[lizbeth4]

The new set up here threw me for a loop at first! I thought I was on the wrong site. It looks good and was easy to maneuver. Today was payday! I paid all bills due and even sold another item. I called the loan company, which I can’t pay this month. I finally talked to someone who helped me. My due dates have been changed. Everything is doable! Doing laundry, ect as I leave Sunday afternoon for the city. I’ve set up a breakfast date with a good friend. Looking forward to some away time and time with my Grandson. No worries of gambling. I don’t go into the city casinos and I have a lot to keep me busy. Going to the park with my Daughter and Granddaughter. It’s going to be a good day!

[lizbeth4]

Awesome post! You give us all hope. It seems a little easier when I can see someone else accomplishing this. I’ve gambled since I was 21 years old, 39 years now. A long time! The last 10 heavily. Your positive nature does give me hope!!! I’m ready to live a gamble free life! Onwards and upwards!

[lizbeth4]

Thanks i-did-it for your post! Good night John boy! LOL! My Mother showed up with a bouquet of flowers and cinnamon muffins this afternoon. She apologized for saying mean things to me! My Daughter and Granddaughter were here I accepted but I’m still wary of her. Within a few minutes, she was talking bad about a relative of ours. She is a bitter person!! I-did-it, I don’t think that you are bitter. Maybe you are seeing things clearer since your not gambling. I enjoyed my time with my Granddaughter but I’m tired now. Lol! I sold 2 more items and netted another $25. These are things I usually donate but I can use the money. I’m going to talk to the company ($150) that I can’t pay next month. Maybe they will work with me. It won’t hurt to try. It’s cold, rainy, and lightly snowing here. I’m in my warm jammies curled up on the couch getting ready for some Netflix. Better than gambling!

[lizbeth4]

I-did-it, I’m happy that you are entering the 3rd month of a gamble free life! It’s so hard but worth the journey. I’m striving for it too! I look at all the people starving and being killed in this world and feel ashamed that I’m complaining about things in my life. A lot of people don’t have a chance in this world! I’m glad life is good for You! You deserve it!

[lizbeth4]

Thanks i-did-it for your support. I just got my Granddaughter down, she still wakes up once during the night for a bottle. I’m listening to the rain and relaxing. Yes, once I have my emergency fund I will feel better. My Mom and I aren’t speaking. I need a break from the madness. I’m not mad at her but I’m tired of the disrespect. I do have a lot of positives in my life and that’s what I am focusing on. Good nite everyone

[lizbeth4]

Thanks Velvet for your kind post! It’s easy to be drawn into the negativity from my Mom but I refuse to do so. I love my kids and Grandkids more than anything. Not gambling does keep me present. It doesn’t make up for the times I lost with them due to gambling but it does show them that I am here now!!! I’ve been productive and sold 2 small items yesterday. Items that I don’t use or were bought in my compulsive shopping days. I’ve listed 2 more items this morning. I’ve been putting this money into a tin container for extra money. As all of my income is going to bills and debt repayment. This fund is for traveling to the city and incidentals while I’m there. Maybe a pizza night for my Grandson. Maybe a treat of a raspberry tea or chocolates for me. Not a high amount of money, just my little stash. Life is getting better for me. More peaceful and I’m feeling more content. I’ll be filing my taxes next month and should receive a refund from the state again. I will be putting this into my savings and will be almost at my $1000 emergency fund. Things are going to be alright. No gambling urges!!!

[lizbeth4]

Having my hot tea and trying to wake up! Picking my Granddaughter up this afternoon for our sleepover. I’m leaving on Sunday for the city. I’m going to connect with a few friends while my Grandson is in school. I wish I was financially sound right now. But if i keep on my path, I will be eventually. Patience! Today will be gambling free. I add up the months instead of days. Anything that keeps me motivated!!

