[lizbeth4]

I made it through the day without gambling. I fought the urges all day! I kept myself busy with errands and tasks. I consciously made every effort to not gamble. I feel like I’m on the cusp of really doing it this time! I know it’s within my reach. If I just stay my course, I can be back on track financially. I love being present for my Daughter’s and Grandchildren. I want them to have good memories of me when I’m gone.

[lizbeth4]

Today I am having urges. I know what is triggering me. Instead of saving money next month, I am in the hole again. From my last gambling episode! My mind is telling me to chase the win! It’s telling me that I can win back the money and some extra to get me out of the hole. We know that I will just be deeper in the hole. I have to stop this vicious cycle now!!!!! I sold 3 pieces of nice costume jewelry . Nothing I wear and I received a fair price. It helps!! I’m stopping the cycle now!!! I don’t want the terrible feelings that occur when I gamble haunting me anymore! Contentment and peace is what I need!

[lizbeth4]

I’m trying to start a new thread. I went to new topics. It won’t let me type anything. ???????

[lizbeth4]

Sorry i-did-it. I just came on the site. It looks like your post was some time ago. Monica and i-did-it, I feel like I haven’t been content in my life for a long time. Maybe that’s why I feel stuck? I always feel like something is missing or that I need to achieve something. Maybe I should accept what I have instead of thinking there has to be more to this life! I do have a full life. I choose to not participate. I always thought if I had more money, I would be happier and more content. Well, I had money and I wasn’t any happier. In fact, it just made me more self destructive. I do believe in self care and self improvement. I am still thinking about a part time job. I would have to find something that would work with my Daughter’s schedule so I can babysit. Right now it is crucial to be present for my Daughter as she needs the support. I’ve always dreamed about living a glamorous life. Ha ha! I’m not glamorous. I’m just a small town girl and there’s nothing wrong with that ! I guess self acceptance is crucial to our recovery.

[lizbeth4]

Thanks Monica. I continue my counseling but I feel like I am stuck, not progressing. It’s okay not to do anything but when you’re feeling like that most of the time, it isn’t good. I’ve caused most of my pain and worries from gambling. You think I’d learn my lessons but I’ve had too many slips. I’m really getting so tired mentally. I need to stop this cycle!!

[lizbeth4]

Thanks Monica for your post! Today I woke with gambling thoughts. I have no motivation. I feel blah! I will run a few errands but I will stay away from the casino. I don’t understand what’s going on in my brain. I’m holding on. Trying to get financially straightened out. Gambling can’t be a part of my life. I feel like I’m on a raft in the middle of the ocean. Just drifting! I feel like I’m not connecting to anyone. I just don’t make the effort. I’m content in staying home all weekend and watching Netflix while there are things to do. Blah!!!!

[lizbeth4]

Thanks Velvet for your post! The positive things in my life outweigh the negative things. I have a lot to be grateful for. I need to remember that. I’m watching my Granddaughter while my Daughter works . She is launching her own handyman services. I’ve referred her to everyone I know here and by word of mouth she has a few jobs. I’m kind of on call to babysit as she might be called for a job the day before. I don’t mind as I want to help her. I have my weekends free. My Mother is no longer watching the baby for long periods of time. She had a marked increase of forgetfulness. I believe it is just age related. But my Sister came for a visit and saw the difference in her. I will keep a eye on her as I do have medical power of attorney. I was thinking and I do have a lot to keep me occupied besides my Granddaughter. I have a lot of books on my Kindle (I love to read), computer games (not gambling orientated), I love daily walks and the weather is getting nicer. I can get my garden soil ready and decide what I’m planting this year. Also, the park will start having free concerts starting in 2 months. A lot to occupy my time! I feel like today is a new start for me!!! Feeling positive!

[lizbeth4]

Thanks everyone for your posts and support! I am unhappy with myself for my recent gambling episode! I’m trying to focus on all of the positives in my life. There are a few major things going on in my life but I choose not to discuss them here. I feel overwhelmed and powerless recently. I guess some things are out of my control. I have to have faith that I will get through this.

[lizbeth4]

Hi Monicau, When you get your first paycheck you will be so happy! It would have been easy for you to fold with all of your traveling time and not feeling well. If you can get through that, you can do anything! I’m so happy that you’ve found a job and see a way out of your situation. Things are looking up!

[lizbeth4]

Hi Monicau, Glad to hear that you’re feeling better! That’s awesome that you’ve cut back on your smoking. I chose to stop 7 years ago and that was only because I had a heart attack and surgery. I’ve been told that just cutting back helps your health. How is the job? It will be better once you can mmm ove closer. Wow, you have a long day with the traveling. I like your determination. It’s hard in the US to get any disability pay or assistance. I’ve heard of it taking years to get approved. Really sad that people go hungry. I’ll never understand that!! Take care.

[lizbeth4]

Johnny, Thanks for your post! Ugh!!! I screwed up again. No excuses! Luckily I was able to get back almost all of the money I initially lost. Doesn’t make me feel any better. I don’t know what the answer is for me!!! I’m not posting for a few days. I have to rethink what I want from this life. What is missing? I’m mentally drained.

[lizbeth4]

It’s the 5 year anniversary of my Husband’s death! Really struggling today.

[lizbeth4]

So today I have a upset stomach and a lot of anxiety! I’m netting my Daughter (halfway, about 1 hour from here) to get the mortgage payment. It will be cash and I will have to pass the casino on the way back home. Temptation!!! I belong to a smaller bank so there is no access until I get back into town. Then I can deposit it into the ATM. Right now, I have no one to help me with accountability and my Daughter insists on giving me cash! I have to keep focused and on my path!!

[lizbeth4]

The day was spent with my Mom, Daughter and Granddaughter. I made a awesome birthday dinner for my Daughter. I’m watching my Granddaughter while my Daughter and Mom are at the casino. Ironic, right? Honestly, it doesn’t bother me one bit. My gambling urges have subsided. I already see my finances getting better! I’ve paid all but 1 bill and arrangements have been on the remaining bill. Next month I will be able to put away a little money. Progress-little steps.

[lizbeth4]

Hi Laura, Your first priority needs to be your health and recovery. Take care of you!!!

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