[lizbeth4]

Maverick, Thank you for your post! My Husband and Grandmother are always with me. So I’m not alone! I’ve had many experiences regarding them. Things a lot of people either wouldn’t believe or would make them think that I’m very strange. So i will just leave it like that. I went and saw my Granddaughter today. I played with her and acted silly. It helped release some stress. She looks at me and sees Nana, not this sad person, insignificant person. I know that only I can change how I feel. No one else can do that for me. It’s easy to stay stuck but I’m trying to move forward. I was so tired this afternoon so I curled up on the couch and slept a few hours. I feel like my mind is clearer. Tomorrow is a new day. I’m not gambling!

[lizbeth4]

Maverick, Your post on my thread was very powerful and caring. I’m feeling a little better. I hope everything is going to be alright regarding your scan. Take care.

[lizbeth4]

Today I’m feeling so low and depressed. Honestly, I’ve been feeling this way for the last couple of weeks. Even the people closest to me don’t even notice. There’s no connection there! Sometimes I feel so alone and isolated. I feel like just giving up ! I feel like I’m just spinning my wheels. But something inside of me won’t give up! So there still a little spark inside of me.

[lizbeth4]

Vera, The urges did subside! We just arrived home. The party was fun. My Grandson is taller than me. Which is no surprise as he is going to be very tall like his parents. He is 12 years old now and on the cusp of being a teen. My youngest Daughter had fun. Just to think that 9 Months ago my Daughters didn’t even talk to one another. A lot has changed and my Granddaughter has helped pull our family together. My Grandson loves his baby cousin and is so gentle with her. She was sent to us!!! I believe in miracles. No gambling for me!

[lizbeth4]

Monicau, Thanks for your support and prayers! I’m leaving soon for the city and I plan to stay strong and enjoy my family today. I’m sure it was hard to finally tell Pete that he had to leave but wasn’t it freeing for you? He has plenty of time to make plans for himself. In the end, it’s provably healthy for him to move forward with his life also. I’m happy that your son is moving in with you. I just think it will be a more healthy environment for you. Progress!

[lizbeth4]

Thanks Monicau for your support and prayers. I have barriers in place and my youngest Daughter is helping me with accountability. I’ve never gambled online. But there are other forms of gambling besides casinos that I’ve abused: scratch tickets, lotto tickets. These are very addicting. I haven’t bought any for years. Just having these overwhelming thoughts in my head is irritating. I’m choosing to focus on my Grandson and my family today. The urges and thoughts will pass. PS: I feel like I can be very resourceful when needed. My cell phone (which I just paid off) wasn’t holding a charge. I can’t afford another phone right now but I don’t have a landline. I went online and troubleshooted the problem and I’ve fixed it!! Yeah !

[lizbeth4]

Thanks Monicau for your support and prayers. I have barriers in place and my youngest Daughter is helping me with accountability. I’ve never gambled online. But there are other forms of gambling besides casinos that I’ve abused: scratch tickets, lotto tickets. These are very addicting. I haven’t bought any for years. Just having these overwhelming thoughts in my head is irritating. I’m choosing to focus on my Grandson and my family today. The urges and thoughts will pass. PS: I feel like I can be very resourceful when needed. My cell phone (which I just paid off) wasn’t holding a charge. I can’t afford another phone right now but I don’t have a landline. I went online and troubleshooted the problem and I’ve fixed it!! Yeah !

[lizbeth4]

I’m getting ready to travel to the city for my Grandsons birthday party. It’s about a 1 1/2 hour drive one way. We will be traveling back after dark. I’m not crazy about it as it is mountain roads but it is doable. The last few days I’ve been struggling with my recovery. It’s been a battle in my head. I’m really trying to do the right thing as I will loathe myself if I gamble and put things into jeopardy if I use money tagged for bills. I’m fighting hard right now! Please pray for me. There is no way that I will be able today so I’m hoping the urges will subside soon.

[lizbeth4]

Thanks Kathryn for your post! I’m going to bed way too early as it is dark here by 6pm. So I’m waking in the wee hours of the morning. Today, I have some bills to pay and rake up the front yard from the windy storm the other night. I have a HOA so I need to keep up on everything. Today will be another gamble free day!

[lizbeth4]

Laura, Thanks for your support! I do feel proud of myself! It is a good feeling. I went over my finances and cut back on some of my monthly payments and I juggled, I think I will be able to make all of my bills the next few months. Yes, it will be tight but I can do It! Surprisingly, a cashiers check was in the mail today for the mortgage payment, which I’ve already paid. I’ve asked my youngest Daughter to deposit it for me tomorrow. I am going to treat my Daughter and myself to Chinese food on the way home Saturday from the birthday party. I know a inexpensive place that has good food. I hardly ever eat out and we don’t have any Chinese restaurants here. Little things! No gambling =happy life!

[lizbeth4]

Thanks Laura for your post! It made me feel good that you are proud of me. I value your opinions and you’ve had many good suggestions for me. Have a great day!

[lizbeth4]

I have a few minutes to journal my thoughts before my day begins. Fear and stress just add to your anxiety. Sometimes we have to let go and give it to God. That’s what I’m experiencing now. I have a few extra yearly bills due in the next 2 months. I can’t stretch my money that far. I’m figuring out what else I can cut back on. Is there any bills I can juggle? I have a few more things I can sell but these items have sentimental value to me. But they are only things. Today I am going to be grateful for being gamble free, having good health and many things I take for granted. It’s going to work out. I do have faith.

[lizbeth4]

Vera, Thanks for your post! I can’t make over a certain amount or it will affect my pension but I’ll never meet that working part time. I’m more worried about being in a higher tax bracket. It would have to be in town. No long commutes. If I wanted that, I would move back to the city. I think my friendship will be over as she isn’t interested in going to the movies or really doing anything. That’s ok. I can make more friends. My choices in my price range were limited when I bought my home. A fake fireplace would work but it will have to wait till I’m in a better position financially. This year I will have 2 small loans paid off. I’m paying very high interest rates. Then more money will be freed for savings. Vera, I feel like I’ve been taken advantage of in the past but I would not go back and change what I was able to do to help others. It’s another lesson learned. You’re right, not gambling is our biggest asset.

[lizbeth4]

Thanks Kathryn for your post! My Granddaughter is taking a little nap so I have time to jot a few thoughts. I’ve figured out that I can work on Fridays, Saturdays and Sundays as I babysit the other days. I’m not sure of the specifics yet. Looking at the ads and thinking of placing my own ad. ???? A little bit more money coming in would help. I will figure it out. I told my friend here that I’ve banned myself and I won’t be gambling. We will see if the friendship will survive. It rained today and is very cold here. I wish I had bought a home with a fireplace. Maybe next winter, I can buy a fake one. I’m still feeling better. Mentally, I think that I’m in a better place than I’ve been for a long time. I’m seeing things clearer and I know that gambling can’t be in my life. I finally have faith in myself.

[lizbeth4]

Hi alliesmum, You’ve made giant strides in not gambling. Closing bank account, diverting your pay into Husband’s account, cutting up bank card, talking to your Mother. Reaching out when you are having urges is smart. Keep posting! Stay strong! Have a great gamble free day!

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