[Liberty]

I think you know the answer, time, changes and patience maybe?
Changes, hardest part is deciding what we want to change I think.

[Liberty]

I think you know the answer, time, changes and patience maybe?
Changes, hardest part is deciding what we want to change I think.

[Liberty]

The thing is for me anyway, I would not want another person to go through this, in actual fact I don’t think that many could cope as well as we do with it. What inner strength we must have to keep trying over and over, what pain we suffer, but I do think there is huge difference between a CG who is wanting to change, wanting to stop recognises the addiction for what it is, than a CG who has not recognised that it is destroying their life, which is where we all were before we recognised that we were addicted.
It is a selfish addiction, but that is not to say that the person is selfish although it appears that way, that we only care about us and our next fix, if only it were that simple then we would all have just stopped when we got to that point.
I think that with any addiction that people fall into whether it be food, drugs alcohol there are underlying causes, apparently there are two types of gambler escape and action, most of the time women fall into the escape type but not always. I became an escape gambler, during the gambling nothing mattered, the weight of problems past and present did not exist in that zone, when the pressure built up I knew where I could go, and for that time I was free of all my problems but of course I was not free at all, it was an illusion. All I did was create further problems for myself but interestingly for me the problems that I created gambling, were far worse than the unresolved issues that caused me to gamble, so all the time I was still gambling no chance in a million years of resolutions to what I was escaping from.
Then you stop, I stopped a fair number of times for long periods months at a time, but oh no I am addicted so urges cravings and the fall out of the mess and then absolutely no where to run to, no escape from me.
Facing up to the gambling chaos created in my life, is a task in itself that took me a long, long time to even begin to deal with.
I am not even sure what I am writing today, but I do know I rather have just my problems of me and not the extra gambling aftermath problems, a short escape from me at too high a price, my life.

[Liberty]

I too was shocked to see you had posted, at first I thought it must be the other Maverick.

I think you are a very brave man and I really think you have dealt with the situation so well.
I loved the way you say
“I realised something on Friday – if I gamble there are 2 immediate outcomes:”
Listing the outcomes that is fantastic as it shows how far you have come during the last 54 days of your freedom from gambling.
Mav, you sound positive making plans and I expect you are so looking forward to seeing your little boy on Thursday.
You have done well Mav and I am sure you will continue to do so with the plans that you are making, you are getting your life back Mav.

See you in a group soon x

[Liberty]

It’s great to hear that you managed to have a family holiday and I agree spending that time with the family is so much more than gambling ever gave us or Gucci handbags!
Fantastic that you are doing so well in recovery and that you have your partner protecting your money for you. I think of it more as protecting it rather than controlling it, so that it’s there for what you need to do, rather than to give freely to those who already have been given far too much of your money and your very self, but now you are claiming back your life for you and your family 😀
Yes, nothing can ever replace our memories of our time spent with our families that is priceless.
You are doing great Gov, be very proud of yourself.

[Liberty]

The positive of honesty is
This is me this is who I am, reminds me of
How can you say to your brother, ‘Let me take the speck out of your eye,’ when all the time there is a plank in your own eye?

[Liberty]

agree 100% easier with people that you have never met, that was what I found when I went on the GMA woman’s programme, no preconceived ideas.

[Liberty]

I am glad to see you posting on my thread, I have missed seeing you around as much in recent weeks. I hope that you are feeling more comfortable today after the accident, it must have been a terrible shock to you, I had an accident in 2006 I think it was had to be cut out of a zafira, not hardly driven since!
I did get a few thousand compensation or perhaps it would be more accurate to say some online casino did! I have only just remembered that. Yes, when you look at what’s really important in your life when faced with the accident, it wasn’t gambling, debts at all in that moment none of that mattered and as I saw you write somewhere, gambling so so much worse!
I loved the story of Narnia, read it too unfortunately my hiding was not a game, as I got older probably early teens I progressed to hedges….
I used to play a lot of games like candy crush got up to level 500 odd but I have not played in a while now, did quiz apps too but even those I would have to play until I was the top player in the UK, so excessive and addictive activities I am just leaving well alone.
So today has been a day of nothingness, simply because that is what I made it, its my moods one minute manic next depressed, I was getting rather manic I felt and am sure that is a trigger for me, seems to be either I feel manic or I feel exceedingly depressed, how about just normal even keeled?
Terrible urges today and I know why, need to sort that out tomorrow too late today now but I will.
That’s me, another day and not another pound wasted, gosh the urges cause such nausea but remember this nausea is nothing like the aftermath and never will be.

