[lizbeth4]

Okay, I lost what I was typing, so I will start over! I am feeling better emotionally today. I made the decision to a debt settlement on my cards and loans. I will save $450 per month and it will be paid off in 9 months. Looking back I should of had someone help me with my finances while I was grieving my Husband’s death. I am finally coming out of the fog now, 3 years after his death. I can’t go back and change things. I can only learn and move forward. I haven’t spoken to my Mother since Monday afternoon when she threw her tantrum. I need to put some space and time between us. She said some terrible things to me and brought my oldest Daughter’s name into her rant. Anything that I confided with her she threw up into my face. I couldn’t get out of there fast enough! LOL!!! Anyways I was thinking, I wouldn’t let a friend or stranger talk to me the way she does. I don’t know if our relationship will recover from her last stunt. I have decided if it doesn’t, I am alright with that. I don’t want to leave and sell my home. That would be my last resort. I will have to see what happens. These manic outbursts have happened all my life. Sometimes you have to say enough! I did tell her that she needed to get help for her anger issues. I have been a good Daughter to her. Maybe my Sister can step up and take over. Just a thought. No gambling urges at all. I am ready to take control of my life. I may have to go the city for counseling. I will if I can’t find someone here that my insurance will cover.

[lizbeth4]

It was good tos see your post! Happy early birthday! Hang in there! There is so much that we can do for our adult children. Sometimes we have to let them fall! Sad but true. At this stage of our lifes we need to start thinking about ourselves. Who else will? I’m glad that you are adjusting to your new insulin pump. Sorry to hear how stressful work is for you. I wil pray that you get some new accounts! Glad that you are going to meetings and haven’t gambled for 3 weeks. No wonder that you are tired There is a lot going on in your life. Hope you can find some peacd and time for yourself. Take care!

[lizbeth4]

Hi Bettie, I had to bring you back up to the top! I have been thinking of you! I hope all is well with you. Please post when you have the time. Take care.

[lizbeth4]

So, I have taken a few steps this morning to get out of debt. First, I canceled every thing that I don’t need, little luxuries that were adding up to over $100 per month. Secondly, I cut up all my credit cards but 2, my Home Depot and one Visa card. Thirdly, I am going to take the next 3 days to decide if I want to do a debt consolidation program for my remaining cards. It will hurt my credit but it is already suffering. It’s not like I am going to buy another home or car soon. I did a online application and it would save me over $200 a month. Something to think about. I am feel better by taking the reins and doing something about my problem. Gambling and compulsive spending have led me here! Time to dig out and move forward!!

[lizbeth4]

Thanks Kpat for your post. I am going to a new church this Sunday! I’m hoping to connect with other people. I truly believe that is what I need in my life. I have lost my joy. My Grandson doesn’t have to have a pin put in his right wrist. Yah! He is now in full arm casts for 3 weeks. My Mother and I haven’t had any communication since Monday. I have decided that I will see her twice a week when we start talking again. Nothing ever gets resolved and it always ends with her unleashing her anger towards me. I can only take so much. I am far from perfect but I try to do the right things in life. I feel like I have set up myself as a punching bag. A lot of things have happened because I allowed them to. I am taking a step back from my Daughter and Mother and rethinking what kind of relationships I want with them. It’s rough when you don’t have any support from your family. I could sit and cry and feel sorry for myself but I refuse to! I hurt myself with gambling! That is going to stop! I’ve caused enough damage the last 2 times I gambled that I now have very little left after monthly expenses. Very dumb move. I will work through this and come out the better.

[lizbeth4]

Hi Kpat, It was good to see your post! Well done on your gamble free time. Your Son will come around. He is young and testing the waters. Takde care.

[lizbeth4]

Thanks FG for your post. I’ve suspected that my Mother is bipolar. I’ve thought this for years. It is only getting worse. She will never get counselng as she thinks she doesn’t have a problem. How one person could be full of such hate and anger is scary. The verbal abuse is too much for me. I don’t think I can deal with it anymore. She is a ticking time bomb. I am going to really limit my interactions with her. No more gym, 5 mornings a week. Maybe I will see her once a week. She told me that she doesn’t even like me. Then she brought up things that I told her in confidence and made fun of them. I’ve never had someone be so hateful and mean to me. Anyways, I know that gambling isn’t the answer. Self-care is what I need to do for myself. It’s time to heal.

