[lind]

My sister was a drug addict, that gave me some experience of addiction. Looking back my husband was bringing some chaos to our lives for a while but no sign of gambling until we got married and then he did it in style. So much destruction, he nearly destroyed my whole life and yet it’s always me that
‘has to fix it’ I like to think of ringfencing, boxing the money up to keep it safe, put boundaries in place to keep me safe. Because neither of us can be helped otherwise. My husband went bankrupt and one of the hardest things is feeling unsafe, until the divorce and financials are sorted I’m still vulnerable. But yes I hear you when you talk about wanting to shout at them for being selfish!
Your ex can’t be trusted with his money how can he can be trusted with yours? Do you ‘always have to fix it’ even now?
Other people may have different experience but for me I know I cannot trust addiction. It lies to me!
Will try to make group on Tuesday xx

[lind]

Hi,
Your registered as heartbroken and I can understand that.
Your ex husband couldn’t control the last 9 months how can he control any money you were to lend him now?
I’m in the middle of divorce, I have paid dearly and I too have been heartbroken.
I understand that my husband is not ready for change and he can keep taking or I can say I love him but who is looking after me in this situation? Who makes me feel safe and secure?
What I want is my husband without the gambling, the chaos, the unhappiness, the lies. That person doesn’t exist at this moment, that is my dreams and my wishes for all that could have been.
You have yourself and your children to look after. That money can’t fix your ex husband but it can help you to have a life with your children that will allow you some security. You left the marriage but your maybe still holding on to the fantasy this time it will be different? To give your money to your husband is you gambling your safety security and that of your children.
Chose to take care of yourself and your kids and take some time to try and mend your heart

[lind]

Hi Hema

I can totally relate to the exhaustion.
It’s difficult trying to take care of yourself whilst trying to prevent what’s happening elsewhere.
If they want it they will find it. I was told many tricks and I figured if he wasn’t rushing to sign up to these great ideas maybe he didn’t want to. I put a block on gambling sites with my internet provider but if he want he can still use his own network data or go to the bookies etc
Hope you can find some time to take care of yourself
Lind

[lind]

If it’s your wife’s sister are you able to talk to your wife about this? Then maybe you can decide together what is best for your family and might help you having to worry about this yourself. I suppose at the end of the day though you are not responsible but I get that you want to do your best to protect them. If it was me I would want my sister to know then it’s her choice but I know many would shoot the messenger! I suppose whatever you do if you do decide to talk to your wife/sister in law/friend you don’t actually know for sure so it’s maybe important to say this but also acknowledge that you are worried about behaviours or signs that you have seen. If you have then said what’s needed, you can let them know about support but they would have decide how they deal with this.

[lind]

I don’t know to help. I suppose there are so many things you could do, invite your friend to attend a meeting with you? Share your own experiences with your Sister in law? Let her know you are worried she will get hurt?

I’m sure all of the above could be seen as interfering!

I’m not sure if your Sister in Law was aware that he had a history of gambling? If she did then maybe they have already made there decision…………maybe you can’t help

Must be difficult though to sit by and watch when you may know first hand how much destruction this can cause.

Well done on your own journey

[lind]

Not sure how to connect to tonight’s group at 10pm

[lind]

I separated from my husband 6 weeks ago. I live in uk do not prenup and it scared me that he can gamble my whole life away. It’s took me years to build but he can ruin it in one press of a button. I’m lucky to be able to talk to my husband still.
I still love him, it has entirely broken me but I try to remember that im strong and doing this to take care of me and my future. I try to remember that it won’t always feel so devastating as it does now but I know that Iv made the right choice.
I consider that I’m always the adult always looking after us but who is looking after me? I was told to imagine how I would feel if I was still in this situation in 5 years? He broke my trust, he lied, his behaviour makes me worry about my own financial security, it makes me feel physically unwell with worry. I do not want to separate from my husband I don’t want to go through this pain but I realise it’s necessary. Good luck to you in making your decisions

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