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Try again… I have a surprisingly optimistic attitude this time. Partly because I know I will not have a spare penny for quite a while.

(btw @theone I meant kind of computer strategy games, not gambling games!)

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Hi,

I know that you’re not the only one who feels like this. The time I’ve spent gambling when I could be improving things. The money that I’ve spent years saving just gone like that. The credit I’ve knocked up which will take another 2 years to pay off using nearly every spare penny I’ll earn.
The only way I personally can cope is knowing that it is possible, not to get it back, but to get back to a situation where I can start again. There is (normally) always more time. Just trying to not get to, in life, that ’tilt’ moment in gambling where you’re like, ‘f it, I’ve lost so much already it doesn’t matter if I lose it all…’ It does matter. Especially in life.

I’m also starting Day 1 again today…

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I logged onto my online account for some reason and saw that there was 40 quid freeplay. I said to myself, ‘Give it ten minutes play’ and was all out after 9.
I don’t feel so bad because it wasn’t my money but still feel a tad guilty because I was meant to not gamble anymore.
Also went to the races with some friends on Wednesday – put about 3 quid on each of 8 races. A lot less than I normally do and feel satisfied that I could control it.
As I’ve said before, some of my social life is based on gambling situations and I would prefer to be able to control it rather than stop altogether but I get worried by other people’s stories of getting sucked back in again.
Believe me I don’t think that I am ‘better’ than anyone here – I’m one of the worst if I just judge it on amount lost. I would just like to be ‘normal’…

The bank agreed a repayment plan for my credit card. A little over 1100GBP a month for the next two years. It sound terrifying but it is certainly manageable – far better than the non-plan option anyway! It felt like a great relief when I found out but my first thought was, ‘So how much do I have each month to gamble then?’
I still have about 6 grand to pay off on another credit card (120 a month in interest) and about 3 grand on a third card which I share with my wife – they just increased the credit limit by a couple of grand so that one will have to wait a bit longer…
I know it can be done. Debt free in 2 years and then I can concentrate on getting my savings and retirement fund back. So long as I don’t die/lose my job/relapse badly in the next 20 years I might be able to retire! Now THAT seems like a long time…

Going to try to give up smoking this weekend – done it properly a few times before so I know it’s possible, just a little uncomfortable. My drinking is mainly under control. About once a week I say ‘f it’ and get bladdered. Have to go out with a friend tonight who has her long distance semi-boyfriend visiting – will be a biggie so I have to try to keep it relaxed and not give in to my inevitable smoking urges after a few drinks… At least I am safe in the knowledge that when I come home there won’t be money at the online casino that I can blow in a few seconds while drunk!
Been filling my spare ‘gambling time’ with suitably addictive simulation games – works for me…

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I suppose that is the common thread with us all here. Why do I only seem to be addicted to stuff that does me harm? I’ve tried to get addicted to the gym and exercise but it just doesn’t do it for me!
What do you think of the recent research that suggests that all addictions, even those that we assume are chemical based like heroin or crack, are actually because the addict feels like they don’t have a normal system of friends and a feeling of fitting in?
It suggests all addiction is down to the addicts feeling of not belonging rather than the thing itself.
Or do you think gambling addiction is different to the others. I’m pretty much definitely an alcoholic as well. Secretly smoke after giving up for one year when I got married. Is there a difference between the self-destructive addictions and ‘just’ obsessions related to hobbies? I know many people who become obsessed with activities: music, cycling, sex. Why am I the one with the self-destructive ones?
Sorry just feeling a bit down today…

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I suppose I still haven’t actually got myself to believe this yet, as much as I know it’s true. I’m still stuck on thinking that actually I just hit a bad patch, which is to be expected, and if I had a bigger stack it would be fine.
The bottom line is it is a problem with me, not my gambling technique – just need to really convince myself of this…

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So on 5th day without gambling – would like to say it is a triumph of will but actually it’s because I just don’t have any money.
No go on the loan – trying to see what other options are available to pay off the credit card. Still struggling to see gambling as not one of the options.

Also – it’s so fking BORING… When I have a spare half hour I don’t seem to have anything to do. Just aimlessly surfing the internet or facebook. I actually have plenty of hobbies – just not been doing them for the last 4/5 months or so when I got back into the online casino big time. Over the 3 or 4 years when I didn’t gamble ‘properly’ I was obsessed with forex trading instead – same sort of thing I suppose. Still lost money just not as much…
Do we always need something to scratch that itch?

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Thank you for advice about this – it is helpful to see other people in the same boat and listen to their stories.
I can’t do it though. I can’t bring someone else who I love dearly into this pit of sh*t that I’ve created for myself. It just feels a bit selfish. I know I’ll have to if I can’t get next months rent together or something like that but I will still try to avoid it at all costs. It’s my mess and I need to deal with it.
I have been here before – lost around 4000 GBP but we were in a situation where neither of us were working and it was nearly the very last of the money we had. I had been 5000 up and told her and we were so happy that there was a way out. I lost it all over the course of a couple of hours and held out for about a month before I had to tell her. That was definitely the hardest time we’ve ever had as a couple. That was 6 years ago and I spent that time paying off every penny to the people I borrowed off. I promised that it would never happen again…

What I wonder is how to people manage to get over the fact that they have won money in the past. My thoughts are – I have turned 500 into 5000 loads of times before, with proper control and management. I once, fairly recently, turned 5k into 100K over a hard 14 hours on the online casino. It was brilliant – went out and bought a bottle of very nice whisky to celebrate. An hour later had nothing.
So I keep making excuses – If i hadn’t have got drunk I’d still have the money. If I just kept the control that led me to win, I’d still be winning. My thoughts dwell on the times i won rather than the times I lost. How do people cope with this?

Still waiting to hear about my loan. Starting to think that if I got the 30k loan, I would pay 20K off the credit card and put the other 10k on ‘one last go’. I know what people will say, I know it will be the wrong idea but what if…?

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Haven’t used my 300. I can accept the chance that I don’t gamble again and just pay off my debt. Applied for a loan to pay my credit cards – if I get it then all fine – I’ll spend the next 2 years paying it off. I’ve done this before and spent 6 years paying off a 10k loan. Funnily I finished paying this about the same time I started playing big again.
If I don’t get it I’m screwed and can’t see any option but to gamble what little I’ve got to get some of it back…

More reasons I can’t tell my wife. I live in Hong Kong. Tonight we are going to the races with some friends. Next weekend we’re off to Macau for the weekend. This summer we have a big holiday planned in the States – including 5 days in Vegas. If I admit to my problem then all of that is off. My wife’s dream holiday that we’ve been gradually paying off for about a year is screwed. A large part of our social life is gone. Ahhh…
I’m starting to admit that I can’t control myself as well. I used to think that my probel was just that I couldn’t control it – my method was sound, I only lost when I stopped following my rules, usually coinciding with getting drunk. I’m starting to take seriously the idea that actually I can’t stick to my method whatever state I’m in. This is quite depressing.

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