[Liberty]

It was good to talk to you in chat, you survived, you came here, I don’t have the answers but I do know you are back in recovery.
Thinking of you Seri. x

[Liberty]

I have been avoiding this thread 🙂
It was good to chat to you in group earlier.
Not feeling so good at the moment, in fact when do I ever? I can see the garden from where I am sitting, its a lovely day, truly spring here, not a cloud to spoil the view, then the song comes to play…
I look out at the world, everything looks the same as it did yesterday (except it was not sunny) It may look the same but there are changes, ever so subtle but there are changes maybe I am just not looking carefully enough, need to open my eyes and really look what is there. My world, the world.

[Liberty]

I say go for the GA meeting, I have been in the past and I remember that first time of walking into that church hall, (petrified no voice just a croak) had a bit of difficulty finding it so was a little late so the meeting had just started, everyone looked up was probably about 14 people in the room, I asked if this was the Gamblers anonymous place (prob hardest question I ever asked a group of people)They pulled a chair for me, they were warm, friendly and welcoming. There really is nothing to be afraid of Angie, nothing is as scary as living the life of a problem gambler.

[Liberty]

It was great to speak to you too and Harry Happy and Angie.
Every minute, hour without gambling is a moment that we have won back. We all understand Mav, all have lived through it time and time again. I know you keep saying you cant get past what you have done but now its what you do next that counts. Wishing you well Mav, as all of us to be well people like we deserve to be.

[Liberty]

welcome to the site, it is great that you have found gambling therapy.
I understand what you are going through right now the feeling that you can’t bear the pain of no one to share this with, I spent far too many years keeping this addiction to myself, which created the perfect opportunity for the addict me to continue the gambling which is due to the. Fact problem gambling thrives on secrecy.
I recently told members of my family, I did it via email, they do live far away and I found that by writing I was able to explain my decline into gambling.
I understand that you do not feel ready for this right now, I know we are safe when we have no money to gamble, gambling free time gives us a chance to put blocks in place, I don’t know if you gamble in the physical world or online, which ever it is, we must in the early days make it impossible to gamble, it’s a long hard road but there are many people with the right support have achieved happy healthy lives again on this site.
Firstly, we need to limit the means to gambling once we can do that we can then start to look at the reasons why we gamble and all This takes time Angie.

We are all here listening to you and each of us while our stories maybe different, understand what pain you are in.
I hope to see you in one of the groups Angie, you are no longer alone with this.

[Liberty]

Gamblenese! a language I want to unlearn.

Good that you have your lifelines, I was thinking of cats but that’s nine lives isn’t it….
Good to hear the horse is safer now. x

[Liberty]

I worked out what my tune was now, it was the wombles , The wombles of Wimbledon common are we , wombling freeeeee
underground overground, my girls are so embarrassed by me as I just cant help myself every time I ever visit London I start singing it, it just happens x Prob I have now is my new words and I just start singing it wherever…

[Liberty]

I worked out what my tune was now, it was the wombles , The wombles of Wimbledon common are we , wombling freeeeee
underground overground, my girls are so embarrassed by me as I just cant help myself every time I ever visit London I start singing it, it just happens x Prob I have now is my new words and I just start singing it wherever…

[Liberty]

How are you? I see you popping up everywhere, helping others, I hope you are finding time to help you too 🙂
Crisis support 24/7 here 🙁
I was at two groups tonight, missed seeing you in both, I had a realisation a short time ago, obviously I have been taking the wrong medicine for years, as it has been poisoning me, but the situation is that the poison seems to be the only release from the state it caused, what a paradox.
Non English groups, maybe I could lean a new language on the weekends……
despair….. takes away hope what a thief.
Did you ever go to a group and come out of there feeling real bad for being the biggest whinge bag ever? probably not, that’s me today, sick of the pity, sick of the tears …….

[Liberty]

Thank you for your message. I am quite worried to read that you have been attacking yourself physically, you don’t deserve that, you have put yourself through enough harm with the gambling Mav! yes it is dark place we are in, I guess we have to fight for the light. Time comes when we have to say enough is enough, its do or die for me.
The urges are incredible, how can it be possible to have such a desire to do something that has caused you so much pain and destruction. I know you have said in the past about other addictions you have had and overcome, but for me I would never have touched drugs, heroin and the like alcohol to excess, why because I knew that there is a possibility of becoming addicted, I really had no idea about gambling addiction how naïve was I? or is it that it is not really known for the destruction it causes, even when you see the signs on site gamble responsibly, (to me that did not send the msg you could become addicted) I am responsible for my addiction no two ways about it but I never knew it was addictive if that makes sense. Anyway Mav, I was in topic group which was Addiction topic with Charles very good talk and then the group after, never saw you in either of those which was a shame, I hope you are ok and I hope you get your place at clinic this month too.

[Liberty]

No one told me, I just know, obviously I am not putting my life history, situation on here you never know who might be reading.
We all know what a life a problem compulsive gambler has led, if I was twenty years or even ten years younger then maybe I would have hope, today I really don’t have any. I know that negativity just attracts that but….
We all have stories of horror that any normal person without living this addiction would think, you def mad, why would anyone put themselves through it, time and time again? I cant even put my thoughts on here at the moment for I don’t like them and am sure don’t think anyone would want to read them. I sit here for hours sometimes staring at the screen waiting for new posts to appear, maybe my answer will appear in someone’s post you never know. Weekends are probably the hardest, no groups or anything, oh to turn back the hands of time…. Dear Lord I am so pathetic please help me lean how not to be so pathetic!

[Liberty]

You are a very thoughtful lady, your post is very much appreciated.

[Liberty]

ok journal, I am here. How strange is this , I had the best day in more months than I care to remember on Thursday, whilst out in the woods, I could see and feel peace, since Thursday I have been gradually sinking lower and lower. Two days now, I have not dressed, not even brushed my hair today, what a mess I am. I feel so tired, so drained and I just want to sleep that is the only state that I can escape to, but then I lie awake at night. It has just become apparent to me, that a part of me is so angry with me that I went out on Thursday loved the sunshine the fresh air, how dare you be at peace even for a few hours, you do not deserve that after all you have done, so it wins yet again and I sink deeper and deeper into my well of despair and hopelessness.
I have so much worry about so many things that I have no control over due to allowing myself to succumb to gambling time and time again, I am not gambling I hope I can stay that way but the truth is I do t think it will make any difference , it’s too late all too late.

[Liberty]

hello sailboc
Your post was a lovely open and honest start to your journey of recovery from this most painful soul destroying addiction.
I am glad that you have found this site too, there are also chat support groups open at different times of the day where you can go and chat in real time with other people just like us, who not only want to break free from this killer problem gambling but know that in order to recover, changes must be made and we have to be hundred per cent honest with ourselves, it thrives on secrects and lies. I think you have made a fantastic start with your introductory post, well done Sailboc.
I too have been battling this for nine years plus, tried all sorts of different strategies, I found this site a couple of months ago and the support I have received from people here and the Gordon Moody team is second to none, it’s not easy at times very difficult and I have had a few slips along the way, but I am here to continue with this battle a day at a time, I won’t gamble today, for today is all I need to deal with right now.
Liberty

[Liberty]

I too have all those thoughts of all the displaced notes, when all the world is sleeping and my sheep are not even bleating .

[Author]

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