[Liberty]

Hi Twilight
I don’t think there would be a person here who hasn’t lived with the ugly of gambling.
We are here because we have all overstepped the line from normal supposedly social gambling into that ugly vile place of addiction, terrible things I have done which are completely alien to me as a person in recovery, from this ugly vile compulsive gambling, I have much regret, remorse guilt over so much that has happened over the last few years of my life fully aware of what my gambling caused those closest to me, I don’t think that any of us here need any reminder of that, I am sorry that your father never thought he had a gambling problem, that must be very painful for you.
I never knew that gambling could become an addiction if I had known that all those years ago, I would never have gambled, I am a level headed person with an addiction that I am addressing every day of my life , none of us are perfect whether cg or not. No, the gambler is not the only one to suffer, I do know that. Thank you for sharing your Writing.

[Liberty]

Not heard from you for a while now, how are things with you?
Be good to hear from you x

[Liberty]

Great plan with the finances a manageable repayment plan so you can learn to ‘live’ again freely.
What a lovely lady you are
right back at you…
“You are caring , intelligent and deserve so much.”

[Liberty]

So Its now almost half way through Saturday, after not having any sleep harldy at all Thursday night due to being disturbed by the earth tremors and shaking banging house, I was so tired last night fell asleep reasonably early for me, only to wake up at about three am with tremendous gambling urges and full of fear, so I have no idea what I must have been dreaming about, its like this gambling monster can even get to me while I am asleep is there no peace even in sleep!
I did eventually get back to sleep but even though I have felt a lot lighter in spirit over the last few days that kind of left me with that horrible feeling of bottom of the pile in life. I am wondering if the gambling urges appeared during sleep due to my pay reaching my bank account yesterday, if this is the case which I think it probably is actually, how devious and crafty it is thank the good Lord for helping me make the choice to ensure no access, I can’t be robbed anymore by my gambling demon.
It is so sad for me to realise its still there waiting in the wings to get back in, through sleep anyway it can, I need keep my no access rule, for now that’s the only way for me. I need to stay safe last night I felt so unsafe so full of fear and anxiety but it will be ok we keep you out, you are blocked, I will pay my bills, we will eat we will survive, I will not gamble, I can’t gamble, I don’t want to gamble leave me alone.

[Liberty]

Well done, you are back on track you have the same as all of us, today a day in recovery.
Hope to chat to you soon x

[Liberty]

The depression seems a little easier, although I have another health issue that has been on going for a few years now so I need to do something about it, it seems to be getting worse and its silly really as you really don’t need to just put up with pain on a long term basis, especially when you know there is a remedy, I have had a fair bit of surgery and I guess that puts me off, but I am going to sort it out.
Today I received notification from my debt management company that all my creditors have been notified and my plan is up and running with the first payment in a week time, I am just worried about the companies reactions but I can do nothing about that and so I need to quit the worrying quit the constant anxiety using the Stop technique I have been advised by Richard Gt too. It does work but I am getting addicted to the word stop now!
So what will be will be. At least I have faced things, that I hid from for many, many months and all the time I was hiding, the addiction was still very much in charge no matter how much I believed I could control it, because it was telling me that just that one big win and it would all be put right and I was still believing it, well hoping that it was true, of course it was not true and all it did was add to my mountain of debt.
So much pain, despair depression hopelessness for so many years all because I was not prepared to admit total defeat. Not prepared to admit I am powerless over gambling, and the only chance left for me was to Stop then I can win, start to win a life back.
I am oh so grateful for all the help and support I have received to date from GT from the Gordon Moody team and the people on here who are just like me, who understand what it is we go through with this nasty, vile soul destroying addiction.
I have along way to go, but any step forward no matter how small is worth so much more than the life of a compulsive gambler that life to me is, well its an alien life its not a life at all, its a living hell.
Liberty moving forward over and out xxx

[Liberty]

Yes, for today is all we have for sure any of us, if we can take care of ourselves today then tomorrow will take care of us and as for yesterday gone forever.

[Author]

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