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How’s the new life? I hope you can see things more clearly now you have some distance. I am worried you spent time with him again after he was physically abusive to you and I do hope you will think about that if you are ever tempted back. You deserve so much more logic, you are bright and self aware and have so much too offer someone who is able to recipricate and give you what you need. Thinking of you, Lily x
Hi V. It is my sons 11th birthday this week so I am off to Legoland with my son, his dad and my step-grandson. It’s an agreement I made my son a long time ago that once a year he can have Mum and Dad with him together. It’s not my favourite but we have a civilised relationship now at least. This year it will be three days in his company which may be a stretch for me but I am sure we will manage with the two boys to focus on. Anyway I ramble, point is I will not be in the group this week and when I come home it is my nieces wedding so don’t think I have disappeared off the face of the earth if there is no sign of me for the next week or so. Lily x
It is so hard to read your post and see how difficult things are not least because it reminds me of a point I was at a long time ago. My son’s dad is a CG and I left him when my son was one. I remember having a very similar conversation to this with my mum although CGing didn’t come up as I didn’t at the time understand that was what my partner was. She suggested I get a piece of paper and write down all he gives me on one side and all the negatives to having him around on the other. You know I sat for 3 hours desperately trying to think of something to put in the positive column that’s when it hit me he brought nothing to the relationship, no emotional support, no financial benefits, no practical help, not even a sex life . I am not saying this is necessarily the case with you but it is a good exercise, the two sides should at least balance. Look at what you have written – you are feeling depressed, he shouts at your son, he’s angry and you don’t think you would want more children with him. Does that sound like a positive place for you or your son? I think you know deep inside this situation is not healthy or sustainable. something needs to change. If he can’t/won’t make steps to change then you have the power to make a change that will benefit you and your son. I know my self-esteem was badly damaged but the 6 year relationship I had with my son’s dad and I was so afraid to be a single mum but in the end I realised there wasn’t much worse for me and my son than the situation we were in. Take care of you and take it step by step towards a better future for you and your child however you think that can be achieved. 10 years on I have still not received an apology so I suspect it will be a long time coming if that’s what you are waiting for. You are stronger than you think. Lily x
It will always be a roller coaster ride with an active CG and without the proper help it only tends to get worse. My only advice to you is to take care of yourself and your child first and foremost. I think it was a good move getting out of the house today and giving yourself some time away from being asked for money. Is there a relative or friend you could satay with for a week or so to give yourself some head space? Sometimes a little distance gives us a chance to think about things more clearly and it certainly wouldn’t do any harm. Lily x
Hi Logic, sorry you had so many connection problems in the group. I hope you are ok and all set for the big move now. Thinking of you x
I am glad it wasn’t a more serious assault and hope to see you in the group tomorrow. It’s understandable you are licking your wounds at the moment but try not to dwell on it for too long, whats done is done, time to move forward. I find a walk helps blow off the cobwebs. Take care and go easy on yourself, Lily x
It is never acceptable for someone to be physical with their partner and it most certainly isn’t down to the CGing. It shows a dangerous side to your partners make up even without the gambling in my view. I hope you were not seriously hurt (physically at least) x
What a tough lesson. Someone told me once if you don’t listen to what the universe (I prefer to say experience) is telling you the lessons will get harder until your either listen or everything breaks down and you have to begin again. It doesn’t make it any easier I know but I do believe you have been sent this very clear message now and you have listened, believe it or not even at this point even not everyone does. At least you can leave now with no doubts you are doing the right thing. We all want to make it work, sometimes though you realise that you have come to a point when you realise that you have to either cut lose or go down with a sinking ship. Experiences you have truly learnt from can never be a mistake but I know they can also be very painful lessons. Remember it is not your fault, you have done nothing wrong. Thinking of you. Lily x
We missed you. So glad for you that you are having this break though, enjoy. Ciao for now, Lily x
Hi Logic, You gave some excellent advice and a different view point which is why this forum is so useful. I too have a the greatest respect for my partner, he is a great human and has pulled himself out of bad situation that was all he had known his entire adult life that takes guts and determination which he has in spades. It also takes a stubborn streak which we both share!
Getting that screen shot must of been really upsetting and I am sorry to hear about your uncle and your grandad. Continuing with your plans takes strength so don’t knock yourself. Distancing yourself is an easy thing to talk about but not so easy to carry out emotionally, sometimes it is easier to do it physically and then the emotional side will follow. Keeping busy and do things that fulfill you is always good I find.
Keep on keeping on and things will change without you even realising. I’ll be thinking about you and be nie to ‘see’ you in the group tomorrow if you can make it. Lily x
I just wanted to say thank you for your wonderful reply on my post. You really have come so far. Looking forward to your next update. Lily x
Thanks for your thoughts and kind words. hope you have/had fun in italy. Hope to see you Thursday. Lily xx
Stay strong Frankie, thinking of you x