[lizbeth4]

Thanks Vera for your caring post. A dear friend of mine called today. It’s like God answered my prayers. We talked and prayed and I am feeling much better now. My family won’t go to counseling. I have suggest it before. But I am going to go to counseling for myself. I am blessed to have a few friends who are my family and who are there for me and who love me. I won’t make any hasty decisions concerning moving. I’ve made plans for this weekend. Saturday, I am going to our local community garden and I am taking a (free) gardening class. Sunday, I am going to a new church. I am excited. I gambled thinking that I could escape from my problem but we know that isn’t how it works! I have forgiven myself and I’m ready to move forward.

[lizbeth4]

Thanks for your post FG! I blew it tonight and gambled! I am using destruactive behavior to punish myself for my sucky life! I came home today because my Mom had a cardiologist appointment which I took her to and to get a chest xray. I got no thank you, just a terrible attitude. When I got her home she kicked me out of her house and told me she was through with me. She threw things at me. She lost it and I don’t know why. She said horrible things to me. I am broken. I need to fix a few things around here and I am seriously thinking about selling my house and moving. It’s no excuse for gambling. I put that on myself. I had a choice. I feel all alone. I feel like my Mom needs help with her anger issues but I have no support from my Sister. I don’t want to become angry and bitter like my Mom. This can’t continue. Everytime she has a outburst, a piece of me dies. This stressful situation is changing me and not for the good. I feel hopeless right now!

[lizbeth4]

Thank you Vera for your kind words. A little piece of me died when my Husband died. I havd no choice but to go on. Sometimes it’s really hard. I miss so many things about him. But I feel him around me all the time. My Daughter and her boyfriend will be back today from their camping/hiking trip. My Grandson is doing well. Last night he had a little breakdown when he was telling me how hard it is to be in 2 arm casts. My heart broke. He is handling it well for being a child. He doesn’t complain or whin. I am just enjoying my alone time with him. He is so sweet, smart and beautiful. I am going home tomorrow. My Mom has a cardiologist appointment in the afternoon. We think that some of the wiring used to keep her breastbone together has come undonr. We need to find out whats going on and what can be done to fix it. No gambling urges for me. Keeping busy!

[lizbeth4]

Hi neuroload I wish you well in residential rehab. It’s never too late for recovery. Please keep us updated on your journey. Take care!

[lizbeth4]

This is the 3rd anniversary of my Husband’s death. I miss his humor and sweetness. He loved his family first. He was the most awesome Grandfather. I will be with him again someday. RIP.

[lizbeth4]

Thanks Vera for your post! My Daughter called asking for my help. She wanted a little break. So, I am in the city for the weekend hanging out with my Grandson. He is such a trooper. Being with him is awesome! Hope everyone has a great weekend!

[lizbeth4]

Thanks Vera for your thoughts and prayers. My Grandson’s procedure went well this morning. He and I talked this morning and he was making me laugh! What a special child. I am so blessed to have him in my life. I have been more positive this week. I made it to the gym everyday. Everything in my yard is blooming! It is beautiful! Enjoying life.

[lizbeth4]

My Daughter called today and my Grandson is having surgery on his right wrist (to straighten 2 broken bones) tomorrow. He will stay in the splints for another week. He may need another surgery then to place a pin in the bones if it doesn’t heal right. After that he will be in full arm casts for 3 weeks and then regular casts. He is going to have a bone density test to determine if there is a problem there. I am not going down as my Daughter said that her boyfriend would be with her. She asked if I would come some later time. I am sure that she will need a break as my Grandson can do little for himself. She was genuinely upset and concerned about him going under anesthetic . I tried to comfort her. My Grandson is understandably upset. Please keep him in your thoughts!

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