[Liberty]

just popping in to say I think you are doing great, it’s a delight to see your three grateful items of the day , I have to confess to being old enough to remember Logan’s run too!

[Liberty]

great that you have posted here, lots of support available here. Well done you, on making the decision to change your life and enter Gordon Moody programme.
There is life after gambling, it not easy especially when you have lived with this addiction for so many years but there are many who are living proof it can be done.
Good to meet you Ian, maybe see you in one of the support groups that are run here.
Keep posting Ian 🙂

[Liberty]

For your lovely post, it is great to see you back posting again, I missed seeing your posts last week. I am not sure about any talent, but it was very kind of you to make that comment.
I agree about the animals being like your children, they certainly are a great comfort in sad times as well as a joy, my dog was a bit of a rascal I wrote her a letter when she had to be set free here it is
Dearest ****, I call you, I look for you but you do not appear, you were my comforter during the bad times and there’s been a few, you loved Us unconditionally, as a youngster you were quite a rascal pinching the girls things never breaking them but we often wondered why you needed an iPod a phone on your bed, but it was because you knew you deserved it too, found your presents at Christmas time in the pile and how many times were they re wrapped for you? Then the years took-their toll, but no matter you were still there by my side outside the bathroom door waiting for me’ no matter how you could not walk anymore, you were so tired, in so much pain I so hope you are free now because dearest **** we love and miss you so, thank you **** for all you freely gave, our beautiful brave girl xxxxxxx rip memories of you will never fade am told the pain will lessen this is my sacrifice my debt to you girl to set you free xxxx love you **** everyone who knew you loved you xxxx

So here I am just over a year since, yes I guess time does heal it’s not raw like it was, but it certainly is still with me the missing,
Missing you dog. Perhaps for me, loving my dog as I did and still do was easy, yes I guess I rather take the easy route, is that human nature? Easy, no expectations, no demands made of me, no judgement, never hurt me, would never have hurt me. So with an animal, like my dog what safety there is.
Anyhow, I think you get the gist anyone reading this that I adored my dog 🙂 change of subject now ha ha
I have a few worries, new worries last couple of days things I need to sort out, things I need to face and deal with as if I do not time continues to flow forward as always, and enough procrastination this year so far. Yes, I have dealt with some things but I have not done enough to move myself forward, the easy way am sorry to have to tell myself does not work, stopping gambling is great but that in itself does not make for a life.
I need to find a new job since mine will end in two months time, what am I going to do, I will do and am willing to do anything to gain an income (within reason) it has to be legal and has to be moral!
I am worried about finding work, like on the one hand I know that I am at work, diligent, loyal and hard working and I am not stupid, well not totally maybe a little lol
But what to do, then the doubts start creeping in, are you capable of doing anything? will anyone really want you? Aren’t you too old? well not really I still have most of my faculties (well as much as I ever had!) Plus I have a fair few years until retirement so that really is not an option, it’s just the lack of confidence voice, one part knows I am more than capable of doing anything I set my mind to but another always seem to want to dis me as useless and unworthy of a ‘normal’ life.
I seem to spend so much of my time dealing with this voice, the one that wants me to run away, live on an uninhabited island and live off coconuts! The escape artist, or maybe it’s the would be gambler, but one thing I am learning there really is no escape from me, cos wherever I am, I am still facing me, looks like I am stuck with me in this life time, so need to start making the best of me and being the very best I can be and accepting that I am a product of my experiences and yes, our experiences of life do shape who we are today but that is not to say that we can not change any of it. We can be masters of our own destinies, I am learning to shape mine, its kind of a strange shape right now though…..still at least the clay is not set, nothing is set in stone.

[Liberty]

Yes two doing the A levels Vera. Roll on Friday and it will be over, well there is one more on t Monday 23rd but the bulk is done Friday.

Great to get a post from you Happy, good job on getting rid of your Ipad, the Ipad that makes us mad….
I have not got the new counsellor as yet waiting for a space.
Glad that you have a new dog now, you are right that I would love it that’s why I can’t get one, as I don’t want to or I feel I can’t put myself through that loss again, shame I could not have applied that same principle to gambling so much earlier in my life.
I saw you wrote that you felt bad after having a good day with family, happened to me lots of times over the years and then I gambled, it is like something deep inside you believes ‘you’ do not deserve to have laughter and fun times in your life, so it says to us, ha you are not worthy so go gamble and I will show you how you should feel….
This is of course all lies you do deserve to have a good life and enjoy yourself make good memories with your family, you are not bad inside, the addiction is the bad one, but it is not you, it is only trying to fool you into thinking that, every time those thoughts come in, tell them to do one they have no place in your life.
Your dog would have been content just being in your company they do not ask for a lot so nothing to feel guilty about that Happy.
It’s great to see you back posting Happy, it been quiet, too quiet 🙂

[Liberty]

Vera looks like we got booted.
I was just saying I was on Geography, biology, English lit, sociology, finance and Religious studies and it is all confused in my little brain!

