[Liberty]

Yes, for today is all we have for sure any of us, if we can take care of ourselves today then tomorrow will take care of us and as for yesterday gone forever.

[Liberty]

Yes, I have been dealing with the depression for years, and as you say sometimes better than others in fact I think I have probably had it since childhood things that happened then. I guess they do tend to have an impact on your future life. I was thinking yesterday about this cupboard that I had in my bedroom as a child, it was high up and was kind of my toy cupboard and junk cupboard, I used to go inside it and sit in there for hours, not being able to move for any movement would make a noise due to all the rubbish in there, it would be complete darkness and no one would know I was there, what kind of normal kid hides in a cupboard for hours, I think my gambling was my adult cupboard so stopping gambling for me has take my cupboard away.
The last few days I have had terrible cravings at first it felt like for something sweet, so I got a load of sweets, but when I had eaten them the craving ‘missing’ feeling was still there, then I ate some crackers and cheese, so its not a physical hunger then as it was and is still there. I have never felt this before, its not like am craving gambling at least not consciously, I don’t even know what it is but it is not at all a good feeling, hopefully it will lessen or I will at least find the key to what it is, but it’s not sweets! not Crackers! even if I am slightly crackers….
No news, really why would I am not doing anything. That will do for now.

[Liberty]

Thread resurrector 🙂
What can I say maybe I will just tell you about the strange dream I had last night, where I actually flew and when I was flying (I have-not flown for a long time, ) I remembered that I can fly have flown in the past, probably sounds crazy but in that world anything is possible.
Here is the dream :
I was in this huge, high building and this really evil being was after me, chasing me I was trapped at the top of this building. I had no way of escape, apart from to jump out of the window, but that was better than to be caught by this evil being. So I jumped to my expectant death, but I didn’t fall as I fully expected to, instead I glided away with the being watching me in anger from the window.
As I flew, I remembered how well I can fly, but then I remembered there were others in the building that I could not just leave behind. Hence, I went back, knowing that the evil being was there waiting to destroy me. I went back to the building even though I was really, really scared there were others at the building at the very same window, too afraid to jump, so I grabbed them by their hands and held them up and we glided across the night sky. I taught them that they could fly just like me.
So I guess asleep, I must be some kind of Superwoman! Awake that is a different matter altogether.
I realise that my gambling was my medicine, to relieve the dark depression that paralyses me, yes it was a poisonous medicine just like any drugs unprescribed. Now without the gambling, I am not experiencing the supposed joy of recovery quite the opposite.
There is no joy in anything at the moment for me, maybe I just went too far to come back from it still I exist but that is not to live.
I hope you are doing well P, thank you for caring.

[Liberty]

Excellent, understood know it too well, but not any more for us x

[Liberty]

Excellent, understood know it too well, but not any more for us x

[Liberty]

A brilliant analogy. I hope you are having a good weekend.

[Liberty]

read through your journal too gov, watch something on tv distract yourself, delay it it only ends in misery.
Remember I won because I have stopped
Anyone you can call ?

[Liberty]

i have not been posting as I am not in such a good place, I am so glad that you got a msg alert, please write down now all the things it does to you, all the terrible trauma and torture you experience, you do t have to be in that place again, I love your expression I won because I stopped x

[Liberty]

We have never actually met, well I did see you a couple of times in the chat room when I first joined the site. I just read your journal.
I hear you and understand how you feel, I don’t know the ins and out of your life story but I do know only too well the place you are in at the moment.
Sometimes we feel that no one cares, maybe we just wont let them care, so convinced at our own worthlessness and intent on our own self destruction, we see everything as a slight against us, looking for confirmation all the time that no one likes me I am not good enough, it is our perception of ourselves that needs to change, not an easy thing to do.
I hear you and I do care about you as a fellow sufferer of this disease, please visit the site more often to get the support you do deserve Lorraine cos its not just words, you are worth it.
You will be in my prayers dear Lady

[Liberty]

after the op, you are doing so well, I love reading your updates you should be proud of all you are doing.

[Liberty]

just need to add
Sunday’s discovery of recovery
Can be the cycle
The running title
For this we are all entitled
No need for weekly recitals
Sunday, Monday any day,
Gambling is our plight.
Recovery is our right
Every day in every way.
Delay delay delay

[Liberty]

just need to add
Sunday’s discovery of recovery
Can be the cycle
The running title
For this we are all entitled
No need for weekly recitals
Sunday, Monday any day,
Gambling is our plight.
Recovery is our right
Every day in every way.
Delay delay delay

[Liberty]

It was good to talk to you.

[Liberty]

How you doing not heard from you for a while, hope you are ok.

[Liberty]

We will not need to watch what we say, how we act for there will be no guilt.

[Author]

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