your post Vera! I have cooled down and my Daughter has replied to my texts about my Grandson. He will be alright. I am sure he will be able to maneuver with both arms in casts as soon as the pain lessens. Kids are resilient. The most distressing thing about the disagreement or should I say my Daughter’s yelling is that my Grandson was present. I told her that I wasn’t going to participate in that behavior. I said my piece but she kept screaming. My Grandson was visibly upset. I comforted him and told him how much I loved him before I left. I didn’t see any reason to stay as she wasn’t going to stop. I feel like I have done all that I am going to do for her monetarily. I think that at this point a contract will only cause problems in her viewpoint. I do have the control as I can sell the property if needed. I am thinking that I should have the patio roof replaced at her house. It will cost me about $1000 but well worth it. She was supposed to have it done but didn’t. It’s in my best interest to do it. I don’t ask anyone to do anything for me and I take care of my business. She is in her late 30’s. I hope she grows up one of these days. The best thing is that I didn’t gamble, as I would of in the past and I have no urges.

[lizbeth4]

Hi everyone! The city trip was stressful and very disappointing. Sunday my Grandson broke both wrists during a fall. He is in double casts and a lot of pain. He will rebound! This is not his first broken bone. I came home early. I didn’t make it to the cancer walk as my oldest Daughter and I had a terrible disagreement. She has decided that it is her responsibility to tell me what I should do with my money and whom I should leave it to when I die. Yes, really! She is upset that I would leave half of my money and things to my youngest Daughter. Very selfish! Anyways, it is my money and I will do with it what I want. Also, she has no job since last Tuesday. She knew that the company was being sold. She has been saving her money and her boyfriend will help her out if needed. I asked the question, “can you pay the mortgage”? As the house loan is in my name because of her bad credit. I also put my money down on the house and paid all the closing costs. Oh my, she blew up on me. I thought it was a perfectly legitimate question to ask. She did give me the payment. Looking back, I should have had her sign a contract regarding the house. I didn’t think that I would have to worry, but her reaction tells me I do. She is also complaining as she thinks that I should pay for any fixes done to the house. I have paid the home warranty and the house is supposed to be hers when her credit is good and she can get a mortgage. Just a nasty mess! I haven’t gambled with all of this stress and I am proud of myself. I can’t gamble as I need to make sure that I can pay my bills and the house mortgage if she can’t. She has decided that she is going to draw unemployment and stay home with my Grandson for awhile. I guess she wants her boyfriend and I to take up the slack. Isn’t going to happen as I will sell the house if it comes to that point. She couldn’t even rent a home for what she pays for the mortgage. Entitlement, that’s the word that describes her! The good thing is that she is there to take care of my Grandson. I know this is a long post but I need to vent and release. I came home hurt and very disappointed! I am feeling much better after going to the gym this morning and being in my own environment. No gambling urges! So, I am dealing with this a lot better than I would have in the past! Progress!

[lizbeth4]

I made it to the city! I had breakfast with a dear friend and lunch with my youngest Daughter. I am picking my Grandson from karate and we are going out for dinner. A lite dinner for me . Too much food but good company. I now know why I love living in a small town, less people and traffic There are some things going on with my oldest Daughter which are causing me some stress I’ll talk about them later No gambling urges! Going on the cancer walk tomorrow Looking forward to it!

[lizbeth4]

Thanks Vera for your post It gives me a lot to think about I was raised by guilt and control by my Mom. My siblings and I were brought into domestic abuse (verbal) by her towards my step father She also verbally abused us and sometimes physically lashed out at us My Grandmother who lived across the street from us was my saviour She treated me with kindness and love I guess I learned to take the blame for my family’s dysfunction My Mom and Sister still play the same game Everyone else is wrong They take no responsibilty for their actions I do distance myself and I do have boundaries This is something that I work on! Thanks for mentioning my youngest daughter She broke up with her boyfriend of 8 years because of his verbal abuse She is living with friends She is struggling with her drug addiction I pray for her also

[lizbeth4]

Feeling much better today! My head feels clearer and I am thinking more rationally I totally believe that I can always improve myself and my life I used to always blame myself for all of my family problems and dysfunctions It really bothered me how my Sister acted when she visited I guess I take things personally Then I came to the realization that my Sister will act the way she does regardless of how it affects others Between online help and self help books I am learning that you have to let go of or distance yourself of the people who bring hurt to your life, including family I think that I have taken this hurt and turned it into negative and destructuive thoughts that have not been good for my life Time to make changes Time to stop making excuses for bad behavior Time to say that I am worthy of good and healthy relationships Time to live a happy life!

[lizbeth4]

Day 2 of a sore throat and not feeling well I am resting and watching TV I finally got up and put a load into the washer I am going to the city on Friday thru Monday It is the big cancer walk Also, I will have some time with family and friends I decided to have my taxes re-done professionally I may have missed something I am less worried as I can make payments on what is due No gambling for me! I must stick to my budget . Things will get better!

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