Oh my dear–I think EXACTLY like you…The thoughts may creep up slowly…out of nowhere and at any time..I do not even think I am conscious of exactly what the triggers are at the moment…When I was in new York, I was not comfortable at all *****…so I started thinking I will go home and take a mini "gambling vacation"…really..it’s just like taking a ****..I may as well be a **** addict as it has the same effect on me…
As for this last time..I had just come home from NYC..no time to myself..The boyfriend came in from out of town immediatley and I think I was not ready for his arrival (that’s another whole story)..So I was snippy to him the time he was here and was kinda wishing he wasn’t there even though part of me DID want him there…So on the 3rd day, I said "let’s just go for a few hours"..I know he didn’t want to …we agreed we would stay no more than 2 hours…and really–I was not gambling manically…but I was happy for the escape..he really did not want to be there so when he wanted to go and I wanted to stay, he got angry…I stayed another 15 or 20 minutes..No communication on the drive home…Came home and he left…I think he "got it" that the gambling was more important to me than he was at that moment..and he was probably right..
Now I am out of town..in Pittsburgh visiting 2 elderly aunts and having a jolly time…No chance of gambling here..My one aunt is wealthy…had lent me some money a few years ago and when she found out about my gambling was furious…I am not sure how I will be when I get home…I really do have to change some things in my life besides just putting up barriers…but I even need more barriers too..
Down here in the computer room in my aunt’s building..Cannot stay online..Good for you Vera..that your are in a G-free state right now..and nice to hear from you! Keep it going girl!