[Liberty]

It was like waiting for a bus, nothing appearing on the horizon so I gave up and walked. popping back if anyone around.

[Liberty]

I am glad that you are feeling so much better and now feel strong enough to start addressing all the problems that gambling has caused in your life, I like you have a lot of debt and can identify with the unopened mail, it took me many months to be able to do that, once you make a start it does get easier.
Andrea, the last thing I want to do is cause you any upset but I do have to say I absolutely detest the thread title it has made me feel very uncomfortable, my addiction has been saying jackpot jackpot , I know that is not what kind of jackpot you mean, yours is the recovery side, I guess it’s just me.
Thank you for sharing your journey with us all, onwards and upwards.

[Liberty]

153 days! (couple more now) wow, how proud you should be of all you have achieved.
There is the group support every Thursday at 6.45, I do go every week but rarely is anyone there. I don’t have my mobile phone available to use as I can’t switch it on due to undesirable calls. I often think of you and wonder how you are, it would be great if you could make the group meeting.
It really helps to talk, we are only as alone as to how much we isolate ourselves. We don’t have to do it alone, it is good to see you have posted and there are also good support groups here, if you check the support link schedule.
I am sure your little one is even more beautiful and what joy she brings you each day Mummy Richards, would love to chat to you on Thursday, miss the group too.
Everything you wrote made perfect sense, particularly your mushroom analogy, take care of you.

[Liberty]

I emailed the counsellor and have been told, that hopefully should hear something next week, thanks for asking.
I have not got another dog since, she was a beautiful springer spaniel and the relationship we had, I don’t think I could replace.
The sun is shining here today, looks like it is going to be a beautiful day, there is a breeze though and from where I am sitting I can see bushes swaying almost dancing and they are all happy in the sunshine because right now they live, it is their growing season, I need to take a leaf out of their book so to speak!
Have the other two hens started laying yet Vera, and any more names, can you distinguish them yet?

[Liberty]

It was good to read that you saw the madness of that place, nice weather, nice bench for lunch instead maybe?
Am not sure it does our mental states any good going to the very place that has caused so much damage in our lives, as you did say if I had money it may have been very different, if I was on a diet I would not spend my day in a cake shop just saying …..
It’s good to read about your positivity and the plans for all your new found goodies, hope your parents had a good holiday.
Stay safe Seri x

[Liberty]

That Friday was not good for you SJ
I hope things are better now and that you are feeling stronger and have support.

[Liberty]

really good Gov that you managed to get the card company to stop the account.
I know you did not really want to sell the land but it seems like it will give you some peace with lessening the debts.
You said I am not going to forgive myself for the slip, Gov, to err is human, do you forgive others their slips? am sure you do why be so much harder on yourself?
A new chapter is possible every day, as long as we remember just for today I won’t gamble, Gov, remember all the good things you have done and put in place over the last three months you are doing exceedingly well, you need to forgive yourself, you deserve to be free.

[Liberty]

Glad to see it is not just me then, I am awaiting transfer to someone else now, we will see.
I don’t know where the days go, four days since I posted here, although I do pop in every day and read the posts it’s kind of like a routine a look in on all our different lives.
A lot going on with the family at the moment, exams major ones life changing exams am not sure who is most anxious over them me or the ones taking them.
It seems to have been quite quiet here over the last week or so, mind you I have not felt much like posting writing either. Especially when I sit here and think, have I even got anything interesting to say? probably not, today I have kept busy, I did a mammoth job of clearing out an outbuilding which took like five to six hours so many spiders, ugh glad that is over and done with, I had to keep busy really today, cos I am feeling kind of sad as I can’t quite believe it’s a whole year ago today that my dog went to rainbow bridge, I still miss her every day I don’t think there has been a day that has passed in this last year that I have not thought of her.
Animals give so much with very little asked for in return, they are loyal and totally accepting of our faults, how many humans can say that, not many if any. So today I remember her and all the wonderful moments we shared, I see her clearly now, for in my memory she will never die.

[Liberty]

Such an apt descriptive poem on time. Yes grateful that we do still have time if not a lot else.
Very well written.

[Liberty]

Such an apt descriptive poem on time. Yes grateful that we do still have time if not a lot else.
Very well written.

[Author]

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