[lizbeth4]

This afternoon I had a conversation with a long time (29 years) friend about my Daughter as she has experienced drug use with her children. Let go and give to God was her message. I knew this in my heart but having her reaffirm it helped. I could talk to her about anything but my gambling addiction. Sad! After my fiasco recently, I won’t share that secret with anyone else. At my counselling session today, I had a breakthrough. I realize that I’d been taught to stifle my emotions and that’s how I’ve been living. I never dealt with my emotions. It was seen as weak to show emotions, such as sadness or disappointment. I had to always act like everything was happy and good. Believe me it wasn’t!!! I grew up in a very mentally abusive and dysfunctional house. But you just went along with it. I remember crying at night after I was in bed so no one would hear me. You had to go along out of fear. I was a shy, introverted child. I’ve screwed up so many relationships because of this. It’s not a sign of weakness to show emotions. I feel this is a part of my gambling addiction. Maybe it was a form of me having control of something in my life. Not that I had control but thought I did. Something to think about!

[lizbeth4]

I-did-it, I find that recovery isn’t fun! I too feel very strongly about money and self importance. It’s all about money in this society. Maybe I’ve placed too much importance on money but boy it sucks when you dont have much!! You aren’t nothing! You have a lot to offer this world. We may be little cogs in the scheme of things but we mean something to our children, family and friends. We just have to mean something to ourselves. The world is harsh but we dont have to become harsh. I know that there is a lot of goodness and kindness in you.

[lizbeth4]

After meditating, praying and saying my daily affirmation, my Daughter called. She seems in a better frame of mind. I’m truly just listening as I don’t want to get into my Mom lecturing mode!!! Tomorrow she has a job with my Realtor, so she can borrow my car and the baby can spend the night with me. I’m so happy that I’ve come to the point where the gambling urges are not surfacing as stress is a big trigger for me!! Thank you God for letting me be present and here for my Daughter.

[lizbeth4]

More family drama! My recovering adult daughter wants to leave and return to the city with my Granddaughter. Back to her drug addicted boyfriend. She has no car, little money, and no support there. What is she thinking?? Astonishly, I haven’t had any gambling urges!!! Just heartbroken.

[lizbeth4]

Yesterday i was able to sell 2 small items. I made a little money so I went to our bargain store and bought pastas and sauces, pasta side dishes and some wonderful lemon shortbread cookies. I didn’t realize all the store had to offer. Today I have 3 items that have been sold, I just have to deliver. Again, small money but enough to treat my Grandson to pizza and wings when I visit in a week. My budget is so tight and still I’m $150 shy of what I need next month. I’m not borrowing from anyone as I can’t afford any more payments. I want to build a $1000 emergency fund but can’t find any extra money right now. Keeping my fingers crossed that I have no emergencies
Re: My family issues, although it makes me sad, I have to respect myself (Thanks Laura). For too long, I’ve placed myself last. Sometimes I feel all alone in this world. I have friends in the city but none know of my addiction. After my fiasco recently with a ex friend, I’m no longer willing to share this info. As for my family, there always seems to be strings attached so I don’t rely on them much. I have to rely on me. I know I will be alright. My health is stable with medications and in April after my obligations in the city, I’m going to check into some part time jobs here. This time I’m not going to be picky. I’m going to do what I need to boast my income. Gambling has taken a lot away in my life but it’s not taking anything else!!!

[lizbeth4]

Thanks Laura for your supportive post on my thread. I hope you are feeling better. Take it easy.

[lizbeth4]

Thanks Laura for your post! I keep going back to my Mother because I want to have a bond with her. Sadly today I realized it isn’t going to ever happen. Her relationship with my Sister has been trumulcherous also. My Sister has shut our Mother out of her life for 1 to 2 years at a time, several times. In fact, she just came back a few months ago after nasty things were said to her by our Mother. This time was the last time. I can’t bear it any more. I wouldn’t sell my home until I thought about it for a long time and weighed everything. My youngest Daughter did have my best interests at heart. I think she was thinking financially. Living with My oldest Daughter would never be my option. My friend is no longer talking to me. She wasn’t a true friend as she judged me. I wish her well. I need to get a life. Really!!!! Lol!!!Thanks again Laura for your post as I know that you are recouping from your surgeries. Your support is greatly appreciated.

[lizbeth4]

My day is getting better! I watched my Granddaughter for a few hours. She is precious! She is 10 1/2 months and already taking a few steps. My Daughter was supportive and gave me a lot of hugs. I am in charge of my happiness. I am breaking the bad patterns. Ones I’ve lived with since childhood. Not gambling makes me have to deal with life and reality. As hard and emotional as it was today, it was a life turning moment. Life continues and I will be ok.

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