[Liberty]

to live in the now
with support we learn how.

[Liberty]

to live in the now
with support we learn how.

[Liberty]

I expect it is the same for a lot of people, next time your daughter comes home for a visit, maybe she would like to come here for a visit too!
You are right they all did have too much and little care for things, I guess we are to blame for that, different world and am not so sure about better, I had my first little transistor radio at 16 and I treasured that.
Plead with them….they are deaf to the sound of chores, it’s only when I explode that I get anywhere well that’s too hard and I just don’t have the will anymore, plus then I feel guilty for yelling.
Yep one day it will be all over, everything ends eventually.

[Liberty]

everyone and thank you P for your post, yes gambling addiction kills people in so many ways. I certainly been close a number of times.

I am writing now just cos I am mad, in fact I think I have spent a lot of the last few days feeling mad, I wonder what normal people do when they feel mad? I know what I used to do but I don’t have that option any more.
My house has been so neglected for so long and it just got to the point that so much to sort out, I just kinda gave up. Well last week I tackled my outbuilding and today I have sorted out my room and half the kitchen, but there is so much junk everywhere, I have bagged up a lot of clothes for charity shop, clothes I don’t need will never wear. I have been feeling really annoyed with my daughters, so lazy, won’t help and when I ask for a teeny thing it be done ie get rid of all their junk you would think I was asking for 12 hours hard labour! It is my fault of course like everything always is, I have been too soft on them over the years, I guess trying to compensate for all I felt I was lacking in and making their life easy but now they are both in legal terms adults and yet I am still doing everything. They disappear to rooms when cleaning to be done, I have said I am going to bag up all their stuff and bin it as clearly they do not want it, everything just feels too much maybe I am being unreasonable but do I have to wait on them hand and foot until they leave? Was this all part of the role, I signed up for chief cook bottle washer and cleaner forever, sick of the mess, am trying to sort the inner chaos but really noticing the outer chaos.
I am ranting I know that but it is just for me since I don’t have any other escape route.
Anyway some jobs done a lot more to do yet, but I have made a cup of tea and am taking a short break, it’s all probably nothing anyway it’s just me complaining when I should never have let things slide for so long.
I need to be superwoman not how I feel today, everyone else seems to cope with keeping things in order why can’t I?
Tired.com tired of being at the bottom of my mountain. well maybe not quite at the bottom but not very far up it.

[Liberty]

I have read your posts since you joined the forum and followed your journey, identifying with so much of your gambling despair, mirroring a lot of my own life.
I hope things are going well for you, I know you are probably working through a lot of things in your life after the residential treatment.
A lot of folk here care about you and would be really kind of you to let them know you are ok when you have the time.
We all need as much support as we can possibly get to win our lives back, it is not easy and you have been really brave in doing all you have done so far to get your life back on track.
I hope you are well today Lauren.

[Liberty]

Life I guess, sometimes the ups and downs feel too much.
Today is a better day, went to meet with my new counsellor such a difference to the last one, this one speaks and seemed to have a technique of digging that at times during the session I was not comfortable with, and she seemed interested and not bored stupid like it was a job just another recovering gambler, or trying to live in recovery, wanted to live without gambling,same old story have heard thousand times before. Yes, we may all have similar tales of destruction but each one of us are unique so are our past experiences.
Travelling back home I was in a kind of daze running over the things we had discussed, tired too.
One thing I was asked was would I like to be in a position of being able to gamble, to control it that I found funny as I know that is pretty impossible for me for when I start I can not stop and nothing will ever be any different from that for me. I think it must be very difficult for a non CG to understand that once started the ball will not stop, it’s an inevitable cycle of destruction.
So my answer was definitely not, I want to live life of permanence, I could not contemplate for one moment a bet now and then, what’s the point in that?
Why would you want to risk everything you have in recovery for that? A question I have in the past asked myself many times before, gave up with the question as the whole addiction has no logic.
I am not gambling with my money I am gambling with my life, today I will not gamble.

[Liberty]

Very Kind of you.

[Liberty]

Very Kind of you.

[Liberty]

I am annoyed, angry and mad
Why do I allow people to make me feel sad?
Such power and control
Living my life on parole
Let it go let it go
Pretend it’s a television show
They won’t even know.

[Liberty]

I just need to sing today, this is what I need to remember to sing:
Will your anchor hold in the storms of life,
when the clouds unfold their wings of strife?
When the strong tides life, and the cables strain,
will your anchor drift, or firm remain?
(needs to firm remain)

We have an anchor that keeps the soul
steadfast and sure while the billows roll;
fastened to the Rock which cannot move,
grounded firm and deep in the Saviour’s love!

Will your anchor hold in the straits of fear,
when the breakers roar and the reef is near?
While the surges rave, and the wild winds blow,
shall the angry waves then your bark o’erflow? (no it will hold)

Will your anchor hold in the floods of death,
when the waters cold chill your latest breath?
on the rising tide you can never fail,
while your anchor holds within the veil

Will your eyes behold through the morning light
the city of gold and the harbour bright?
Will you anchor safe by the heavenly shore,
when life’s storms are past for evermore?
(I hope so )

I need my anchor to hold.

[Liberty]

Good honest post, father’s day does not mean anything to me either, (what it is though is a reminder of what I did not have so I suppose it does mean something) I do know who mine is but he was not around in childhood and last time I saw mine was like thirty years ago.
It is good that today you recognise this kind of day as a trigger for you and that you are putting in place what you learned on your residential into practise, go adult you Andrea!
You are doing great well done you 🙂

[Liberty]

I am so pleased to see such a huge change in your outlook on life since you have returned from your GMA Stay.
It is absolutely priceless to be with people who understand what you have gone through with this addiction. The support of all the people you have met is really like finding a diamond in a mountain of rock.
You are doing it Andrea, facing life, dealing with problems instead of escalating those problems into bigger problems as we all know that is all gambling ever did.
You should be really proud of all you are doing to help yourself as you say it is not easy but with all you have been through, you are strong and no longer in that terrible place with no where to turn, so you definitely are a winner Andrea. 🙂

[Liberty]

I am sure it would feel good for you to be able to buy your Dad a good present for Father’s day, but I am sure he will not be expecting that, time with you is priceless to your folks.

Four times what you have been used to having these past six months, will that scare you? Does Dad still have control over it for you? As you do not want to put yourself in a position of suddenly having ‘spare’ funds that could lead to temptation, or maybe there is something you would like to get for you? treat yourself to something good whether it be an activity or a material reward, after all you do deserve it, you have worked so hard in every way.

Doing great Seri, nothing sounds mad here not at all, only mad thing is gambling.
Hope you are feeling good today Seri.

[Liberty]

really building your life without gambling, the day at the zoo certainly sounds like a day that you will never forget and definitely not your daughter, these kind of days do actually make for good memories of family times, you have to laugh!
Kpat, awesome result for an awesome lady.

[Liberty]

How are you doing? I hope there has been an improvement for you with the housing situation.
You have had so much to cope with Lorraine and still you keep on trying, that takes such great courage and character, you should be proud of all you are doing to change your life.

[Author]

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