[lizbeth4]

Hi i-did-it, We were posting at the same time. Thank you for your post on my thread. I answered you thete. Youv e given me a lot to think about. I hope you find what your looking for to make you feel fulfilled!

[lizbeth4]

I-did-it, I think we were posting at the same time. When I close my eyes and think of a time where I was content and my happiest, I am at a beach with my Husband. I would love to live there but it is way too pricy for my budget. I could never afford it! I would like to rent a RV for 1 month and see how it is to travel in one. I would do that before I sold my home. I’m a all in or nothing type person. Which can be a bad thing. I never pursued my job goals: teacher or a police officer. I went for a career were there was more money, benefits, and a pension. I love the quote by Oprah. You are right about the self esteem issues. I’ve never thought I was enough and always settled for less than I deserved. Thanks for your post. It gives me a lot to think about. I hope you find what you are looking for to fulfill you.

[lizbeth4]

Thanks Kin and Velvet for your posts! Mundane is better than the gambling devastation. Something that i am still recovering from. I won’t go into details. Everything can be paid if I follow the right path. Hopefully, I will be fixed too! I keep making excuses to follow my dreams. I’m putting restrictions on myself. Why am I scared? I know life is fragile and your whole world could change in a minute. My neighbor, Who is a older than me, lost her Husband 2 years ago and her 50 year old son 2 weeks ago as he had Barres syndrome. Her family were one of the first to welcome me here, 4 years ago. I brought her a card and we talked for awhile. Her family is with her now but I know how she will feel in the weeks and months to come. I told her I am always here if she wants to talk. I spent the morning doing more yard work. The geese are carrying on at the pond. They are amazing animals if you watch them. I’m going to fix some lunch and rest. I’m physically and mentally tired.

[lizbeth4]

So, being gamble free has brought a level of contentment in my life. Although I find joy in things, deep down something is missing. I’m not passionate about anything. I haven’t found my purpose in life. I want more! Where do I look? I’m empty inside. There has to be more for me. I refuse to think that this is it!! Sometimes I think that maybe I should sell my home and buy a RV and travel the United States. Then I say, oh, I’m too old to do that. I keep second guessing myself. I’m putting limits on myself. So, I keep living my mundane life and try to stay busy and try to be there for everyone (family) and continue to put myself last. Somehow I feel this has something to do with my gambling addiction. I need to figure this out.

[lizbeth4]

So I just checked my bank account. My deposit isn’t showing. There isn’t enough money for the debt consolidation payment to go through. What the heck is going on? It’s closed on the weekends so I have to wait till Monday. I can’t worry all weekend. I have to let it go so I can enjoy my weekend. Boy, this is frustrating!!

[lizbeth4]

Thanks Sara! I’m not posting on others threads right now as I am saving my phone data. I’m hoping to have internet by the end of the month. The supervisor called me from the debt consolidation company and says it will be taken care of. I won’t know for sure till Monday when I can go online to my bank account. I’m not stressing anymore. I was very productive today. I sold 6 items. Someone in town just opened a boutique and bought 3 necklaces that I made. She wants me to make more but it’s so time consuming and expensive. I just don’t think I would make a profit. But it was awesome that she was so impressed by my work. I’m having a yard sale on the next 2 weeks. My spare bedroom contains things I am gathering. It’s good to purge. I’ve collected so much over the years. I feel the need to downsize. Whatever is left will be donated. I did yard work in my backyard, trimming shrubs and bushes. Everything is blooming and beautiful. Tomorrow will be spent pruning back 11 rose bushes and spraying them as they have developed some sort of fungi. Keeping up with my yard and home keeps me gamble free plus I enjoy doing it!

[lizbeth4]

Frustrated! I received my refund from the debt consolidation company. Now, they haven’t taken out this months payment which is taken out on the 3rd. I called and talked to a representative and they said it was scheduled for the 3rd. Well it’s the 6th. They are looking into it! My creditors want their money. What we agreed on. I’ve never had any problems with them for 1 year and now having issues!!! So stressed!

[lizbeth4]

My Granddaughter and I had a slumber party last night and watched Finding Dory on my computer. Fun! I need to get internet soon as my cellular data is running out fast. Maybe I can budget it in sometime this month. I’ve been reflecting a lot on how I want the rest of my life to go. I know that gambling can’t have a role in it! I would like to do some traveling in the states as there are many places I’ve never seen. I love road trips and I don’t mind traveling solo. Most of all, I just want to live a contented and peaceful life. My Daughter and Granddaughter and I have been going to the park and for walks. We are going to get a hiking carrier for my Granddaughter as we have many hiking trails here. It’s beautiful country with streams, rivers, lakes, mountains and forests. I don’t have to travel to find beautiful nature. It’s all around me. I guess I didn’t appreciate it before when I was gambling.

[lizbeth4]

Monica, I developed a sensitivity to dairy products about 1 year ago and with spicy foods. I have to watch my intake. I think our digestive system changed as we get older. I hope you feel better soon.

[lizbeth4]

Thanks Monica, I felt like the one Supervisor who took my application was discouraging. She kept telling me the downside of the job as it is physical. Almost like she felt that maybe I’m too old to do it. Im in good shape and have endurance. I hope that I am wrong.

[lizbeth4]

Hi Monica, I’m sorry that you are in pain again. Too much dairy does that to me. Happy birthday to your Mother. Flowers are nice! Have you heard anything about your pay that is owed you? Hope you are able to get some rest. Take care.

[lizbeth4]

Thanks Sara for your considerate post. I’m just stating how I’m feeling. Right now I want to keep things to myself and try to work through it. Today was productive. I put 2 job applications in and I hope to get interviews next week. They are both seasonal jobs. My Daughter and I took my Granddaughter to the park. She loves the baby swings. I received a email that the company that took out 2 payments from my checking received the info they wanted and it will take several days to return the money to my account. We will see! In a couple weeks I’m planning to have a yard sale and get rid of a lot of stuff. I’ve decided that I don’t need things anymore. I only wear 1/4 of my closet and use little of my stuff. Time to purge. Also, it’s easier to clean with less things. LOL! Tomorrow my Granddaughter is spending the night with me. Fun! Going to take a nap. Headache!

[lizbeth4]

Having a rough time!!! Ugh!!

[lizbeth4]

So today after paying bills and monthly expenses, I fall a little short again. Next month 1 of my high interest loans will be paid off and I haven’t received my tax refund, which I want to save. There is only 1 solution: a job. I’m thinking part time. Wednesday, I’m putting my application in person at a local establishment. I met the manager as I sold a necklace to her. As most jobs are seasonal due to our winters, I would have a good 6 months of work. It’s something I’ve never done before. I will divulge more if I get the job. Doing a little grocery shopping and faxing bank statement to try and get the money mistake made a few days ago reversed. That would help this month. No gambling thoughts today!

[lizbeth4]

Thanks Laura for the online chat details. I will pop in sometime this week. Easter dinner was awesome, ham, scalloped potatoes, fresh veggies, salad and rolls. I sent the remaining ham home with my oldest Daughter and my Mother. Everyone enjoyed themselves. I had some bonding time with my Grandson. I’ve decided in addition to calling him every week, I will send him a card every week with a positive message. We call him the baby whisperer. Lol! As he always rocks his baby cousin to sleep. I’m at peace today. Tomorrow is payday. My bills will be paid first then grocery shopping and I’m buying a DVD player (cheap) for my treat. Not much will be left but I will have everything I need!

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