[lizbeth4]

Monicau, People in the US can get Medicare and full Social security at age 65 but a lot of people work into their 70’s. I am happy where I live, a rural small town. I lived in a large city till my Husband died. I have a small yard where I can have a small garden and I have a pond across from my house and get to see a lot of wildlife. I would be miserable in the city and it wouldn’t solve any of my problems. My Mother is 80 and in good health. She lives down the street from me. Longevity runs in my family for the women. Most have lived into their 90’s. I want the rest of my years not to be ruled by gambling. My 3rd creditor isn’t working with me. I will be able to pay everything next month but them. 1 payment is doeable but not 2. I will face the consequences. I feel better as the days go by after my last gambling episode. I’m going to be alright.

[lizbeth4]

Hi Maverick. I brought you back up to the top of the page. Please post so we can know how you are doing. Take care.

[lizbeth4]

Hi Bedder, Welcome to this site. I’m a compulsive gambler. The first step is admitting that you have a problem and you’ve also told your Wife which is a big step. You need to ban yourself from gambling sites and let your Wife control the money and bank cards. Keep posting here and reading others posts. There are online support groups here also. It will take time to regain your Wife’s trust but you will in time. Stay strong. Keep posting!

[lizbeth4]

So I’ve talked to 2 creditors and they’ve lowered my payments for next month. The 3rd creditor hasn’t replied to my email (The way they want to be contacted). This is the last time I juggle money because of my gambling. I’ve really been thinking hard about my years of gambling and how I’ve hurt a lot of people in my life. I feel so much shame and sadness because this addiction is so intense and destructive. No more! I can’t gamble anymore. I want to live a good life!

[lizbeth4]

Monicau, I read your posts and I know that what you are going through could happen to any of us here. If I keep gambling my finances, relationships and health will suffer. I’m not getting any younger and the stress of all of this is starting to take a toll on me. Yesterday I told my youngest Daughter about my last gambling episode and she replied that I should sell my home and move in with my oldest Daughter. ???? I don’t know how that would solve my issues. Also, I never want to live in the city again if possible. I never understood what she meant by saying that. So, I’ve decided not to confide in her again. Posting here and being able to speak openly is the best therapy for me. Trying to get motivated to make a few phone calls and made up excuses to juggle some bills. This is the last time!!!

[lizbeth4]

Thanks Monicau for your post! My friend wasn’t really a friend. I’m hurt but ok with ending the relationship. If she had come to me with a problem, even if I didn’t understand it, I would have been supportive. It hurt but I can move forward. I woke during the night feeling scared. Scared because this addiction is so intense and has robbed me of cultivating relationships, caused me stress and had ruined my finances. Deep down in my soul, I can’t gamble again. I think it would send me over the edge. I’ve lied to creditors, people I love and to myself. I can turn this around with hard work. I just need to do this, once and for all.

[lizbeth4]

Thanks i-did-it and Nick for your support! I was thinking the same thing about my friend. Could she have a gambling problem? Nick, I will use your techniques when I have urges. It’s worth a try! I need to set some goals and stick to them! I don’t know where I’d be without the people from this site. You don’t judge. You are supportive and give me good advice. I feel better after reading your posts. I’m going to be alright.

[lizbeth4]

Monicau, I wanted to add that even though it is hard starting over at 60, it isn’t impossible. You will do it!!!!

[lizbeth4]

Hi Monicau, It is very hard to start over at 60. I’ve been thinking of you today. I gambled again. I’m just sick over it. I know if I don’t stop now, I will be beyond the point of return. Why do we torture ourselves? I keep praying for you to have the right opportunity to help propel you forward. You deserve It! Just because we make mistakes, doesn’t mean we should live in perpetual state of hell. I truly believe that when your Son moves in things will be very different for you. A lot more positive. I’m wishing all the best for you! Take care.

[lizbeth4]

Thanks i-did-it. I’ve always been open-minded and have had a few people confide in me. I’ve never judged and have been supportive. Maybe I don’t need her friendship anymore. When I’m made to feel badly about myself by a friend there is a problem. She acted like I had leprosy. She’s no angel! Lol! This just makes me retreat into myself again. Trying to stay positive right now. Figuring what to pay next month and what bills can wait. Why do i put myself through such torture. Family issues still going on but I’m staying clear of them. I have my own issues to straighten out. Doing this on my own this time!

[lizbeth4]

It’s been a crappy day! I decided to tell a friend that I was a CG! It didn’t turn out so well. I put my trust out there and that’s something that is hard for me to do. She was appalled that I’ve gone through my savings and am having money issues. She just couldn’t understand how I’ve been so immature. I feel like this has changed our friendship as she will never look at me the same. Learn and Live! Now I feel myself going back into my cocoon . I already felt poorly about myself. I’m dealing with the consequences of my last slip. I’m going deeper into the black hole. Next month, I will be cutting corners and paying only what I can. But I have to face this and keep remembering what happens when I gamble!

[lizbeth4]

Thanks i-did-it for your kind post. I’m not feeling very deserving right know. Yes, I found a way to gamble. The loss wasn’t a lot but never the less damaging. Today is Presidents Day here so all businesses are closed. Tomorrow I will need to make a few phone calls and make arrangements to make double payments next month. I will have some over draft fees and a low bank balance. The vicious cycle goes on. Today it is raining and lightly snowing. I can’t continue living like this. In truth, I’m not living. I have to recognize that this defect is keeping me from living a fulfilled and happy life. Today this has to change. Life is what we make it. Right now I am living in hell. I want to be able to truly feel joy, happiness and peace. Instead I always have gambling or the residue of it lingering in my head. This has been going on for a long time. I feel like a tortured soul. Evil has been winning. Today I am taking back my life!!! Today, I just want to live in peace, happiness! It’s my choice. My future depends on my choices today.

[lizbeth4]

I made really bad choices today! I’m disgusted, hopeless and a disgrace. I can barely post here. I’m at the end of my rope! Having bad thoughts again. I’m a failure. I’m so tired of this life!

[lizbeth4]

Thanks Monicau for your post! I’m feeling a little better today. Watching my Granddaughter this morning while my Daughter works for my friend. Grief is so hard. I’m forever tied to all of the memories (good and bad) regarding my Husband. He forever holds a part of my heart and soul. I have to leave the what if’s and regrets behind and move forward. It’s time now! I’ve made many mistakes after his death but I’ve made a lot of good decisions too! It’s time to really live in the present. I’m ready! No gambling =happier me!

[lizbeth4]

So today has been a bummer! I’m sick with a cold again. I pride myself on not being sick very often but since November, it’s been the flu and colds! I ventured out and bought some over the counter medicine and Kleenex! More binge watching. Through all of this, I’m having gambling urges. I think I know the source. It’s coming up on the 5th anniversary of my Husband’s death. The day after my youngest Daughters birthday. I have several counseling appointments before then, so I will address my feelings with her. I wonder when these overwhelming sad feelings will subside. Working on this! Good positive note: my Daughter is doing some work for my friend in town. She likes my Daughter and is very generous to her. Well, time for Netflix!

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